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Thursday, March 13, 2008

I AM THE MOTHER

Today when my Mom called I was a bit frazzled. I'd forgotten tomorrow was kite day at school (I didn't even know it was kite month to be honest!) and Arwen doesn't have one. I was planning on running to the store with her when Mom said she had a brand new extra one in the trunk Arwen could have. I quickly accepted and thanked her, but my happiness was very short lived.

"Are they letting parents come fly kites with the kids tomorrow? Because I'd love to pick up Mac Donalds (I know it's Mc, she says Mac) for lunch and go do kite day with her."

I sit in silence for a moment, counting backwards from 10.

"I don't think parents are going Mom, there wasn't an invitation sent to us."

"That's why I don't like that school, it's weird!" I hear the anger in her voice as she tells me good-bye and hangs up the phone.

Since when did Grandparents start expecting to do things with children that is meant for parents? I'm quite sure my Grandmother didn't ask to take me to kite day when I was a kid. Back then it was the accepted practice that events for parents would be attended by...oh I don't know...parents?!?

My Mother has been trying to act like the 'parent' to all of her grandchildren since birth. She expects to be able to attend the functions that I want to attend and god forbid I say, "I was going to do that Mom," or "I've always figured I'd be the first person to eat lunch with my own children at school, not someone else".

Does anyone else deal with this kind of shit? It's beyond annoying and really has the power to make my day go from sunny to suck in 3.5 seconds.

I AM THE MOTHER Damn it!

**edited to add, parents are welcome, I'm trying to find a sitter for the boys so I can go.

6 comments:

JAMIE said...

I completley agree. I have a set of in-laws who I have to constantly remind the are not the parents. How dare I say "no" to my lil' one sleeping over, or not to invite them to a school/sporting function. I even have people come up and tell friends of mine how cute the inlaws lil' one is and she politley reminds them, that I am the mom. It pisses me off to no end.
I am mom...hear me ROAR!

Lawfrog said...

I don't have children, but I do see this phenomenon often. Usually with grandmothers. In fact, there is a grandmother in my family who seems to feel she can do a better job of parenting than the parents. She practically jumped out of her skin when one of the grandkids was sick and crying (she was maybe 6 months old) and the father of the baby was holding her comforting her. What an outrage that the father would comfort his own child.

littlesunshine said...

My in-laws are like this with my nephews... thankfully they aren't with my kids (yet). I think they know they'd get told (at least that's what I'm hoping). LOL

I watch them with my SIL and I feel so bad for her. They get mad at her when she doesn't let them know when their hockey games are etc. It's too much stress!

Have fun at kite day! You should ask your mom to look after the boys so you can go! LOL... ;)

Katherine said...

I second the asking your mom to babysit comment! :)

My stepdaughter's mom's mom is like that. Thankfully, I don't really have to deal with it, and for some of the school events it's not a big deal, as with both of us and her mom working full time, we can't make it to the little things like kite day!

Maybe Tim or my parents would be more like that, but we live an hour from my parents, and two from his. (Space issues had a LOT to do with it!) It's the best because we can see them as often as we like without seeing them as often as they might like!

Jaime said...

Hey Everyone,

Littlesunshine and Katherine. That is the worst part of everything. I know exactly what would happen if I asked. My Mom would say no, she doesn't have the time to take off work.

When I was ill she called and I told her Jim had no time left over to take off and I couldn't care for the children and I didn't know what I was going to do. She NEVER offered to come help, so Jim's Mom had to take off work.

It was the same with my pregnancy, she never had anytime to take UNLESS she could go to an ultrasound with me or a doctors appointment. She only takes time off (or says she can) when it's something she chooses or wants to do.

It's an on going battle with her and is the reason for a lot of the tension between us.

Kristin said...

I know I'm a little late to the game on this since I'm just getting back into the swing of things - but you know how your mom & my MIL are very similar. I think your mom pulls more because she's your mom & can probably get away with more than my MIL.

I would just let her act as she does & do whatever you want to do in your life, not worrying about how she's going to respond. She clearly doesn't think about how things make you feel & I would give her the same courtesy (but I'm mean like that).