Saturday, May 10, 2008

Insomnia Rambling

Warning. What I'm about to blog is extremely graphic. So please read at your own risk. This is about some of the nightmares I experience.

I've had vivid dreams since I was a very young child. I can tell you a few things about my dreams:

I dream in color.

I hear sound.

I can feel, taste and touch.

At times I can force myself to wake, but not always.

I often dream multiple dreams each night.

When I was younger I loved to dream. I had dreams of flight, romance, and of entering into movies or books I loved. I met famous actors in my dreams, performed plays, danced on broadway. But over time the dynamic changed. My dreams became darker, more vivid, more emotional. I began to have dreams of a violent nature. Of course I attributed it directly to the horror movies I watch and love so much.

But after I had my first child the dreams took a terrible turn. First it was the usual dreams of a new Mom. Forgetting my baby in the car seat, suffocation, SIDS, etc. But it got worse (if you can believe dreams can get worse) and it's the reason I'm awake now at 3:48 am.

To give you a tiny idea of what I experience. Tonight my first dream:

I was in an duplex. It was nice place but often cold and the children were cranky. We were showing the condo to sell in an effort to move. Throughout the dream I noticed people didn't speak to us, only to the realtor which was annoying. Through the course of the dream (and our children crying) I finally realized that they didn't speak to us because we were all ghosts. The realtor explained to one couple who kept hearing Annabel crying that the place was haunted by the ghosts of a family who had died in a fire there, from smoke inhalation.

The second dream was of the boys running to a diesel truck with cargo and climbing onto the back. I was running and screaming at the driver to stop as he was driving toward the road leading to the highway. I threw my arms above my head and screamed as loudly as I could. I could see my tiny boys laughing and waving and I could see them falling out and getting hit by an oncoming car. The dream ended with the driver seeing me and me rushing to my sons who I snatched close to me.

The third dream saw me at a house with a huge group of deranged people. At some point a large container was brought out and inside were the heads of previous pets I'd lost due to old age, etc. I know this because I reached inside of the container and pulled one out. Needless to say, that is the dream that woke me and is the reason I'm not too keen on returning back to sleep.

I wish there was some sort of drug that stopped dreaming. I know, I should stop watching horror movies. The truth is, even when I do stop, I still have the nightmares. I can go without anything spooky (books, movies) in return for lighter stuff (romance and comedy) and still have them.

I guess I'm just doomed to have insomnia. Maybe the meds for anxiety I just started will help out. Does anyone else have such morbid nightmares?


Lawfrog said...

I have odd dreams sometimes so I can relate a bit. I also dream in color and have sometimes had lucid dreams where I know I'm dreaming. When I have those, there are some things I can control in the dream, which is interesting.

Your nightmares seem to revolve around harm done to your family and/or your kids. Your dream about previous pets fits the theme since we often treat pets as our "babies."

Are you fearful of harm coming to your family right now? We all fear that generally, but is there something particularly making you feel this way right now?

Sometimes, finding the source of the anxiety that prompts the nightmares can help stop them.

Lawfrog said...

P.S. - there is a drug that can be used to help with nightmares. It's called Prazosin. Generally prescribed for high blood pressure, it is also used for people suffering nightmares due to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I don't know if doctors will prescribe it for general nightmares not due to PTSD, but it can't hurt to ask.

Jaime said...

Hey Lawfrog ;)

I have to say, you are the most receptive person, which is wonderful. Because I never put it together really (the pets like babies and harm to my family).

You're right, that is a common theme. I'm constantly worried about my family and something happening. I don't know why, I suppose I'm overprotective from my own upbringing (my Mom loved to harp on the "you never know what could happen tomorrow").

I'll definitely ask about that drug. I'm hopeful that the Lexapro I just started on will also relieve this anxiety which in turn will help with the dreams.

Your comments always make me feel so much better, thank you.