Acceptance

Right now I'm waging a terrible inner war. The logical side of me is losing out, the pride in me has the slight edge.

So what's the cause of this inner turmoil? Money of course. Money is tight in our house, especially right now. The logical part of me says, "Jaime. You live well. There are people out there struggling far worse than you, living with little to no food, in squalor. There are People who cannot clothe their children or pay the rent."

But then that pride in me says, "why can't you find the extra money to attend the bash? Do you want everyone at your daughter's school to think you don't care? You know people will notice you aren't there. Can you just go and bid on one thing? You really want that class quilt they made. You might not win it but you could try!"

And on the battle continues. I keep telling myself over and over most people who have children in this establishment are in a higher economical class than we. They have very lucrative employment. Most don't struggle with the little things...like money.

I hate feeling like this. Because I do love the simple things. I love my life, my children, my husband and my home. My children live a good life and don't go without. But still I am surrounded by those that remind me that as far as we've come, it still doesn't compare to others. For example. Arwens class has a quilt that is being auctioned. It has each childs' hand on it with a sea motif. I wish I could at least try to win it. But I know to have any shot at winning it, we'd end up having to get a small loan. We're bidding against people that have oodles of money. I won't be shocked to see it go in the thousands of dollars.

This bash thing they are holding, in my opinion, is insulting to some parents who are on a tight budget. They need to send out one flier or invitation and leave it alone. Let people RSVP and then send out all the letters each day with new items for auction, new people to honor and advertising what a "romantic night out" it can be for a couple to share.

Maybe I'm being bitter. I need a dose of real world, to help me see just how stupid this is, how petty. But I am human and it's human to want. Right? I don't know what's worse. Feeling like this or blogging for the world to see how shallow I am right now.

Public School Thoughts

I am seriously fed up with my daughters private school. As in I'm so angry I could blow.

I answered the phone as it rang for the 20th time this morning. I've been anxious about my sister and I've been getting updates every 10-20 minutes but the number on my ID was someone I didn't know. I answered it and it was from a parent from the private school, wanting (wait for it...) more money.

I wanted to chew her ass. I know they have a ton of money to blow through. I realize that many of them have lucrative jobs and can contribute money for everything. But we cannot. We put our necks on the chopping block just to place Arwen into this school.

I tried as nicely as possible to explain that:

We are on a budget.

We have 4 children.

I am a stay at home Mom.

It was a strain financially just to place Arwen in the academy at all and extra money wasn't something we just had on hand.

But this woman wouldn't take no for an answer. She told me it was tax deductible and would greatly "help the parents". She basically wanted us to either, A. Make a Dinner for two parents to share for a night out or B. Purchase a gift certificate to a local restaurant for them to go out to dinner together.

News flash lady, I can't even get out to a nice dinner with my own husband unless it's our anniversary. Why in the hell am I going to give someone else the money to do it instead? If anyone needs that time alone together it's us!

I finally told her to call back. That I'd have to speak to my husband about our finances first. She said she'd call back tonight but I told her I'd be with my sister, so she said she'd call tomorrow. I hope she does because I've already decided, I'll have Jimbo answer. He'll take care of her.

I think we need to place Arwen into a public school next year. I care alot about her education but I can no longer put up with these rich people. It makes me very uncomfortable. And what kills me is you see children in that school who come from struggling families, even more so than ours. You can see it in the tattered uniforms and book bags. Yet they still ask those parents to donate and they usually do since it's, "For the Church".

It burns my ass, I tell you. If they truly want to do something for others, they need to pay attention to those who have the money to donate and those who don't. Then they can call up Mr. and Mrs. Doctor Smith and get their cash. I'm sure she won't miss out on getting a new pair of shoes. But leave Mr. and Mrs. Average Joe alone.

And I really want to see where all this money they collect goes to. I want to see the books. There is no way possible the money goes into our school and classroom. "How do you know that?" you might wonder? The answer is simple. Because all of things in the classroom have come from US parents. The teachers and principal made sure to nickel and dime us before school started for it all.

I have a feeling it's going toward that big shiny church next door. I told Jimbo before I didn't like the idea of a Catholic private school. Sure I want my daughter to have the best education offered in our area but I don't see how teaching her "Holy Mary" and other prayers qualifies as "quality education".

I'm really open here for some sound advice. Would you place your child in public school? What would you do here? If it weren't for the constant asking for money I might not mind so much. The teacher issues will be resolved next year (I hear Mrs. B is very tough but the first grade teachers are awesome) so the only problem will be this.

And better yet. If we do keep her there. How would you deal with these calls? The school is VERY smart. They have parents calling parents. It's much easier to get ugly to a solicitor or to throw away mail but you try blowing off a parent on the other end of the phone.

I'm all ears.

Spoiled

So, I was over at Littlesunshine's blog and she had THIS entry. It reminded me of something that happened when I was getting my hair done Friday.

As I sat waiting for the color in my hair to develop a girl walked in. Nothing was particularly different about her, but I could sense in the way she carried herself she was bitchy. She interrupted my stylist (who was talking to me) and said she needed her eyebrows done. So off Niki went with the girl.

When they came out the girls eyes were RED. It was scary. But in an effort to be nice and strike up a conversation with Niki I said:

"I've never had my eyebrows done, I really should some day."

The girl looked at me and if looks could kill, I'd be 6 feet under right now. She dug through her pockets and paid and out the door she went. No thank you to Niki or see you again, nada. Niki watched as she walked to her car, a brand new Mercedes.

"She's driving a Mercedes now??" Niki seemed shocked.

"It's probably not hers," the other stylist (I don't' know her name) said.

Niki shook her head so I asked, what's the deal?

Apparently this girl is very spoiled. So much so that all of the salons in our area know her and dislike her. This of course doesn't bode well for her, since she is going to school be a stylist (good luck finding a job sister). Once she went to a salon and forked over hundred for extensions. Too bad for her they used synthetic hair and GLUED them into her scalp. She rushed to Niki and demanded she take them out but Niki declined. Telling her to return to the salon who put them in instead.

You know what the girl did when Niki said no? She went outside into the Salon parking lot, called her Mother and proceeded to yell, scream and throw a tantrum. Niki said her Mother then called Niki in an effort to sway her and Niki held her ground. She explained she refused to be liable for any damage caused (I don't blame her for smelling lawsuit with this girl).

All of this got me to thinking about "those" girls. The ones I never spoke to in high school because they were so much better than everyone else. You know who I mean. The ones who always had the nice clothes and purses, the ones who drove the nice cars and the ones who always seemed a mite bitchy all the time.

I've bumped into a few of them since then. Some have changed for the better. I'm guessing gaining weight and having children have brought them down to earth, in a good way. However, I've bumped into a few that are still the exact same. Acting as if they are so much better than myself and I should thank my lucky stars they are even speaking to me.

It's truly funny how I've changed as a person. Because in high school I wanted to be those girls. I wanted the nice clothes, beautiful face and body. I wanted to drive a nice car, have all the cute boys like me and to wear someones class ring. But now I see those girls and I feel sorry for them. Because all they know is material wealth and the happiness they experience from it.

Which reminds me. I've got a great experience I'll write about later. I decided to try shopping at Target this week instead of Hell-Mart. It was very...shocking...to say the least. I'll tell you all about it next time.