Trouble

I'm in trouble and it's of my own doing. Back when Jimbo and I started our family he made one thing very clear.

NO children in our bed.

I had Arwen in the bed a few times but Logan and Vincent never got the chance. I'd get up, nurse them and back to their own bassinet or crib for them. It was a nice arrangement. They transitioned into their own rooms (at 18 months) very well and with little stress.

But as with many things, I am just different with Annabel. She's been sleeping with me since she was born. We bought the little bassinet that attaches to the side of the bed you can use (pictured above) and I did use it for a time but I'd find her in the bed with me more often than not. I figured I'd stop at some point but now I'm beginning to realize I don't want to stop and this could lead to problems down the road.

One day Annabel will have to transition to her own bed. Our bed isn't large and I don't really want to replace it (it's an antique sled bed, gorgeous really but only a full size). Plus Annabel is going to be sharing a room with Arwen when she gets older. I don't want to make too many changes too quickly and upset or stress her and I have Arwen to consider as well.

To his credit, Jimbo hasn't said a word about it. Although I know he isn't too happy about her sleeping with us. He's kept his promise not to say anything in regard to how clingy I am with her since she is the last child we'll have (at least from my loins, so to speak). I have however seen his little eye rolls or 'looks' before bedtime. So I know what he's thinking, even if he's not saying it verbally. He can't get his nook-nook on and he can't hog the bed anymore. Don't you just feel so damned sorry for him?

I'm torn. I want to cherish everything with Annabel. What started as her sleeping with me out of fear (for some misguided reason I always felt I could protect her in sleep, I'm terrified of SIDS) has turned into sleeping with her for comfort. I love having her nested beside me, our faces turned toward one another, her soft breaths caressing my face.

I think I will begin first on trying to get her to accept either food or at the least expressed milk in a bottle. I can't push too many changes on her at once and right now the breast is on tap during the night. One things for sure, this is going to be hard. Not just for her but for me as well.