Summertime

Summer is here...

And out goes my sanity.

It's cool. I have the hubs on speed dial, 911 programmed into the phone, and a bottle of Valium with my name on them.

I'm going to be visiting blogs today to say hello to everyone (I have missed you greatly) as soon as my children are down for a nap (huzzah!). Then, I'm vegging out on the couch and enjoying the silence while it lasts.

Summertime = the school system's reminder of why you don't mind paying those tax dollars for a quality (or not so much, depending on region) education.

Special Needs

My poor blog has gone to the toilet, but it's not my fault - well, not completely.

The last couple of months have been focused on preparing Logan for kindergarten. We've quizzed, colored, prepped, sang, danced, and worked with his teachers to get him as prepared and able as he can be. Yet even with the educational requirements being met and knowing our son is more than ready for the academic portions of school, his social interactions and stimulus behaviors are still a concern.

We met for his second semester conference and I knew what was coming. I'm his Mother. I see him get excited by loud noises or images. I know that he'll flap his hands, hit the top of his head, spin in circles, or just plain squeal in delight. Jimbo on the other hand, took it hard. And I understand. This is our son and as much as we love him (and always will) he continues to stay in a certain place developmentally while his younger siblings pass him by.

But like it or not, Logan just isn't ready to be integrated into a public school system without an aide present to assist him.

No big deal, right?

I wish.

Since this new stimulus package by Obama has cut school funding, the aide present at the public school Logan would attend was "let go". So we have no other option but to place him into a program inside a public school (aka special education) with the facilities and funding to give my son exactly what he needs.

Hopefully, he will be given the opportunity to attend the kindergarten classes and will only be removed when absolutely necessary. The goal is to prepare him for first grade at his home school next year, but I'm not thinking that far ahead. Right now is difficult enough.

On a positive note, we took the children to the circus again this year. We had a blast. There is no better feeling in this world than observing awe through the eyes of your children. I'll try to get the pictures cropped and edited and share a few.

Birthdays & School Days

The 1st Birthday, she's grown so quickly!!


Before we know it, she'll be in school. Here's Arwen's picture, she started 1st grade this year!

An Update

I just wanted to check in, quickly, while the kids are behaving (for once!)

Things have been absolute hell here the last couple of weeks. Logan and Vincent fight constantly, Annabel refuses to let me put her down (or move out of her line of sight), and Arwen is as mouthy as ever.

At the start of the summer I could slip away for a little private internet love but not so much now. I learned two weeks ago that my boys will merely use the opportunity to ransack the house, breaking anything and everything in their path.

On a positive note, I've finished school clothes shopping and I'm counting the days until I can read all of your blogs without interruption, while sipping a hot cup of coffee. And Annabel celebrated her 1st birthday Sunday, I took pictures and will try to put them up this weekend. I can't believe it's been a year already.

Hope you all are well! And Tania, I've marked my caledar, I'll be getting Breaking Dawn at midnight, reading it from start to finish in one sitting. Jimbo has been advised!

Summer School

These books are AWESOME. I knew I'd keep up with arts and crafts and learning activities this summer with all children and when I went to Wal-Mart I hit up the school supply section. I got the various things; pencils, crayons, markers, water paints but I wanted something more and when I saw this I put it in the cart.

There are so many wonderful lessons and Arwen enjoys playing "school". So if you are looking for something like this for your own child this summer, consider picking one up. There are different ones, each for different grade levels.

Randomness and Pathology

First - benign! Thank the lord. The nodule was a mixture of muscle and fatty tissue but nothing bad.

Second - talked to someone else from the school. It appears that while they are not at capacity they did lose a classroom (budget cuts?) and therefore only have 1 room this year for 1st grade. This makes TONS more sense as to why Arwen wasn't invited this year. Why the Principal couldn't simply convey this to me I'll never understand.

Third - commenting on friends blogs. I've had issues before with blogger. First it was loading pictures up and now I'm having problems commenting. I'll post it up, hit publish and the computer will just sit there. It's beyond frustrating. So to everyone, I'm visiting and trying to comment. Hopefully it will resolve as the picture thing did.

Tomorrow is my first day holding the fort alone. I can't believe I'm saying this but I'm looking forward to it. I hate being bed bound, it drives me insane. It will also give me more time to catch up on everyone and to read up on the news I've missed.

Late Night Worrying and Ranting

"Mommy, I have a lump in my neck too." Arwen walked up to me and motioned to her neck.

"Really?" I played along. "Where?"

"Feel, right...here." She pulled on my hand and placed it on the same side, same spot of my surgery.

I gently felt around and thought I was imagining things, so I felt again...and again...and my heart sank. She has a lump that is almost the same size in almost the same exact location of the one I just had removed.

I have to see the surgeon again in a week and I'll be making a dual appointment for her and myself. I thought I was worried before when this happened to me but I had no idea how worried I could be about something. It's 20 times worse when it's your child.

She's had issues with her tonsils and we'd planned on having them removed this summer. I'm thinking that if the surgeon feels a biopsy is necessary I can request they do both while she is under anesthesia.

It's 3:19 am and I've tossed and turned all night long. I wish it was for the reasons related to myself and not my little girl.

To make matters worse, I got a phone call this afternoon from the school I'd registered Arwen at. While not in our district I was assured that if the class was not at capacity she would be more than welcome (understandably they have to service the children in their zone first). I knew I'd be getting the call to tell me whether or not there was room in the class.

Let me start by saying the principal is an ass, I already knew this. He was a teacher for years at this same school and eventually got the job of principal. He's very well known by all the parents because he's very well despised (by his former students, now parents to his new batch).

He pissed Jimbo off not too long ago when he dropped Logan off at school one morning. He didn't have work that day and was wearing a t-shirt, blue jeans and driving his truck (which looks like something a crazy teen would drive - tinted windows, etc). He pulled up, got out and ran to the passenger side to take Logan inside. Mr. S saw this from the office and rushed outside.

Mr. S : You cannot park here.

Jimbo : I'm not, I'm just dropping him off.

Mr. S : Don't park here again.

Jimbo : I'm not parking, I'm dropping my son off...

Mr. S : Sir, this is a no parking zone, do not park here again or you will be fined.

Jimbo: .....

Then the next week Jimbo did the exact same thing, only this time he was in our Camry, in his work clothes (slacks and dress shirt). Mr. S walks right on by and never says a word.

So when he calls today, this is how the conversation goes.

Me: Hello?

Mr. S: I'm calling to speak to Arwen's parents.

Me: This is her Mom.

Mr. S: I have here that you registered Arwen to attend 1st grade here next semester. (note, he doesn't ask he informs)

Me: Yes sir.

Mr. S: We're not accepting anyone from outside the district into the classroom.

Me: Oh, so you're at capacity this year?

Mr. S: No, we're just not accepting anyone outside the district.

Me: I'm confused, I was told that if you weren't at capacity...

Mr. S: It's not personal, nothing against your child but we're not accepting children outside our district, she will have to use your own zone.

Me: I'm not sure if you're aware but the major reason we'd hoped to register her at your school is so she can attend the same school both of her brothers do. My oldest son is a student of Ms. F and has been since last year.

Mr. S: It's not personal but we're not accepting children outside the district. Thank you.

*click*

The fracker hung up on me.

Now. I know school's only have so much room. I knew Arwen might not get into this particular one. But this man talked down to me, treated me like an idiot and then had the audacity to hang up on me. Perhaps the fact that a majority of his parents don't have a college education is his excuse for being so arrogant. Perhaps he is used to intimidating other people because he thinks he is smarter and more cunning. But I'm not one of them and I refuse to be treated so callously by him.

So the next time I go to the school I plan on walking up to him, introducing myself and asking him to explain exactly why my daughter can't attend the school. I'm pretty sure he won't be so ballsy when he's looking me in the face.

I'll save the drama with my Momma (lol drama with my Momma!) for tomorrow. This entry has enough of that as it stands.

Mapping it Out

I'm stressed and for the first time it's not revolving around my health. Instead the focus of my worries is the upcoming summer with all of my children.

Saying it's hard to be the lone adult versus 4 rambunctious children is a understatement. It's like a rotating spin wheel and each of them take turns deciding my fate.

"I need a drink."

"I need to potty."

"I'm hungry."

And then there is the normal sibling bickering.

"Vincent pushed me!"

"Logan took my toy!"

"Arwen won't share!"

I've decided to sit down and create a firm schedule for them. The one thing I've learned with children is a set schedule keeps things smooth. Children need a routine, it calms them and helps them feel in control. I've been thinking also of different activities, including trips to the park maybe 1-2 times per week (with rising gas costs we cannot afford more of them). Maybe we can finally get a swing set for them this year as well.

I hope I survive.

So Glad

Arwen is on black again today. Which means I got a call from her teacher (again) about her behavior (again). This time she didn't throw away extra popcorn kernels as instructed. *sigh*

So after speaking with my child the teacher comes back onto the phone. I explain my niece was here yesterday and Arwen's behavior is always worse after a visit, which I know is no excuse. Teacher laughs a bit and I tell her this is why Zoe doesn't visit often.

"I love her but she's hard, so hard by the time she goes I'm ready to hand her over."

"Now you know how I feel at 3pm each afternoon, don't get me wrong, I love Arwen too, but by 3pm I'm ready too." She tells me.

"Yes," I agree. "I do understand. It's the reason I'm dreading the upcoming summer."

"It's not the summer I'm worried about for you, it's puberty."

Really? Was that absolutely necessary? Maybe you have some sort of humor that I just don't "get" but seriously. Do you think that statement was at all humorous? Because I know it wasn't appropriate, not to mention, totally unprofessional.

I'm telling you, I cannot wait until next year.

Field Day!

All I can say is Arwen had a great time and it was wonderful to be able to enjoy watching her. I can't believe Kindergarten is almost over...my little girl is growing up before my eyes. I'd better not blink.

Mixed Signals

"They made fun of me Mommy!" Arwens face crinkled up at me as I was brushing her hair to get her ready for school.

"Who did?" I stopped brushing to look at her in the mirror.

"The other kids, you put me in my uniform yesterday and it was out of uniform day and we were supposed to wear pajamas!" She emphasized the last part.

*****

Out of uniform days at school are a very rare treat and one Arwen really looks forward to. I mark each of them on the calendar and since they only occur every couple of months it's pretty easy to keep up with.

Last week we got a letter stating the school would have a 'student' principal and that May 30th was the set day for out of uniform PJ day. I marked it on my calendar. This morning I remembered the note and went digging and I found it. Boy am I pissed.

The date for out of uniform is obviously a typo because it says clear as day the girl will be principal on April 30th and she has decreed that May 30th will be out of uniform pajama day. I feel pretty bad right now since my daughter was obviously picked on by other children because her Mom forgot it was out of uniform PJ day.

I'll be SO glad when she's in a public school next year. Then each and every day she can be the little individual I love. Out of uniform days? Who needs them.

Big Decisions

It was a hard decision for us. We had to make the choice to send Logan to Kindergarten or to keep him where he is. He's right on the line and ultimately we had to choose if we feel he is 'ready' yet to move forward.

A huge part of the problem is not only the autism but also his youth. He would be a very young Kindergartener at only 5 years old (he will turn 5 during the year). But if we didn't place him there this year he will be an older one next year.

In the end the teachers, Jimbo and I think he would best benefit best from one last year in his class. It's going to be hard, he will be the oldest in the group now and we worry he will fall behind without that challenge from older children. So instead of taking cues from those around him, he will be the leader and it stinks in a way because it means he will get the required work but not that stimulation he's experienced these last two years.

I'm glad he's come so far, and I'm not stupid or selfish enough to dare want for more. Hopefully this last year will see him ready to take that next step in 2009. Of all my children, Logan never ceases to amaze me. He truly is my wonder boy.

Waiting for the Bus

And he's here~!!

Not so much another day...

So much for the "Mornings" entry below!

I got ready to pick Vincent up at school. I was running maybe 3-5 minutes behind when I made my way with Annabel to the Van. I got her all buckled in, threw my purse into the passenger front seat, shut the door and ran to get in myself.

I popped in the key and turned...

Nothing. No click, no music from the stereo. The battery obviously dead as a doornail. Panicked I rushed inside for the truck keys in an attempt to jump the van off. I searched until I found them and ran to the truck. Then it hit me...I needed jumper cables.

I called Jimbo only to discover the cables are in the car...the car he drives to work.

DAMN.

I hurriedly called my Mother who rushed out of work to go get Vincent. Then I called the school to tell them about my battery. Poor little guy. He's going to be standing there, while his ride is over 30 minutes late for him.

I feel like such a bad Mother right now. Someone shoot me please.

Resistance

So this week, Arwen returned to the private school. The first day was AWESOME. The teacher and I corresponded, Arwen came home on green, all was right with the world.

Then today...Arwen has two fish gone. And it's not for the normal minor infractions. Nope. My daughter, Hit another child (I do not yet know the context but plan on finding out) and she was 'disobedient'.

*GRRRR!!*

So now I'm left to take yet another angle on how to work with my child. I was recently given some help books on strong willed children. Tonight I plan on sitting down and absorbing as much information as I can. Let me state for the record right now. I do not believe Arwen suffers from anything such as ADD or ODD or any of those letter disorders. She is just a kid and instead of being a quiet one, she's more outspoken.

This is slowly beginning to wear me down. I'm at a total loss here. Arwen is a good child but I'd be lying if I said she isn't hard. She's very hard. She wants things her way, she doesn't listen and has a very short attention span. Just the other day I asked her repeatedly to tell me what she wanted as her snack this week for school. After the 3rd time asking, I took her face into my hands and forced her to look at me. She seemed to struggle with the answer, stuttering and pausing before she chose raisins.

Maybe Arwen is still immature in ways. She is only 6 years old. I remember as a child I was terrible with attention span. I often got reprimanded for day dreaming in class. Maybe she suffers from the same thing but instead of my shy nature she is more outspoken and therefore it's more readily apparent (as she is social with other children in her boredom).

My husband called on his cell after school and put her on the phone. She told me she only hit someone after after another child did. While she claims they were all laughing, she still knows better. I'm beginning to wonder if she was goaded into it (she claims the same thing with the rock, someone else threw one at her first).

Say a prayer for my sanity and please don't think my daughter is a devil child. She isn't. She's struggling because I'm failing her. I can't get a lock onto what the problem is so I can help her deal with it. I am on a mission now to find out what's going on. But my mission is complex and I'll tell you why.

I've known a kid much like Arwen and the option his parents chose for him was medications. His counselors and such decided he had all those letter disorders I spoke of above. But despite the medications he is more trouble than ever. I've heard this story over and over. And I'm standing firm in my resolve NOT to place my children on any medications for behavior. I think too many children in society are being drugged up and I refuse to become one of those parents.

School Update

So as of today, this is where we stand.

I spoke with the public school, found out exactly what I needed to enroll her. We spoke briefly about the issues at hand, what I expected for my daughter. After we hung up I called the private school to tell them my concerns and the potential impact from it.

The private school gets my number. The assistant principal calls. I've never spoken with her and I wish now that I had. She was very polite, very calm and listened to all of my concerns. She has met my child before and told me she personally doesn't believe my daughter does anything out of a malicious intent. She asked me to consider meeting with her and Mrs. B together next week to try one time to make this work. I was hesitant at first but decided to give them both the opportunity to try and win me over with a positive plan for my child.

I then received a call from the public school again, this time from the principal. I told him the offer from the other school and he understood my decision to at least hear them out. He also assured me that Arwen is always welcome. He was very cordial and warm, so I'll feel totally comfortable moving her if this doesn't work.

So next week, I will take Arwen back to the private school to meet with the assistant principal and with Mrs. B. I will give them the chance to explain their plan and I'll give Arwen the chance to tell me what she thinks. The worst that can happen is she starts the public school one or two weeks later. Because if she continues to be miserable, she's as good as transferred.

I'll keep you updated. Cross your fingers for us.

Drive

So I kept Arwen from school and waited to hear from the school in our zone. They didn't call by the time I had to go get Vincent (at another school, the one I'd rather place Arwen in, right beside our district). After we got him I drove by the school to show it to her.

I didn't realize how very worn and run down the facility is. It's pretty bad. It made me hesitate for a moment in my decision somewhat. I did contact Mrs. B this morning via email to make her aware of the situation. It is her class after all and I think she has the right to know.

I think I'll spend today calling the school board about policies with placing a child into another school (out of zone). I was told I can do this as long as I drop her off and pick her up.

No More

It's official. I am pulling my daughter out of the school from hell. No more of this petty bullshit.

I get a call today from the school and my daughter is on black...again. So I talk to her, find out what she did and ask why she did it. I tell her that her father and I will talk to her when she gets home, that I love her and to put her teacher on.

Sub teacher gets on the phone and tells me cheerfully but in a condescending tone, "Mrs. S I'll be sending home a paper you will need to sign and return to me."

"Let's worry about that in a minute," I say. "First, what exactly did my daughter do to have these fish removed?"

"Excuse me?" she seems amazed I'm not just accepting what she tells me to do.

"I said, what did my daughter do exactly?"

"Well, the first thing she did was not follow directions and/or pay attention."

"Ok, how exactly did this happen though? What was she doing? How did she not follow directions?"

"Well...," she falters for a moment. "There is so much going on in class I can't recall exactly."

"Please forgive me for saying this," I'm ready to give her an ass chew. "But if you want me to punish my child I need to know exactly what she did."

"I'm sorry, I don't recall exactly."

"Ok, what was the second thing she did?"

"She spoke in the hallway."

At this point I'm starting to fester. I've been punishing my child for months for the most petty of things, like forgetting to put away crayons to talking in the hallway.

"Ok, and as for the last thing?"

"She threw a rock at a child."

"She did? Did she say why? What happened?"

"Well, I don't know exactly, a boy came to us and said Arwen threw a rock at him."

"So you didn't see her do this, so you don't know if this was done in play or anger or what, but she pulled a fish?"

"Mrs. S throwing rocks is very dangerous and shouldn't be done."

"Oh I agree, totally. But when I punish my children I need to know what has happened so I can find out exactly why she did something wrong. I don't tell her simply, 'you don't throw rocks'. I get deeper into it. I ask why she threw the rock. Was she angry? Was she playing? What was the problem? Arwen has 3 younger siblings, believe me when I say hitting, throwing or pushing isn't tolerated here."

"Yes Mrs. Saare. Unfortunately Arwen has troubles often with talking and sitting still. This has been a constant struggle with her."

I take a breath and start counting to ten.

"Please listen. I've been in talks with Mrs. B for weeks regarding this very thing. She has told me my daughter is strong willed and this won't change. She and I have been working together to find a way to work with Arwen for a positive outcome. I don't expect you to understand this because you weren't here when this happened. I'll talk to Arwen tonight and her father as well."

After we hung up I called the public school in our zone. I'm taking Arwen there tomorrow and letting her take a look. If she wants to go there, she is.

It's time I do what's best for my child. She is so very unhappy. Her voice today was something I've never ever heard before. Her voice was broken.

School Thoughts

I've been thinking about this all day and when I read the question by Erin decided to make another entry, to deeper explain what is happening.

First, they are asking for parents to donate a meal each week for a prize for this "Bash" they are holding. Basically the winner of this silent auction item will get a free meal once a week (or something) for so long by parents. So they are asking for donations for the meals for this prize. I hope that makes sense.

OK, now for what I've been thinking.

Maybe all of this is just me. Maybe the problem isn't so much with the school. Sure they ask for money constantly (all schools do) but so do other schools (even if they don't use the parents calling one another methods). Maybe this all stems from how my mind works. Let me explain.

I was raised pretty poor. My parents always kept me fed and clothed (and clean!). They worked very hard to make a life for themselves but those first years were rough. I still remember the trailer park I lived in. I remember wanting for material things but never asking my Mother or Father because I didn't want to hurt their feelings. I took pride in how hard they worked just to care for me and my sister.

My parents finally came into their own financial stability when I was in my teens. We lived comfortably in a trailer until Mom and Dad had the money and moved to a house. So all through out high school I was constantly struggling with that image. The one of living in the "park". All of popular kids knew who we were. In fact, this is where I met Jimbo (he lived in similar circumstances).

So as we've climbed that social ladder, a part of me has moved forward as another part of me has firmly stayed behind. And you know what? I'm glad of that. Knowing how it is to live on the other side of the fence works wonders for keeping a strict budget and living within your means.

This plays into the school situation in that a part of me still wishes to be "those" people. The ones I knew in high school who never cared much about money because they had so much of it. The people who send their children to this school have alot of wealth. One of the silent auction items at this bash we won't be attending is a CONDO. I freaking condo. If that tells you anything.

I believe my daughter is very intelligent and I want to give her the best possible start. She is worth that investment. But I've also given money outside of the huge tuition monthly to her class already. $5 dollars here, $10 there. It adds up. And then to be asked for more money on top of it, it just gets to a point where I hate to say no but I honestly can't say yes.

It's sort of like this. I'm sure you've all had the calls from different organizations asking for donations. Yet when you offer $5 dollars they say to you, "I'm sorry, the minimum donation we are requesting is $25 dollars". Why can't they just accept what you have to offer? I've always assumed if someone truly needs money they will jump on anything given. But I've had the phone calls to prove otherwise.

One of the major reasons this is stressing me I suppose is recently we cut our budget back for excess spending (and I mean cut it). We're doing this in an effort to save for something that must be cared for and soon...our home. It sucks but it's how we'll finally get this done. For normal joes like ourselves, that means saving and cutting out extras. But for others (like some parents at this school) $10,000 dollars isn't something they'd have to save for.

Thanks for all your comments. I really appreciate them. I'll continue to think this over and try to come up with the best possible solution.

Public School Thoughts

I am seriously fed up with my daughters private school. As in I'm so angry I could blow.

I answered the phone as it rang for the 20th time this morning. I've been anxious about my sister and I've been getting updates every 10-20 minutes but the number on my ID was someone I didn't know. I answered it and it was from a parent from the private school, wanting (wait for it...) more money.

I wanted to chew her ass. I know they have a ton of money to blow through. I realize that many of them have lucrative jobs and can contribute money for everything. But we cannot. We put our necks on the chopping block just to place Arwen into this school.

I tried as nicely as possible to explain that:

We are on a budget.

We have 4 children.

I am a stay at home Mom.

It was a strain financially just to place Arwen in the academy at all and extra money wasn't something we just had on hand.

But this woman wouldn't take no for an answer. She told me it was tax deductible and would greatly "help the parents". She basically wanted us to either, A. Make a Dinner for two parents to share for a night out or B. Purchase a gift certificate to a local restaurant for them to go out to dinner together.

News flash lady, I can't even get out to a nice dinner with my own husband unless it's our anniversary. Why in the hell am I going to give someone else the money to do it instead? If anyone needs that time alone together it's us!

I finally told her to call back. That I'd have to speak to my husband about our finances first. She said she'd call back tonight but I told her I'd be with my sister, so she said she'd call tomorrow. I hope she does because I've already decided, I'll have Jimbo answer. He'll take care of her.

I think we need to place Arwen into a public school next year. I care alot about her education but I can no longer put up with these rich people. It makes me very uncomfortable. And what kills me is you see children in that school who come from struggling families, even more so than ours. You can see it in the tattered uniforms and book bags. Yet they still ask those parents to donate and they usually do since it's, "For the Church".

It burns my ass, I tell you. If they truly want to do something for others, they need to pay attention to those who have the money to donate and those who don't. Then they can call up Mr. and Mrs. Doctor Smith and get their cash. I'm sure she won't miss out on getting a new pair of shoes. But leave Mr. and Mrs. Average Joe alone.

And I really want to see where all this money they collect goes to. I want to see the books. There is no way possible the money goes into our school and classroom. "How do you know that?" you might wonder? The answer is simple. Because all of things in the classroom have come from US parents. The teachers and principal made sure to nickel and dime us before school started for it all.

I have a feeling it's going toward that big shiny church next door. I told Jimbo before I didn't like the idea of a Catholic private school. Sure I want my daughter to have the best education offered in our area but I don't see how teaching her "Holy Mary" and other prayers qualifies as "quality education".

I'm really open here for some sound advice. Would you place your child in public school? What would you do here? If it weren't for the constant asking for money I might not mind so much. The teacher issues will be resolved next year (I hear Mrs. B is very tough but the first grade teachers are awesome) so the only problem will be this.

And better yet. If we do keep her there. How would you deal with these calls? The school is VERY smart. They have parents calling parents. It's much easier to get ugly to a solicitor or to throw away mail but you try blowing off a parent on the other end of the phone.

I'm all ears.