Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Susan Boyle - Singer - Britains Got Talent 2009 (With Lyrics)

This gave me goosebumps.

Monday, April 13, 2009

How do you punish this?

I'm livid, furious, angry. I could rip out my hair, scream at the top of my lungs, punch a wall or the nearest tree. Thank god I managed to control myself and only let those volatile emotions come through in the form of screaming.

My 7 year old daughter just decided to climb into the window via the assistance of my curio cabinet. Nestled atop this cabinet are the Windstone Unicorns I've amassed as gifts over the years (for those not familiar with them, the cheapest one is the baby and starts at $60. The others range from $80-150) as well as numerous unicorns, music boxes, and gifts from friends and family.

Of course the curio tipped, it's not meant to be used a climbing device. I was just pulling the crock pot down to prepare a roast for dinner when I heard the crash.
When I arrived to the scene all of the Windstones (minus the baby one) were destroyed. The most treasured in the bunch (pictured above) and my favorite was broken into over a dozen pieces. The things inside didn't fare much better and I had to pull a garbage can from outside and throw away things that are tied to certain events in the past (christmas, an anniversary, a birthday as a child).

The thing is, after I was done railing at my daugther and had begun cleaning up the mess I calmed enough to tell her, "After this I expect a good report from school from you". She responds with, "If I'm good do I get to go to Wal-Mart and get a toy?"

My 7 year old has zero remorse for what she's done and I think the only thing worse than losing these things I adored is the fact that my child seems absolutely oblivious (or uncaring) for what she's done.

I'm open to advice here. What would you do?

Saturday, April 4, 2009


Today went well but was tough.

New ground rules for me have been established, including this one - I can no longer blog about my Mother but have been asked to do so in a private journal.

There are other rules of course, such as working out daily, going to bed at a routine time each night, making a point to spend "quality time" with the children and my husband doing family activities, and most importantly - focusing on the numerous ways to begin removing this taint that has stained my life and slowly drained me of my identity over the last thirty years.

I just wanted to let everyone know I'm okay and I'm hanging in there. I'm just extremely tired - physically and mentally...and emotionally.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

You Just Don't Get It

Today I was rushing around the house frantically, attempting to dress myself and Vincent before his appointment with the Urologist. As I'm running from the living room and up the stairs the phone rings.

It's my Father, with another "message" from my Mother.

She's decided out of the blue that she would like to "eat lunch with Arwen today".

I told my Father no, and he became very uncomfortable, explaining my Mother has it "in her head" to see her "Grandbabies" because she just "loves them" and if I don't allow her to see them she is "taking me to court".

I told my Father to inform my Mother to contact an attorney because I already have (well, kinda!) and that I'd be more than happy to see her in court. I then told him if she doesn't piss off I'm going to file the protection order against her crazy ass.

The appointment to meet with the counselor on Saturday CANNOT get here fast enough. Each time the phone rings now my gut clenches and I feel sick. I can't sleep, can't focus, can't relax.

I have to say, this new found clarity in regard to my Mother is unsettling. For the first time in my life I'm actually "seeing" how manipulative (and narcissistic) she is versus making excuses for her behavior or overlooking it.

Seriously, it's not even been three weeks and she can't even honor my request to leave me alone until I've spoken with someone.

Unstable much - Mom?