Mom Confession of the Week

I make mistakes all the time as a Mother. The thing with me is I just dust myself off and try again. Being a Mom means not giving up.

Not Again

I was once hurt pretty badly by someone. A friend I shared so much with and I parted ways. It was tough. Then the friend came back around, I missed the friend so I forgave the hurt. Friend and I started sharing again.

But what do you do when the friend is doing exactly the same thing that hurt you before in the past? Do you just try to brush it off? Or do you cut off the opportunity to be hurt again before it happens?

I'm not doing this again and it's hard. It means I have to be firm in my resolve. I can't think happy thoughts because that will only allow me to be hurt at the end of the day. It's tough but I think the alternative is tougher.

Deal?

Jimbo likes Final Fantasy online. Jimbo isn't ready to quit playing Final Fantasy online just yet.

Jaime likes ballroom and wants to take dance class, Jimbo hates dance class.

Jaime + Jimbo + Happy = Compromise

I've promised to give Final Fantasy one more month with my husband. If I continue this month to feel the way I do, we are leaving.

And I'll still get to dance.

Sounds fair to me!

Annoying Family

Today Jimbo's Mom celebrated her 60th birthday with a party at Aunt Joanne's. When we arrived we knew who was there by the cars. We got out of the van and walked inside but made our way to the back sliding doors since everyone appeared to be outside flying kites.

I grabbed Annabel close in my arms and opened the door as Logan, Jimbo, Vincent and Arwen headed out to greet Jimbo's Mom. I noticed Lori sitting in a chair, reading the paper.

I've written about Lori before and her husband Jay. Jay is the asshole who treated my daughter like shit after her birth. As I watched Jimbo and the kids I noticed Jay and Lori's youngest child, 18 month old Caleb, wandering to the side of the house. He was alone. Meanwhile Lori still had her nose in the paper and Jay is out shooting the shit with his Father. I glance around and see their oldest son JayJay (yes, son and father share the same name) sitting under the tree.

"CALEB!" I turn my head toward the voice, it's Jade (who is 11). I see her running toward him as now he is completely out of eye range. "Get back Caleb!"

"Thanks Jade!" Lori says, glancing up. "I was about to get up in a minute."

She turns back to her paper and leaves Jade to babysit her son. Jade brings him to the screened in area and goes back outside. I watch as he toddles toward the concrete stairs. I hope he doesn't fall and hurt himself but I refuse to be her childcare. I have my own children to care for. I sigh and walk away as this is nothing new.

When it's time to start the party homemade sloppy joes are up first and I'm making the plates for the kids, Aunt Joanne is helping. I see Jay carrying Caleb toward us but don't pay him much attention. "What is it?" Jay says to Caleb really loud. "You want you GRANDMA??? Huh? Do you? You want your Grandma??" It's obvious he wants Joanne to take the baby. Meanwhile we continue running around the kitchen trying to get things ready. Jay does this several more times before he gets the hint that Joanne is busy and sulks off.

I get the plates done and sit the kids down. "Oh, JayJay won't eat unhealthy food!" Lori exclaims! She rushes into the kitchen. "Joanne, do you mind if I horde some of your baby carrots? JayJay just loves them!" She grabs 3 of them out of the bag and makes the boy a plate consisting of 3 carrots and 1 piece of bread and sits it before him. As I'm bringing the plates to my children I finally sit down with them. We get halfway through when I notice JayJay hasn't touched his food, instead he's grabbing Arwen's chips off of her plate (so much for not eating unhealthy foods).

"LOOK! Watch me Arwen!" he yells. He eats several chips and chews them before opening his mouth and showing everyone his chewed up food. While he does this his parents (who are sitting right beside him) say nothing.

"JayJay, eww, don't do that please." I say. Then when Arwen starts to mimic him Jimbo reprimands her, "we don't do that", he says and she stops.Time for cake arrives and I hand the camera to Arwen since she uses it at home and I trust her. JayJay attempts to snatch it from her and I tell him no, he cannot play with it. Instead of listening to me he continues to reach and nab. I tell him no several times. His parents hear me but say nothing. Instead they sit across from us eating. Finally I've had enough and tell him loudly to stop, that he cannot and will not use the camera.

After cake it's time for presents. When we finish I'm sitting at the table. Jimbo has Annabel asleep in the living room. I'm talking to Mom and I decide to grab a sloppy joe. I sit down and I eat slowly as we talk. Suddenly Jay plops down his plate in front of him, across from me. Mom and I continue our discussion. Caleb toddles into the room and walks to his Father. He says, "Daddy" over and over and reaches his tiny arms up. He's invisible as Jay doesn't acknowledge him at all. Instead Jay finishes off his food and gets up.

I'm talking to Mom still when he returns. This time I see two very large 'lumps' that I'm sure consist of buns covered completely in sloppy joe mix. Jay sits down and grabs his fork and proceeds to dig in. I look at my own food and push it away. I'm not so hungry anymore.

"Jay, I thought you were on a diet." Mom says.

"Not today," he says with a mouthful of food. I guess that's where JayJay learned his table etiquette.

I leave the table and go into the living room. Annabel is awake. I hold her as the children play with one another. They stop in front of us and Jade gently tackles them around the waist and pulls them to the floor. JayJay wants in on the action and I watch in horror as he begins violently kicking. He almost kicks Jade in the face.

"Don't Kick!" I yell. He looks at me and goes back to playing. His Mother and Father are no where in sight. A few minute pass and JayJay kicks again. Jimbo tells him to stop. Then Caleb falls backward and hits his face on Logan's back. He begins to cry. Still his Mother and Father are nowhere in sight. I look at his face and he's fine. They play some more.

The final straw is when JayJay begins slapping the children. I'm tired of telling this absolute brat what to do. He's not my child. I'm tired of his lazy ass parents who come to family get togethers and birthdays and leave it to the rest of us to babysit. I tell Jimbo after I nurse the baby it's time to go.

These two people piss me off so much. They are not the worst parents I've ever encountered but they are still very shitty. They do this every time we are around them. And their oldest son is going to have so many issues as he gets older. They do not control him or make him show any respect. He's already out of control and he's only 5 years old.

I'm sorry for the serious entry. I'm so pissed right now I can't see straight. Especially when Jay was bragging about winning a 25 dollar gift certificate to O'Charleys and a 25 dollar gift certificate to O'Charleys is what my Mom got for her birthday when she opened her card. Cheap tacky bastards.

I'll blog about better things soon, I promise.

Dance Class

I called this morning, we start beginner's lessons next week on Thursday! Our first dance to learn is the Swing. I'm also considering giving the Cha Cha a go (I love that dance but it's rather difficult to get that 'hip' action)

I'm so excited...Jimbo not so much.

Arabian Night

Before I forget, I wanted to share a nail polish find that won't rob the bank and I have to say is one of the prettiest purples I've ever seen. The pictures do not do it justice at all (I took several to try to show the true shimmers). The polish is very smooth and the glitter is oh so subtle.

You can find this at drugs stores. I found my bottle at Walgreens and at $5.49 (that was the price I paid) it's a good deal. I'm really loving these Sally Hansen Salon's, especially the limited editions.

The pictures above were taken outside in natural lighting and the one below in the house with artificial.

Biopsy

The picture above is from Arwen's room. That is the tissue consumption from her since last night. That's one heck of a runny nose!

Today I scheduled my meeting with the surgeon. I've put it off long enough. Last night when I was in bed I felt the little lump in my neck and I think it's gotten bigger. It's so frightening dealing with things like this. I told Jimbo I feel like a car. At first I was all nice and shiny and now I'm slowly falling apart, piece by piece.

I just want to be healthy again but I'm starting to worry that is never going to happen. To make matters worse I finally realized people are right when they mention my weight loss. I was standing in front of the mirror and I noticed I had hella Inner Thigh Clearance. Basically ITC is the measurement of space between the tops of your thighs. Mine used to rub slightly but I noticed yesterday not so much.

So I pulled out an old pair of blue jeans I'd purchased that shrunk and I never wore again. I bought them after a severe bought of postpartum with Logan when I'd lost a large amount of weight but even then they didn't fit after that shrinkage. Well, they fit now.

It's just scary. I hope everything is alright. I've been deluding myself into thinking the weight loss was from the H.Pylori but now I worry it's something more.

Ballroom Class

Ok Technically it wasn't a class. It was teachers from a local group that came for a free introductory session at my husband's company. We showed up and there were around 15 other people there and let me tell you, it was just plain weird because as soon as we entered we were greeted by the reincarnation of Bob Ross.

I'm not joking.

The dude looked exactly like him. The moment I walked inside I did a double take and thought to myself...do I know that guy??? I kept staring trying to place him because, let's face it, hair like that is just hard to come by. Eventually I figured it out and had to stifle the giggles each time he addressed the group. I kept waiting for him to break out the easel and brushes. Each time he came by I could just see him holding his palette and saying to me with a smile, "now let's make a happy little tree."

You try keeping a straight face when you have Bob Ross in front of you.

That's not all though, there was a guy with a bulging left eyeball (it was so freaky, I tried to make eye contact when he approached me but which eye to look at??), the short balding guy who made me very uncomfortable (I got the impression he was flirting with me, even with Jimbo sitting beside me), the three women who sat on the end of the table like high school bitches and gave me an eat shit and die look when I smiled and said hello, the mental case woman who kept referring to her husband as "mine" and making bizarre statements, usually at random. Like when the instructor was talking she said, "I call this my MAN watch!" and pointed to the large brown metal watch on her arm. I'll spare you the story of her and the "snicker doodles" on the table. Suffice it to say, don't get between a 'hongry' woman and her favorite sugary snack.

I couldn't focus on the steps so I just did cha-cha'd my feet around and took in the weird people my husband works with. Poor guy, maybe his job isn't as easy as I thought. He's working in a freaking loony bin, with Bob Ross! The next time I go to anything sponsored by his company again I'm taking my camera.

**In case you're all too young to remember, Bob Ross is pictured above. I watched in on PBS when I was a kid. I'm telling you, it was FREAKY!!

Childhood Obesity

I took Arwen (who feels fine but has a low grade fever, still), Vincent and Annabel to the park today. After an hour of climbing around I thought it would be nice to 'treat' them to an ice cream cone. We packed into the van and headed off to sonic. I ordered and drove around to the window when I saw it.

A Mother and her child were sitting outside. The boy looked to be maybe 12 or 13 and my first thought was why wasn't the child in school. Then I saw the food piled in front of him. He had 2 burgers, 2 drinks and a large fry and was going to town on all of it. His Mother also had a large amount of artery killer and was busy hosing it down. Both were very obese. I'm guessing here but I'd say the boy weighed every bit of 180+ pounds.

As I drove away I couldn't help but think about it. Nowadays people are so overweight. Our society as a whole thrives on living in excess and this includes food. We like our food convenient, fast and cheap. This isn't a good combination. Companies buy cheap for profit which usually means everything in a fast food joint is filled with calories. Even the oils many companies use are stockpiled full of saturated fats.

People have to start being responsible parents. I didn't just feel bad for that boy, I felt anger toward his Mother too. She not only is teaching this child poor eating habits but she is also encouraging it as well but eating horribly herself. How can he learn that fruits, veggies and other home cooked foods are just as tasty?

I normally don't judge people and I'll admit right now I don't know their story. But I can say if I'd seen them eating a normal size meal I probably would never have written this entry. No 13 year old needs to be eating x2 burgers, x2 drinks and a supersized fry for lunch. Neither does a grown woman for that matter.

I suppose for me I'm just frustrated with seeing these extremely obese/overweight people that say it's not their fault and while they say it they are stuffing a Big Mac into their mouth. Some people do gain weight because of legitimate medical reasons but not 15-19% of the population.

I'll get off my soap box now.

Opinions Needed

Ok. I've always wanted to cut my hair into a pixie. I've never done it. I'm not sure if it's because the hubs likes it longer or because I've had stylists that have told me you require a certain face shape (and that you have to be thin and confident to pull it off, and yes I was insulted when told that!).

Anyhow. I love Kelly's cut. Do you think I would look ok and should take the plunge? Or should I grow it back out?

HPV Vaccine

I was over at Doctor David's Blog and I came across THIS entry. No one likes to talk about STD's and I understand. It's embarrassing and taboo to do so. Who wants to talk about a disease that was transmitted during the acts of sex? But HPV is something people need to talk about because it's easy to transmit and it causes cervical cancer.

Most people that have HPV don't even know it. I've already decided that when Arwen and Annabel are older I'd like them to get the shot. It's not because I'm encouraging them to have sex or because I'm fine with them being sexually active. Rather it's due to knowing my children may or may not listen to me and are going to make their own choices. I don't know if they will choose to have sex but I can at least know if they do make that decision they will be protected somewhat from HPV. How could I not allow them to have the vaccine knowing it could potentially save their lives in the future?

The debate on this conjures up images of the birds and bees talk with my Dad. Back then it wasn't the vaccine parents had to decide to encourage or dismiss, it was condoms. I remember my Dad telling me to be responsible and that if I was going to be sexually active to use protection. What's funny is this talk helped me make the decision not to engage in sexual activity. There was no way I was going to talk to my Dad about sex again, much less ask about condoms, and could you imagine if I'd gotten pregnant?!?

HPV is a nasty creature. It's transmitted even if a couple uses condoms because it's passed through genital contact. How scary is that? Scary enough that I'm going to educate my children and give them the information so they can make an informed decision.

Cake!

Since there is a no fever for 24 hours rule at Arwen's school, she is home with me again today. She's feeling better though and helped me make another cake.

She's titled this one, "Birthday Cake Chocolate Surprise". Although I have no clue who's birthday it's supposed to be. She's getting really good at helping me bake. She's also getting better at scraping all that extra icing out to eat!

Am I the only one?

It was brown and nasty. Stains covered the inside nooks and crannies. The lid even needed a cleaning. And the worst part? It had been this dirty for days. I decided to do a little experiment. How long would this disgusting, nasty, smelly toilet remained used by my family? And better still, would my husband take the plunge and clean the toxic hazard or wait until I did it? After a week the answer was painfully clear.

He was going to wait for me. (Thanks Babe.)

I know there are some people who say, "I don't do bathrooms" but jeezus.

♥ Mark and Kristi ♥

Today has been hell but I wanted to blog quickly about DWTS last night.

♥ Mark and Kristi ♥ are the two to beat this season, seriously. Her Mambo was so awesome!

Jimbo told me his company is offering a free ballroom lesson this week and I so hope I can go. I asked him last week if he'd consider taking classes with me. I'll confess my husband is rather hot when he wants to be (aka when he shaves! he just doesn't like looking so young) and I'd love to see him dress up nice for me and not just for work!

I have the fever! And dancing would help get me back into shape. If my body will accept the challenge that is.

Lapbaby

Lapbaby (n) (pl - bies) ~ a very young child or infant who's favorite area to reside or rest is the lap.

Again

My two oldest children are sick...again. It started with Logan complaining of his tummy, which turned into a fever. Then this morning same thing with Arwen. They are both at home, Logan resting on the couch watching cartoons, Arwen up in her bed watching Cinderella.

I'm so fed up with all this sickness. It seems to strike our house at least once per week. Arwen has missed so much school and I worry. I don't want her to be held back (I've been assured by the office this will not be an issue as she is above par on her school work) and if she misses she can't do the new assignments.

I'll have to do a ton of running today to keep Annabel from them. I hope she doesn't get this as well.

History of the F Word

Ahh the "F" word. This is not work safe and definitely not for the ears or eyes of children.

Otherwise, enjoy. It is pretty funny!

Tummy Hurts

One of the obstacles I face having an autistic son is communication. Logan can express his wants and desires now but he his responses are vague.

"More drink please."
"Poopie the pottie."
"Want Chips, Want Yogurt, Want Popcorn."

This is very frustrating when he doesn't feel well. I've noticed the last week or so he will point to his tummy at times and say, "Mommy, tummy hurt". I will go over and inspect his tummy and when I'm done he seems ok.

Today I got a note from the school. It's his first day back and has begun complaining about his tummy. I'm going to call the doctor and arrange to have him looked over. It's very scary when my child can't tell me how badly he hurts or exactly where the pain is coming from.

Mom Confession of the Week

I wish I could do the things I did when I was a child and get away with it. Because if I could, I'd be shoving that huge pile of laundry under the bed and no one would be the wiser.

Redneck Aunt

I've blogged about this before and always saved it as a draft. I suppose I was embarrassed to have Jerry Springer people in my family and more so, I was embarrassed about this entire issue. I'd hoped to move on and never think of it again...but it's not to be.

It's a long story but I'll try to make a cliff notes version. My Mom's sister, Aunt Glo, is an alcoholic. Not only is she an alcoholic but she is an extremely violent and hateful one. She doesn't work, hasn't for years and mooches off my poor grandmother and uncles (and occasionally my own Mom and aunts). She's been in the slammer many times over and most people in the family tend to avoid her whenever possible. I'd personally never had issues with her, until about a year ago.

Basically, Jimbo's parents live in the same neighborhood as Glo. And since Jimbo's Dad likes to have a drink with buddies, he and Glo ran in the same (albeit small) circles. But the group began to dislike Glo and her violent streak and eventually they cut her out of it. Now, Glo got extremely pissed. She began getting on a CB radio that she acquired since the men in the neighborhood use them for neighborhood watch. She would scream profanities and curse until the alcohol consumed her and she would pass out.

But one night was different. One night she changed tactics. She got onto the CB radio and launched into an attack at Jim. She called me a whore, said his grandchildren weren't really his, that all of my children were bastards with different Fathers. My Mother in law heard this and called the police. They came out and took a statement. This is where things went from bad to worse.

About a week or so later I was getting ready for Logan's IEP at school. I'd gotten dressed and was preparing lunch for the boys when the doorbell rang. I was around 5-6 months pregnant with Annabel at the time. I answered the door and a strange woman stood there. I assumed she was a solicitor of some kind.

Come to find out, this lady was from DHR or CPS (whichever you have in your area). She was, "investigating a report of neglect" and asked to come in. Of course I said yes. I hurried inside, cut off the stove and lead her to the playroom. The boys were as I'd left them, playing on the back deck with their colored chalk. She took a seat and got down to business. And it wasn't pretty.

The claims were all junk (of course) but some of them cut rather deeply. Accusations that I locked my children into their bedrooms, ignored them to play video games, that I was a addicted to drugs, that my husband was violent. You get my drift. The case worker told me she shouldn't say it but she got the complaint via email and asked who would say such things about my family. At the time I was in shock and had no idea. It was too much to take in at one time.

She asked if I'd submit to a drug screen and I told her I would, however, I'd had Mepergen Fortis the night previous for gallstones. I explained my medical history and she asked me if I'd be willing to sign over my medical records to her. I agreed. She said she had to see Arwen because there was a report that Jimbo had physically assaulted her. She scheduled the appointment the next morning at 7:00am.

By the time she arrived the next day I'd talked to family and realized there was only one person who would lie so terribly to hurt us and it was Glo. The tip off was her getting on the CB radio after I'd called my Mother to inform her I thought her sister just reported us to DHR. My Mom of course called and after they hung up Glo got on the radio to Jimbo's father.

"Your little phone call didn't work." She said and laughed.

The next morning, the case worker returned. She talked with Arwen. I also informed her of my 'belief' that the person who emailed was in fact my aunt. I told her she could find her history at the local sheriff's department. She said of all her cases ours was of the least concern and not to worry. I told her I'd contacted my Early Intervention contacts and they would be calling her (Lisa and Angie, my care coordinators were very angry. It is after all their job to report abuse in a home and they were out here weekly). She bid us a good day and that was it. I signed over my medical the next day and I never heard from DHR again (knock on wood!)

Things returned to normal. Glo stayed quiet for a time. Until now.

I've found out she's returned to her old antics. I keep waiting for a knock on my door and I absolutely hate it. I've talked to Jimbo about contacting an attorney. Perhaps we can be proactive here. I don't care what she says about me but these are my children she is threatening. DHR has the power to take them away from me, even if the reports are unfounded.

I'm really torn about what to do. This entire situation is horrible. I've never wished death upon anyone but I find myself thinking the world would be such a better place if Glo wasn't in it. She's the most vile person I've ever met in my life. She serves no purpose but to hurt those around her.

Easter Pictures

Annabel and Justice, this picture is special to me for some reason. They look so sweet together.

I really love this picture too. My sister and I and our baby girls.

And this picture takes the cake, even if Zoe is making faces and Arwen's face is covered. My own sister with her daughters and me with mine.

And lastly, the hunt at Joannes. She has the most gorgeous view. Her house sits on the top of a bluff, it's hard to catch on film.

Only takes a minute

This morning Arwen was coughing so before she left I hurriedly gave her a dose of her prescribed cough medication and off she went. As the door closed I heard Annabel so I rushed upstairs to her. Shortly after Vincent woke up. I brought them to the middle floor in an attempt to tackle neglected chores.

As I was folding laundry I realized I needed hangers so I walked to the adjoining kitchen area. Vincent walked toward me and held out his hand. He was holding the cough bottle, opened, with the contents visibly less than this morning. So I did what any responsible parent would.

I freaked out.

I first called the Doctors office and was referred (as I expected to be) to poison control. I've had several conversations with poison control since the birth of my children. I'm always afraid they are going to call Child Protective Services and report me for those times my children have found and eaten hand sanitizer and desitin (among other things).

Then I saw it. On the nearby carpet in the formal dining room was a large purple stain. I'd found at least some of my missing cough syrup. The phone clicked over and I connected with poison control. They agreed he probably didn't get too much but to be safe I'm to watch him (duh) closely for an hour and to call if he has any changes (or sleepiness).

It only takes a minute, literally, for children to get into something. No matter how safe you are, no matter how child proofed your home, accidents just happen.

Humbled

Saturday night I checked some of the comments in my blog when I saw it. A blogger I have great admiration for dropped in to visit and left me a comment. I was so excited until I realized that as of late many of my blogs haven't been humorous or lighthearted. Suddenly I felt ashamed and ultimately humbled.

Dream Mom is such an eloquent writer, if you get he opportunity to visit her blog, please do so. You will find no other blog on the web that shows the sheer love and devotion a Mother experiences for her child. I always feel a sense of hope after reading her entries.

Because of her entry I went into Sunday at my Mom's from a different perspective and I'm happy to say, it went smoothly. Sure there were 'moments' but overall, it was fun. The children had a wonderful time. It was a beautiful day. I need to appreciate that and I did. I hope you all had a wonderful Easter Sunday with your loved ones this year.

Happy Easter!!

Happy Easter to you all. I'm about to head out the door. I'm sure I'll have something interesting to blog about when I return home this evening.

Momma Drama

I'm about to make an entry on a subject that seems to continuously appear on my blog. For those of you who are tired of hearing about my Momma drama, please skip over this.

As you may recall from a previous entry, Beware the Ides of March, my Mother and I are having some issues and have been for a very long time. After our heated discussion I decided we would go over for a short time on Easter in the morning. After all, we are going to Jim's family and I do want to be fair (even if making the trip really puts us out).

Tonight after the kids were settled I decided to sneak in a nap. I nestled with Annabel upstairs when the phone rang. No big I figured, until I heard the caller ID. It was my Mom. I heard the answering machine click over and I just let it. I was tired and Annabel was nearly asleep. Then I heard my cell phone going off. Again, it was her (why she does that is beyond me, if I don't answer the home phone why would I answer my cell???) and again I didn't pick it up.

When I woke an hour or so later I came downstairs and Jimbo looked rather peeved (which admittedly is odd for him, sure he's a pain in the kitchen but more often than not he's passive). It appears my Mom called yet again and he picked up. Every time in the past this has happened my Mother has asked for me, told him to tell me to call her and hung up. But not today. Nope. Today she was all kisses and, "the kids are going to have soooooo much fun! I bought this and that and blah blah blah", all because she is getting her way.

"It's pisses me off so bad," he said. "She treats me like shit every time she calls. No 'how are you' or 'thank you' just, 'is Jaime there, well tell her I called, click' it's insulting. Not to mention all the times she's called and when she hears me she hangs up. What the fuck does she think, I can't read the caller ID? That I don't know it's her hanging up on me?"

And the truth is, he has every right to be angry. My Mother has crapped on him and although I do not allow it or condone it (and she knows it too), she is still a bitch to him. I still remember after giving birth to Logan, Jimbo was in the hospital room with me when Mom called. She asked to speak with me and I was asleep, which Jimbo told her.

"Little shit," she said as she hung up the phone. He never forgot that and neither have I. When I brought it up she tried to downplay it or changes the subject.

I know several of you fellow bloggers have suggested I cut her out of my life or just simply say no. (I truly appreciate the comments and support from you all) Trust me when I say I'd love to do both of these things and I've tried them out.

First I cut her out as much as I could. Problem is my daughter adores her (believe it or not, as a testament to my truth, my boys have never stayed the night with my Mother) and the longer she goes without seeing her, the more she craves it. I don't wish to punish Arwen for my Mothers faults. (even if my dear sweet daughter returns home acting like a brat and fool for a good week after a trip to her "Grannies")

Then I tried telling her "NO". This worked for a very short period of time because she would call and put on that act. And it all lies within me but I allow her to guilt trip me. I try to stop it but years of conditioning are working against me.

When you add all the shit she has put me through it also causes tension for Jimbo. He loves me and when he sees me upset or crying (which I never do) he is livid. And he knows she is the only person who can upset me so much, and just the fact that SHE knows it and continues to do it. Let's just say it pisses him off something fierce.

It's hard having a manipulative person as your Mother. I'm pretty sure she acts as she does because of tons of insecurity. I've always known she put on a show for others. She always has to be the center of anything. Even in times of crisis. As terrible as it is for me to admit it, my Mom thrives off of drama. It seems to bring out the best and worst in her.

I don't know what we are going to do after this year. I want to be fair but she isn't being fair and for those you might say, "tell her she can come visit your house", I have tried, believe me. I've asked her and my Dad over time and again and they've come out a handful of times. They tell us, "it's such a long trip, it's too hard to come out there". I guess packing 4 children up and taking them there is easy.

I told Jimbo today that it's like this. I feel as if she places this huge weight upon my shoulders and makes me bear it. Then each time she calls it's a reminder of that weight and of the burden imposed upon me by her. And it makes me absolutely resent the hell out of her.

She just doesn't get it and to prove my point I'll end this entry with a comment she made to Jimbo that had steam coming out of his ears.

"11 o'clock will come so early tomorrow."

HELLO. We get up at 6-7am here to care for our children. You think 11am is coming early?

Wake the hell up Mother. Please.

Mission Accomplished

Aside from Bertha, only one thing marred our day. When we'd finished up and walked back to the van Vincent dropped his toy (a little pink ball). It rolled under a fence and when Jimbo went to retrieve it Logan stepped out of the side of the van and somehow Vincent got tripped up.

All I saw were legs in the air and from what Jim says Vincent went head first toward the concrete and his easter basket broke his fall. He cried for a bit but quickly moved on. His poor nose is going to have a nice bruise for several days.

The Pictures:





And this is Vincent after his tumble. His poor nose is so bruised. Thank god for that easter basket! He's also snoozing some serious logs right now. So I'd say bruise and all he had a good time.

Going Mainstream Autism Article

Going Mainstream ~ Early intervention and inclusion open doors for children with autism by Cindy Long.

This is one of the best articles I've ever read about autism. You can find it HERE. Please take a look, it explains what classrooms are like and methods used to deal with autistic children. No longer are they kept in special education rooms, instead they are integrated into normal classrooms and environments.

There was one quote that really stuck with me:

"If you've met one child with autism, you've met one child with autism."

It's so true because autism varies so greatly. No two children are ever alike.

There is always ONE

Today was the company picnic for the children at the park. We piled up all the kiddos and headed out this morning, excited because for the first time all the children (minus Annabel of course) would be able to grasp the concept.

We arrived early and found the age group locations. Each space is marked by a large sign posted into the ground and each section is blocked off with yellow plastic strings. Each group takes a turn, going from the 0-2 group then the 3-4 year olds then the 5-6 group and finally the 7-10 year olds.

First the boys went. Logan made my heart ache. Instead of hogging any eggs I watched as he would pick up eggs and the hand them to nearby children. One Mother said, "he is so sweet". I nodded and was filled with pride. He truly is a wonder. Vince did great too. No pushing or rushing. He would grab as he found and smiled in delight. They didn't make off with too many things but they had a great time and soon we waited for Arwen.

We moved outside the yellow string to wait when I bent over to grab Vincent's hand. I felt a painful stab on my head and a loud voice followed saying, "My BAD!" I looked into the face of a very large woman, we'll call her Bertha. I told her no problem and quickly moved next to Arwen to get some pictures.

The announcer told the 5-6 year olds to get ready and began going over the rules.

"Please don't direct your children or help them in this area, everyone is old enough in this group to hunt alone" she said. And that's when it happened, Bertha began 'coaching' her daughter.

"Ok hunny, you just grab ALL those eggs. You hurry and get them all, you find that PRIZE egg!" She started pointing in areas in the marked off section. "Look, there is one over there and over there too, look under all the grass, don't rush or you'll miss them!"

The announcer gave the green and off the children went. Arwen ran to and fro and I tried to snap pictures and ignore Bertha in my right ear, screaming to look here and there.

"OVER HERE, THERE IS ONE OVER HERE!" she gestured to the area in front of us. "LOOK! IT'S GREEN, OVER HERE!"

Meanwhile Logan saw a piece of candy laying on the ground. Not only do they put out eggs but they throw out chocolate and such for the children. Logan reached for it.

"Oh no hunny, you're all done." Bertha said. I stared at her and gave her the eat shit and die look. She quickly changed her tone. "Well, if they don't get it soon hunny you can get it then."

By the time everything was done Bertha's daughter returned to her. She didn't get the "Prize" egg but she had 3X as much in her basket as Arwen and the other children inside. I watched as they walked away and I realized that this is what is wrong with our society. Bertha knew she wasn't supposed to show her child where the eggs were but she didn't care.

What kind of message is she sending to her daughter? Can you just imagine this girl in the next 10 years when she is 16 or 17? I can and it makes me cringe. Another entitlement person who thinks the world revolves around her. That's just what this world needs.

Man of La Mancha

Every polish junkie has their favorites. You can usually tell which ones they are because they will either have more than one bottle of it or the bottle they do have will be close to empty.

My favorite polish of all time is OPI's Vampire State Building. But as it's almost gone (my last bottle is close to halfway gone *sniff*) I make do with other colors I love. I didn't realize until today just how much I wear this color. My bottle is close to the halfway mark and after thinking about it I wear this color at least once a week.

The pictures don't show the true beauty. This polish flashes a beautiful orange but is downright pink indoors and in other lighting. It also has the most amazing pink/orange shimmers inside and just pops. Click on the pictures for larger images that show the colors better.

If you're looking for a good polish to wear year round that is always gorgeous, pick this one up. It's retired but can be found on ebay pretty cheap!

**no more posting today! I've got so much to do. I'll see you all tonight I hope and catch up on some reading!

Rat in the Toilet?!?

Have any of you read THIS story?? If not go check it out! (you can see video at CNN.com too and the picture above is the victim herself) . A woman came home from the store and decided to make a quick trip to the porcelain god. Too bad for her she didn't look down!

This is why I ALWAYS look inside the toilet before I make a deposit. I've never had a rat inside (or anything else for that matter) but I always look.

I bet she has performance anxiety now. I'd never be able to pee in peace again.

Pointers into Sitters

I hope Annabel begins to accept food soon, she's still exclusive on the breast and since she's now 8 months old, it's getting tough. Let me share a story with you.

My nippie was on fire! I looked down at Annabel nursing and tried not to wince. "Any moment now she'll be done," I kept telling myself. As she finished my shoulders sagged in relief. I looked up to see Jimbo holding another baby.

"You forgot to feed her too," he says. He holds the baby out toward me...

Suddenly I wake up. The pain is still in my poor tired boob because Annabel is firmly latched on. It's 1:30 am and not only is my boob sore but my head is pounding. She cries when I take her off so I rotate her to the other side. She nestles in and proceeds to nurse for another 30 minutes.

When I can't hold off any longer I unlatch her and hurry downstairs to take something for my head, meanwhile she begins to throw a tantrum and scream bloody murder. I take the medicine and hurry back to the bed. She roots around until I offer up the breast and again she snuggles in to her personal smorgasbord.

My girls are not going to survive another child. God bless them. They used to be a source of great pride. Both were perky and many a person lavished attention on them (from afar people, these gals lived by the "look but don't touch" motto! Gheesh!). But those glory days are long since gone. Today those girls have a job to do, no more fun and games.

What I'm about to say to you all is tacky as hell but it makes me laugh so hard. It's from a song I love from Rusty McHugh who plays live in Florabama (I love those CD's, so does my Dad, he gave me my first copy. We're redneck like that). You can hear a snippet HERE. (THIS one is great too, just had to share, it's my favorite I think.)

One too many litters turned those pointers into sitters.

Shit.

Jesus is just all right with me

My Mom is at it again. Actually, she's been at it for a few months now. Her latest obsession with our household?

She wants us to attend her church.

Now. Usually, this wouldn't be such a bad thing. Jimbo and I do want to find a church soon and have been talking about it some recently. We'd wanted to wait until the children were a bit older and Logan was more at ease in public.

There are however two I have with my Mom's church.

1. It's so far away. It's not only on the other side of town but it would be a good hour+ drive for us. The gas costs alone would kill us.

2. It's another denomination. I don't recall exactly what it is but I remember thinking, "what is that??" I don't want to just jump in without researching the church.

I've told my Mom this and she just doesn't seem to 'get it'. Case in point. She called yesterday.

"Are things still looking ok for Sunday??"

"As good as they can be," I say.

"Oh...," she pauses and I know what's coming. "Because I really wish there were some way to take all the kids to church with me, they'd just love it!"

"Mom, we are not taking them to church. I'm sorry. It's too far away, would require us to pack them up for church and then your house as well. It's too much work."

Of course she doesn't respond and instead sits on the other end of the phone festering. I know why she wants us to go. It's the prime opportunity for her to show off her 'grandbabies'. But I refuse to take my children to a church just to hunt eggs. In my opinion it would be very rude to the congregation. I can just see how they would perceive us:

"Hey, nice to meet you, hope you don't mind we've brought 3 children here to hog your easter eggs and candy from your regularly attending children."

Only to finish up after and make our exit saying, "Don't worry, we won't be back next Sunday! Take care!"

Late Night

After taking Vincent to the doctor for a terrible cough I came home. I felt exhausted and after fighting it for an hour decided to cave in. I told Jimbo I needed to lay down and went to bed at 7pm.

Fast forward to 2am. I wake with a horrible migraine. I get up, take meds for it and return to bed. No go. While the headache is bearable now I still can't sleep. It's so frustrating because I haven't had a steady sleep schedule in probably 2 years. And as I get older it wears on me more and more.

I noticed the other day when applying my make-up that I have pretty distinct wrinkles forming under my eyes. I suppose it's not the just inner part of me that's tired, the outer part is starting to show signs as well.

I have to do something about this or I'm bound to collapse. I suppose if I could return to a solid work out schedule it would help immensely. I always slept solid if I worked out during the day.

Karma

"MOOOMMIEEE!" I turned to Vincent as I heard his cry echo through the playroom. His husky little body crashed into me as his arms wrapped around my legs.

"What happened?" I ask, hunching over to wrap my arms around him.

"LOGAN!" he yells back and points at his brother before rubbing the top of his head. Obviously Logan made contact with his head either with a body part or a toy.

"Oh, poor Vince, Logan don't hit please."

As I say this Logan perks up and begins running toward me, Vincent eyeballs him and right as Logan approaches Vincent starts forward. He lashes out with his right leg and kicks Logan in the foot before taking off in the opposite direction.

"WAAAAAA!!!!" Logan wails. "MOOMMIIEE!!!!"

Karma's a bitch. And I have to wonder if god is giving it back to me for the bickering my sister and I put my Mother through.

Off Duty

I'm cooking dinner, food is ready but needs to be plated. I'm in the process of doing this when I notice Vincent is running around without pants or a diaper. Jimbo walks in the door.

"Whew," I say. "Vincent is running around without his clothes."

"Ok?" Jimbo says and walks past me up the stairs.

I wait for him to come back down, meanwhile I see Vincent in his naked state, still running around. I get to the third plate when Jimbo walks down the stairs, trash bag in hand. I watch as he walks out the door to the garage.

"Fine!" I stop what I'm doing and go grab a diaper. I find Vincent and he runs off. Meanwhile Jimbo goes to grab a trash bag for upstairs. I'm still chasing Vincent when he comes downstairs to the kitchen.

"You know babe," I start in a pissy tone. "Next time do you think you could help me take care of matters on this floor instead of going upstairs where things can wait until dinner is done?"

"What? I had to take out the garbage, it smelled like shit up there!" He yells.

"Well that's great," I yell back. "But I can't cook dinner and change a naked child too, I could have used some help. Instead I had to stop what I was doing to chase after him so that I could get him clothed before I feed all of you."

"FINE!" he yells again. "Next time I'll come home and do everything."


*****

Nope, next time dear you won't have to come home and do everything. No sir, all you'll have to do is cook for yourself. I'll take care of myself and the kiddos. You can prepare a nice hot meal for your damn self.

The kitchen isn't closed but this cook is off duty.

Sisters

We didn't find out what Annabel was going to be until the day she was born but Arwen knew. She told us time and again she was having a sister this time and she was right.

Watching the two of them together reminds me of my own little sister. I hope they continue to share such a tight bond.

Does anyone else?

Do any of you fellow bloggers have a room in your house that just leaves you asking:

"What the hell were they thinking when they designed this house??"

I do and it's my kitchen. It's almost the smallest kitchen I've ever seen (the only other smaller was my apartment kitchen but they are very close) and provides very little cabinet space. I have 8 cabinets total, all very small, all with two shelves inside.

I can't deal with the lack of room much longer. We've already built an outdoor cabinet in the garage to place canned goods and since the house is built rather oddly (in what I call a 'wrap around' design. The middle floor goes in in a circle, kitchen>dining room>living room>kitchen) there is no space to place things anywhere else.

I wish I could meet with the builder and the person who paid to build. I seriously would like to know what they were thinking.

Dear...

Dear Children ~ I'm not your slave just because I gave birth to you. Don't demand this or that or throw tantrums to get your way. It's not that I don't hear you when I don't respond, I'm simply ignoring you.

Dear Husband ~ I love you. But. I'm going to kill you if you don't soon complete your little 'project' hallway cabinet. The box with parts inside doesn't need to become a permanent fixture inside our bedroom.

Dear Mom (Jim's) ~ You're so good to me. I don't like to complain. But please, stop hanging up the laundry if you help with clothes while we are out. Today I spent the better part of 20 minutes seperating and then organizing Vincent's and Logan's clothing. I have the pants/short sleeves/long sleeves in order for a reason.

Dear Logan & Vincent ~ Listen. I hate changing your diapers too. There is nothing more rancid. But running from me will only result in more frustration and you getting placed into time out. So either potty train for good or assume the position.

Dear toll free number person ~ next time you call you're getting to speak to my 6 year old. She just LOOOVES to talk. I'm sure she'll keep you busy and would just love to talk to you.

Dear Rabbit ~ I'd hoped chewing the electrical cord in Arwen's room would kill you, sadly I was mistaken. This weekend you will be moved to your new home outside. I'm so excited.

Spring Break Remaining = 2 days and counting.

7 Random Things me-me

I've been tagged! This is so exciting. When I started my blog I'd hoped to one day get tagged because it looks fun, shares information and unties bloggers. Thank you RaeCatherine! =)

Here are the rules...

1. Link to your tagger and post these rules on your blog.
2. Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.
3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.
4. Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Here we go, 7 facts about me:

1. I hate cardboard boxes or cardboard material. The sound a box makes when it's being opened or rubbed against makes my skin crawl and the hair on my body rise up. Even typing this is making me feel icky. I don't know why and I don't understand it. It's so bad I won't even open things if they are inside cardboard.

2. I knew my husband in high school. I was the new girl on the block and he took an interest and asked me out. Sadly for him he was a little guy with a big mullet and I said no. I'm glad I met him a few years later and came around. Maybe it was because the mullet had been retired.

3. I didn't know how to cook until I got married. I'm still struggling with it too. I know how to make a few dishes but mostly I have trouble beyond them. Maybe I'm a strange woman but I've never really enjoyed cooking all that much. Baking, yes. Cooking, no.

4. I love to shoot pool. Jimbo and I used to shoot APA pool four nights a week, then three, then two, then one before we had to stop (too many children for my poor Mom to care for that often!). I was pregnant with Logan when our team won the national 9 ball championship locally and with it the trip to Las Vegas to compete. Unfortunately, I was so far along the doctor told me I couldn't go. I delivered the day after competition started.

5. I love all things 80's. I have a huge collection of old 80's movies on VHS tapes and I'll pick one each night before bed and pop it in. Right now, "Jumping Jack Flash" with Whoopi Goldberg is inside the player. I also have a collection of 80's compilations on CD. The only thing I can let go of from this period is the big hair and the spandex.

6. If I could meet one person it would be Dolly Parton. I've loved her since I was a child. I'd love to sit and talk with her about life. She just inspires me for some reason.

7. My favorite store in the world is the book store, I could spend hours inside one. My favorite one is in the older part of the city. It's a renovated house turned bookstore. I love to feel the history inside while browsing the selection (it's not Barnes and Noble or Books-A-Million, titles are not guaranteed there). I also love the newer stores and when I need to get away I'll usually head straight for one.

Now for the tagging!

Littlesunshine who always blooms where she is planted.

Erin over at Life as we Know it.

Lawfrog because I think she'll enjoy it!

Anne over at Bun in the oven. Hers' was the first blog I ever read. Full off sass and humor!

X-Ray Geek because she's so not a geek to me!

Katherine at Because one is not enough since it's been awhile and it give an excuse to blog!

Kristin over at The life and times of first time stay at home Mom. She has a new one on the way and maybe a me-me would provide a nice distraction.

I'm off to leave tags, I hope no one kills me! ;)