Check Up & Shake Up

Today was Annabel's check up and routine vaccinations. She did very well and the doctor said everything was perfect. He commented on her food allergy and said to continue nursing as long as we can, he also said if things persist he will want to do some testing.

We came home and I wasn't feeling well so I laid on the floor and passed out with the baby while the other children napped. When I woke I still wasn't feeling well so I went back to bed. I woke to the phone ringing at 8:30. It was the doctor calling for Mom and I was worried so after we got everyone settled I called to check on her.

Today she was rushed for testing when she had severe chest pain. They did several things and a few of them came back "bad". She was sent for a few more things and finally was told everything was ok that it was induced by stress.

When I found this out my heart sank and I fought back panic. I adore this woman, she is my best friend, my rock. She brings out the best in me and I realized today I can't even imagine my life without her and even more so, I don't want to.

The Mist

Few movies leave me after with nightmares and the jitters. For some reason, this one really did me in. I had repeated nightmares last night after viewing it. (Something about one of the beginning scenes set the tone, a Mother pleading for help...if you watch you'll know what I mean)

So if you get a chance, you might want to watch it. But warning ~ I watch nothing but scary movies and I'm not usually scared. Maybe I'm just getting soft in my age or maybe it was just the movie (something about movies where things 'could' happen and/or end of days just give me the heebie jeebies).

Jimbo said it was creepy to him but not to the extent it was to me. If you happen to see it, tell me what you thought.

It Pours

This just hasn't been my weekend.

First it was fighting for a friendship before realizing I had to let go. Then it was not feeling well yet again (H.Pylori). But the final blow came when I found out my Grandmother is ill and was placed into the hospital.

Apparently she is suffering from Acute Renal Failure. I got the emergency call while shopping in Wal-Mart and it was so hard to keep it together in a public place. The hospital admitted her and over the weekend she has improved but I'm not sure exactly how much. I'm assuming since my Mother finally left her side to go home to shower and change she must be doing a little better.

The possibility of losing her forever terrifies me. My most fond memories and joys from childhood revolve around my Momaw. The love I have for her is beyond description in words. I miss seeing her each day and when I think back to high school and all it's angst the one happy memory I carry is of arriving off the bus at her house where she had dinner ready and her always open arms. She always knew how to comfort me and even today can bring out a part of me people rarely get to see.

I don't know how much more stress I can take. My heart is breaking. I hope this week is better.

Biopsy

The picture above is from Arwen's room. That is the tissue consumption from her since last night. That's one heck of a runny nose!

Today I scheduled my meeting with the surgeon. I've put it off long enough. Last night when I was in bed I felt the little lump in my neck and I think it's gotten bigger. It's so frightening dealing with things like this. I told Jimbo I feel like a car. At first I was all nice and shiny and now I'm slowly falling apart, piece by piece.

I just want to be healthy again but I'm starting to worry that is never going to happen. To make matters worse I finally realized people are right when they mention my weight loss. I was standing in front of the mirror and I noticed I had hella Inner Thigh Clearance. Basically ITC is the measurement of space between the tops of your thighs. Mine used to rub slightly but I noticed yesterday not so much.

So I pulled out an old pair of blue jeans I'd purchased that shrunk and I never wore again. I bought them after a severe bought of postpartum with Logan when I'd lost a large amount of weight but even then they didn't fit after that shrinkage. Well, they fit now.

It's just scary. I hope everything is alright. I've been deluding myself into thinking the weight loss was from the H.Pylori but now I worry it's something more.

Redneck Aunt

I've blogged about this before and always saved it as a draft. I suppose I was embarrassed to have Jerry Springer people in my family and more so, I was embarrassed about this entire issue. I'd hoped to move on and never think of it again...but it's not to be.

It's a long story but I'll try to make a cliff notes version. My Mom's sister, Aunt Glo, is an alcoholic. Not only is she an alcoholic but she is an extremely violent and hateful one. She doesn't work, hasn't for years and mooches off my poor grandmother and uncles (and occasionally my own Mom and aunts). She's been in the slammer many times over and most people in the family tend to avoid her whenever possible. I'd personally never had issues with her, until about a year ago.

Basically, Jimbo's parents live in the same neighborhood as Glo. And since Jimbo's Dad likes to have a drink with buddies, he and Glo ran in the same (albeit small) circles. But the group began to dislike Glo and her violent streak and eventually they cut her out of it. Now, Glo got extremely pissed. She began getting on a CB radio that she acquired since the men in the neighborhood use them for neighborhood watch. She would scream profanities and curse until the alcohol consumed her and she would pass out.

But one night was different. One night she changed tactics. She got onto the CB radio and launched into an attack at Jim. She called me a whore, said his grandchildren weren't really his, that all of my children were bastards with different Fathers. My Mother in law heard this and called the police. They came out and took a statement. This is where things went from bad to worse.

About a week or so later I was getting ready for Logan's IEP at school. I'd gotten dressed and was preparing lunch for the boys when the doorbell rang. I was around 5-6 months pregnant with Annabel at the time. I answered the door and a strange woman stood there. I assumed she was a solicitor of some kind.

Come to find out, this lady was from DHR or CPS (whichever you have in your area). She was, "investigating a report of neglect" and asked to come in. Of course I said yes. I hurried inside, cut off the stove and lead her to the playroom. The boys were as I'd left them, playing on the back deck with their colored chalk. She took a seat and got down to business. And it wasn't pretty.

The claims were all junk (of course) but some of them cut rather deeply. Accusations that I locked my children into their bedrooms, ignored them to play video games, that I was a addicted to drugs, that my husband was violent. You get my drift. The case worker told me she shouldn't say it but she got the complaint via email and asked who would say such things about my family. At the time I was in shock and had no idea. It was too much to take in at one time.

She asked if I'd submit to a drug screen and I told her I would, however, I'd had Mepergen Fortis the night previous for gallstones. I explained my medical history and she asked me if I'd be willing to sign over my medical records to her. I agreed. She said she had to see Arwen because there was a report that Jimbo had physically assaulted her. She scheduled the appointment the next morning at 7:00am.

By the time she arrived the next day I'd talked to family and realized there was only one person who would lie so terribly to hurt us and it was Glo. The tip off was her getting on the CB radio after I'd called my Mother to inform her I thought her sister just reported us to DHR. My Mom of course called and after they hung up Glo got on the radio to Jimbo's father.

"Your little phone call didn't work." She said and laughed.

The next morning, the case worker returned. She talked with Arwen. I also informed her of my 'belief' that the person who emailed was in fact my aunt. I told her she could find her history at the local sheriff's department. She said of all her cases ours was of the least concern and not to worry. I told her I'd contacted my Early Intervention contacts and they would be calling her (Lisa and Angie, my care coordinators were very angry. It is after all their job to report abuse in a home and they were out here weekly). She bid us a good day and that was it. I signed over my medical the next day and I never heard from DHR again (knock on wood!)

Things returned to normal. Glo stayed quiet for a time. Until now.

I've found out she's returned to her old antics. I keep waiting for a knock on my door and I absolutely hate it. I've talked to Jimbo about contacting an attorney. Perhaps we can be proactive here. I don't care what she says about me but these are my children she is threatening. DHR has the power to take them away from me, even if the reports are unfounded.

I'm really torn about what to do. This entire situation is horrible. I've never wished death upon anyone but I find myself thinking the world would be such a better place if Glo wasn't in it. She's the most vile person I've ever met in my life. She serves no purpose but to hurt those around her.

Only takes a minute

This morning Arwen was coughing so before she left I hurriedly gave her a dose of her prescribed cough medication and off she went. As the door closed I heard Annabel so I rushed upstairs to her. Shortly after Vincent woke up. I brought them to the middle floor in an attempt to tackle neglected chores.

As I was folding laundry I realized I needed hangers so I walked to the adjoining kitchen area. Vincent walked toward me and held out his hand. He was holding the cough bottle, opened, with the contents visibly less than this morning. So I did what any responsible parent would.

I freaked out.

I first called the Doctors office and was referred (as I expected to be) to poison control. I've had several conversations with poison control since the birth of my children. I'm always afraid they are going to call Child Protective Services and report me for those times my children have found and eaten hand sanitizer and desitin (among other things).

Then I saw it. On the nearby carpet in the formal dining room was a large purple stain. I'd found at least some of my missing cough syrup. The phone clicked over and I connected with poison control. They agreed he probably didn't get too much but to be safe I'm to watch him (duh) closely for an hour and to call if he has any changes (or sleepiness).

It only takes a minute, literally, for children to get into something. No matter how safe you are, no matter how child proofed your home, accidents just happen.

House on Winchester Avenue

I had a nightmare today while I napped and after I woke it stayed with me. I figured I'd write it down and when I was finished (with the first part) I'd decided I'd share what I have so far...maybe the dream will leave and I won't have to finish the rest. I hate nightmares.

The House on Winchester Avenue

The furniture was still inside. That was the first thing that struck me as odd. As it stood the house was already a steal. With all the furnishings left behind we could possibly pay down the mortgage by half. As I walked past the living room into the hallway I couldn’t help but stare at the bedrooms, each lined on the right side of the hall, each with an empty doorframe. To the left were windows, one window to each space of wall opposite it. It was as if the windows offered each resident a teasing glimpse at the world right outside.

The bedrooms were equally odd. I took my place at the top master bedroom and looked down. It was like staring at one of those hidden image paintings, or being inside a hotel that had the shared doors between. All you had to do was stand at an angle to see directly down the three dimensional path into each room. Only in this house there were no doors to knock on, instead large framed entrances that had two long thin stairs leading you up or down to the next room. The first room was the master bedroom, done in biege, the second was done in mauve and the last in cream. I assumed the family before shared the home with children but I wasn’t sure. When I’d asked the realtor repeated her general response.

“I’m sorry, I was just given this estate.”

One thing remained the same throughout the home though, the furniture. The couches, love seats, lamps, beds, dressers, and televisions all sat as if the previous inhabitants never intended to leave. Even the kitchen was stocked with every appliance a person could want. I’d half expected the fridge to be stocked as well but was relieved to find it empty and clean.

“What are we going to do with all this furniture,” I asked myself. We could sell it I was certain. Some of the stuff looked vintage and the couch was leather. The bedroom furniture was also matching and looked equally intricate. One thing was certain, we couldn’t move in our new things until we moved out the old ones.

I finished off my first walk around our new home to turn off the lights and walked to my purse. I opened the flaps to reach inside for my keys when I paused. Didn’t I place my purse on the top of the bench? Why was it hanging from the coat rack? I slowly pulled the purse down and looked behind me. Maybe I was wrong but I could have sworn.

I quickly grabbed my jacket which lay as I’d left it and put it on before hurrying outside to the car. I climbed inside and started to pull out of the drive. I looked to make sure it was clear to back out and quickly glanced at the house. What I saw made me slam on my breaks and the hair on my nape rise and stand on edge.

Each window glowed from within from the lights turned on inside. But I turned off all the lights didn’t I?

That was my first introduction to the possibility something might be wrong with the house on Winchester Avenue, something very very wrong.

Waiting on Baby

The day is here. My sister is in the hospital set to deliver my brand new niece or nephew.

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I'm so excited but equally worried. She went into the hospital last night to be induced and this morning she is thinned out but not dialted. I hope once they get her labor started she will go quickly but I've been told she is already in a great deal of pain.

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I'm very concerned because I just spoke with my Mom and they already gave her an epidural. She is only dialated 1-2. From my understanding, getting an epi that soon, without strong labor and dialation, can result in a c-section. I hope this isn't the case.

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I'll blog more later when I know something.