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Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Yakety Yack, Don't Talk Back

Arwen is admittedly a 'hard' child. She's very smart and because of that she's stubborn, willful and extremely independent. She challenges boundaries each day and constantly pushes to see just how far she can go before the shit hits the fan.

As her Mother, I know exactly how trying it can be when she's at her worst. But the one thing she does that drives me absolutely ape shit batty is her back talk. Here's a snippet of what it's like:

"Arwen, move and let Vincent kiss Annabel good-bye."

"NO! HE MOVED OVER ON MY SPOT AND I WAS HERE FIRST!"

"Arwen, move I said, let Vincent kiss her good-bye before the bus gets here!" Vincent starts to cry as he just wants to kiss his baby sister, which peaks my annoyance.

"NOOOO," she starts.

"ARWEN! I SAID..."

"NOOO! I WAS HERE FIRST! HE..." she starts in again before a mini meltdown occurs in which she is then forceably moved by her Father so our son can kiss the baby.

This is a common thing. Whenever she gets into trouble and I try to tell her what she's done wrong, she interjects, interrupts or stops me midsentence. When I was a kid I'd have gotten slapped in the mouth (and I did, I remember, I stopped talking back after that) if I spoke back to my Mom like that.

I informed Arwen that starting today there will be no more talking back or speaking over others. She has to begin to learn some control. I realize she is only 6 but at 6 she should have a better handle on her emotions to an extent. I can't let this power struggle continue for her sake. There has to be a defined line so in the future there is no miscommunication when she steps over it.

Girls are so much harder than boys.

3 comments:

littlesunshine said...

I know this scenario all too well. And I totally agree... girls ARE so much harder than boys!

Katherine said...

We know all about the backtalk!!

The best punishment that works for us is for Aurora to stand with her nose in a corner. We tried Timeouts, then her room got too interesting, so we moved to sitting at the stop of the stairs (removed from action, but still able to see it), to standing in the corner at the bottom of the stairs.

Her timeout time's 7 minutes (one per year) and every time she argues or back talks she gets a minute added on. Her average timeout is 9 minutes.

Our biggest problem is since she spends a week with us and then a week with her mom, we get her calmed down and minimized the backtalk by like Wednesday, and then Friday's when her mom picks her up. When we get her back the next week, it's starting over.

What I do, is not allow Aurora to argue back.

"Aurora, move and let Vincent kiss Annabel good-bye."

"NO! HE MOVED OVER ON MY SPOT AND I WAS HERE FIRST!"

"Aurora, right now it doesn't matter who was there first. I told you to move, and you need to do it"

"But-- (which quite honestly comes in the middle of the last statement)"

"No buts. Do what you're told or you go stand in the corner. NOW."

I've come to the conclusion that for now, we have to be the stern parents that don't let her get a word in edgewise, unless she's not being disciplined. I'm ok with that for now. I don't like being the big meanie, but it's better for all of us than arguing!

Erin said...

I feel your pain...and Hailey is only 2.