Saturday, March 22, 2008

Momma Drama

I'm about to make an entry on a subject that seems to continuously appear on my blog. For those of you who are tired of hearing about my Momma drama, please skip over this.

As you may recall from a previous entry, Beware the Ides of March, my Mother and I are having some issues and have been for a very long time. After our heated discussion I decided we would go over for a short time on Easter in the morning. After all, we are going to Jim's family and I do want to be fair (even if making the trip really puts us out).

Tonight after the kids were settled I decided to sneak in a nap. I nestled with Annabel upstairs when the phone rang. No big I figured, until I heard the caller ID. It was my Mom. I heard the answering machine click over and I just let it. I was tired and Annabel was nearly asleep. Then I heard my cell phone going off. Again, it was her (why she does that is beyond me, if I don't answer the home phone why would I answer my cell???) and again I didn't pick it up.

When I woke an hour or so later I came downstairs and Jimbo looked rather peeved (which admittedly is odd for him, sure he's a pain in the kitchen but more often than not he's passive). It appears my Mom called yet again and he picked up. Every time in the past this has happened my Mother has asked for me, told him to tell me to call her and hung up. But not today. Nope. Today she was all kisses and, "the kids are going to have soooooo much fun! I bought this and that and blah blah blah", all because she is getting her way.

"It's pisses me off so bad," he said. "She treats me like shit every time she calls. No 'how are you' or 'thank you' just, 'is Jaime there, well tell her I called, click' it's insulting. Not to mention all the times she's called and when she hears me she hangs up. What the fuck does she think, I can't read the caller ID? That I don't know it's her hanging up on me?"

And the truth is, he has every right to be angry. My Mother has crapped on him and although I do not allow it or condone it (and she knows it too), she is still a bitch to him. I still remember after giving birth to Logan, Jimbo was in the hospital room with me when Mom called. She asked to speak with me and I was asleep, which Jimbo told her.

"Little shit," she said as she hung up the phone. He never forgot that and neither have I. When I brought it up she tried to downplay it or changes the subject.

I know several of you fellow bloggers have suggested I cut her out of my life or just simply say no. (I truly appreciate the comments and support from you all) Trust me when I say I'd love to do both of these things and I've tried them out.

First I cut her out as much as I could. Problem is my daughter adores her (believe it or not, as a testament to my truth, my boys have never stayed the night with my Mother) and the longer she goes without seeing her, the more she craves it. I don't wish to punish Arwen for my Mothers faults. (even if my dear sweet daughter returns home acting like a brat and fool for a good week after a trip to her "Grannies")

Then I tried telling her "NO". This worked for a very short period of time because she would call and put on that act. And it all lies within me but I allow her to guilt trip me. I try to stop it but years of conditioning are working against me.

When you add all the shit she has put me through it also causes tension for Jimbo. He loves me and when he sees me upset or crying (which I never do) he is livid. And he knows she is the only person who can upset me so much, and just the fact that SHE knows it and continues to do it. Let's just say it pisses him off something fierce.

It's hard having a manipulative person as your Mother. I'm pretty sure she acts as she does because of tons of insecurity. I've always known she put on a show for others. She always has to be the center of anything. Even in times of crisis. As terrible as it is for me to admit it, my Mom thrives off of drama. It seems to bring out the best and worst in her.

I don't know what we are going to do after this year. I want to be fair but she isn't being fair and for those you might say, "tell her she can come visit your house", I have tried, believe me. I've asked her and my Dad over time and again and they've come out a handful of times. They tell us, "it's such a long trip, it's too hard to come out there". I guess packing 4 children up and taking them there is easy.

I told Jimbo today that it's like this. I feel as if she places this huge weight upon my shoulders and makes me bear it. Then each time she calls it's a reminder of that weight and of the burden imposed upon me by her. And it makes me absolutely resent the hell out of her.

She just doesn't get it and to prove my point I'll end this entry with a comment she made to Jimbo that had steam coming out of his ears.

"11 o'clock will come so early tomorrow."

HELLO. We get up at 6-7am here to care for our children. You think 11am is coming early?

Wake the hell up Mother. Please.


Lawfrog said...

No unsolicited advice from me (this time, LOL!), just wanted to say hang in there and hope you have a good Easter.

Oh, ok one piece of unsolicited advice: Read "Toxic Parents" by Dr. Susan Forward.

Kristin said...

I'll second the book. It's a really good one.

Other than that, I know it sucks & I hope something changes for you soon. It's not a nice position to be in.