*Sigh*

Our A/C is finally finished. The children are upstairs for their naps for the first time in I don't know how long and Annabel and I are just about to head up to join them.

I can't wait to feel cool sheets against my body as I snuggle in. I'll think about the humongous bill tomorrow.

Exhausted...

Annabel is cutting both of her top teeth at the same time. She is uncomfortable and therefore irritable. This means little sleep on her part which means little sleep on mine.

It's 2am and I have not been to bed yet. Tomorrow is going to be a LONG day.

To confound matters the teething is perpetuating Annabel's delicate skin and her eczema is breaking out. Poor baby.

Bed Head

Poor guy. I shouldn't have snapped a picture but he look so cute, even when half awake.

Insomnia Rambling

Warning. What I'm about to blog is extremely graphic. So please read at your own risk. This is about some of the nightmares I experience.

I've had vivid dreams since I was a very young child. I can tell you a few things about my dreams:

I dream in color.

I hear sound.

I can feel, taste and touch.

At times I can force myself to wake, but not always.

I often dream multiple dreams each night.

When I was younger I loved to dream. I had dreams of flight, romance, and of entering into movies or books I loved. I met famous actors in my dreams, performed plays, danced on broadway. But over time the dynamic changed. My dreams became darker, more vivid, more emotional. I began to have dreams of a violent nature. Of course I attributed it directly to the horror movies I watch and love so much.

But after I had my first child the dreams took a terrible turn. First it was the usual dreams of a new Mom. Forgetting my baby in the car seat, suffocation, SIDS, etc. But it got worse (if you can believe dreams can get worse) and it's the reason I'm awake now at 3:48 am.

To give you a tiny idea of what I experience. Tonight my first dream:

I was in an duplex. It was nice place but often cold and the children were cranky. We were showing the condo to sell in an effort to move. Throughout the dream I noticed people didn't speak to us, only to the realtor which was annoying. Through the course of the dream (and our children crying) I finally realized that they didn't speak to us because we were all ghosts. The realtor explained to one couple who kept hearing Annabel crying that the place was haunted by the ghosts of a family who had died in a fire there, from smoke inhalation.

The second dream was of the boys running to a diesel truck with cargo and climbing onto the back. I was running and screaming at the driver to stop as he was driving toward the road leading to the highway. I threw my arms above my head and screamed as loudly as I could. I could see my tiny boys laughing and waving and I could see them falling out and getting hit by an oncoming car. The dream ended with the driver seeing me and me rushing to my sons who I snatched close to me.

The third dream saw me at a house with a huge group of deranged people. At some point a large container was brought out and inside were the heads of previous pets I'd lost due to old age, etc. I know this because I reached inside of the container and pulled one out. Needless to say, that is the dream that woke me and is the reason I'm not too keen on returning back to sleep.

I wish there was some sort of drug that stopped dreaming. I know, I should stop watching horror movies. The truth is, even when I do stop, I still have the nightmares. I can go without anything spooky (books, movies) in return for lighter stuff (romance and comedy) and still have them.

I guess I'm just doomed to have insomnia. Maybe the meds for anxiety I just started will help out. Does anyone else have such morbid nightmares?

Up All Night

I'm so screwed today. Annabel was up until 4:30 this morning, she never went to sleep, meaning neither did I.

I have to get ready this morning to go to Arwen's field day at her school and afterward to the store to get some shopping done. When I finally arrive home I'll have a few hours before it's time to go out to a movie with the hubs (hopefully).

I'd mercifully forgotten how bad it can be when you have sleep issues with your children. I'd been reading Kristin's recent battle and now I totally relate. It took it recurring in my own life to remember just how cranky I become when deprived of at least 4 hours of rest per night.

Kristin, I feel your pain. Hopefully we'll both get some rest soon (before we kill someone!)

Pointers into Sitters

I hope Annabel begins to accept food soon, she's still exclusive on the breast and since she's now 8 months old, it's getting tough. Let me share a story with you.

My nippie was on fire! I looked down at Annabel nursing and tried not to wince. "Any moment now she'll be done," I kept telling myself. As she finished my shoulders sagged in relief. I looked up to see Jimbo holding another baby.

"You forgot to feed her too," he says. He holds the baby out toward me...

Suddenly I wake up. The pain is still in my poor tired boob because Annabel is firmly latched on. It's 1:30 am and not only is my boob sore but my head is pounding. She cries when I take her off so I rotate her to the other side. She nestles in and proceeds to nurse for another 30 minutes.

When I can't hold off any longer I unlatch her and hurry downstairs to take something for my head, meanwhile she begins to throw a tantrum and scream bloody murder. I take the medicine and hurry back to the bed. She roots around until I offer up the breast and again she snuggles in to her personal smorgasbord.

My girls are not going to survive another child. God bless them. They used to be a source of great pride. Both were perky and many a person lavished attention on them (from afar people, these gals lived by the "look but don't touch" motto! Gheesh!). But those glory days are long since gone. Today those girls have a job to do, no more fun and games.

What I'm about to say to you all is tacky as hell but it makes me laugh so hard. It's from a song I love from Rusty McHugh who plays live in Florabama (I love those CD's, so does my Dad, he gave me my first copy. We're redneck like that). You can hear a snippet HERE. (THIS one is great too, just had to share, it's my favorite I think.)

One too many litters turned those pointers into sitters.

Shit.

Late Night

After taking Vincent to the doctor for a terrible cough I came home. I felt exhausted and after fighting it for an hour decided to cave in. I told Jimbo I needed to lay down and went to bed at 7pm.

Fast forward to 2am. I wake with a horrible migraine. I get up, take meds for it and return to bed. No go. While the headache is bearable now I still can't sleep. It's so frustrating because I haven't had a steady sleep schedule in probably 2 years. And as I get older it wears on me more and more.

I noticed the other day when applying my make-up that I have pretty distinct wrinkles forming under my eyes. I suppose it's not the just inner part of me that's tired, the outer part is starting to show signs as well.

I have to do something about this or I'm bound to collapse. I suppose if I could return to a solid work out schedule it would help immensely. I always slept solid if I worked out during the day.

Going back to bed

The kids are on the way to school and Annabel is asleep in bed. After yesterday I deserve to relax and am off to join her.

I'll blog later on if I get the chance.