Breastfeeding Stigma

I've started and deleted entries about this issue. I'm not sure why exactly. Perhaps it is because I didn't think it was warranted enough, or better yet because I do not like offending other Mother's who choose to raise their children differently than I have my own. But I've decided the time has come to voice my feelings about breastfeeding.

To all you formula feeding Moms out there. I in no way believe you are doing less for your children simply because you do not nurse. I think each person chooses what is best in the long term for themselves. However...

I'm so tired of the negative remarks made toward breastfeeding women. For example, god forbid a nursing Mother mention she is nursing to give her child the best food for them or to give them the best start in life. That is a huge NO NO. Sure it might be true but you run the risk of pissing off other Mothers who have nothing to do with your choice.

I've also heard the way breastfeeding has been twisted into a perverse thing. Some women have actually asked me if it "feels good" or "if it feels like a man sucking on your breast". To these people I responded "you are sick." And they are. No, it doesn't feel sexual or erotic. It feels warm and loving because I am providing nourishment for my child.

If I may, I'd like to tell you what I witnessed this on Thanksgiving. My cousins baby who is two weeks older than Annabel was there. They began asking questions about myself, how I lost all the baby weight and finally about nursing.

"How much does she weigh? How long are you going to do that for? Don't you feed her other food too? Aren't you afraid she isn't getting enough? Do you give her a pacifier? Isn't it embarrassing? Do you feed her in public?" etc etc.

Or

"I could never do that. It feels too weird."

"I tried but she wasn't getting enough."

"It hurt too bad."

"I carried the baby for 9 months, I want my body back."

"He helped me, he can get out of bed to help feed the baby. It's not my job!"

"I tried but the first time she latched on I did this," holds arms as far away from her as possible while mimicking holding her baby. "I said get me a bottle NOW."

As I heard these things I was polite. And I kept my mouth shut. I knew that if I said anything the tables would suddenly be reversed. I've been there before. Had I said anything positive about nursing, other than the questions directed to me, someone was liable to get offended. I did however answer how much Annabel weighs and got, "wow!" due to the fact that while nursed, Annabel outweighed their own daughter (who is two weeks older). They did everything short of calling me a liar. Even going so far as to say, "are you sure? she looks smaller than Kaylia!"

Then it was time to feed our babies. I retreated to a quiet room alone while she went into the living room. When we finished I returned to the group and we sat talking. Around 15 minutes later her baby became very fussy. Immediately she pulled the bottle back out and started shoving it at the baby. The baby cried harder and rotated between shoving the bottle away and taking it. I watched on as the baby began wailing and screaming. I noticed spit up dribbling down her tiny chin. After a few more minutes I couldn't stand it any longer and handed Annabel to Jim.

"May I please? I promise if I can't calm her I will hand her back." I reached out my hands, hoping she would give me the chance to try and comfort the baby.

She graciously handed her to me and I began firmly burping her while also holding her tight to my chest. She was still spitting up (I have a huge stain on my shirt to prove it) and finally a large "BUUUURRRP" escaped from her mouth. The milk smelled sour, so I was pretty sure it was older milk, possibly. Still even after the burp she only calmed for a short time and returned to screaming.

I'll have you know that baby cried for over 45 minutes, only stopping from time to time. They had her dressed in a satin/silk dress with stockings. I asked if they had a nice comfie cotton jammie to place her in. I was certain the tight hose were uncomfortable. When they said they didn't I offered them the one I'd packed as an extra for Annabel. Initially they accepted but when I went into the living room a few minutes later the outfit still sat. They decided against it because "she seems calmer now." I felt so badly for the baby but picked up the soft piece of clothing and put it away.

When we left Jimbo turned to me and said, "I'm so glad you decided to nurse all of our children, that poor baby broke my heart."

I nodded and said I wasn't sure but I thought it was the formula causing an upset tummy and Jimbo confirmed this. Apparently he overheard my cousin and his wife talking about the newest formula they were trying her on. The poor thing is always colicky and fussy. He said he was very shocked to hear the babies Mother say she couldn't wait to return to work after the long weekend.

So yes, I'm glad I nurse. I'm grateful I didn't have to deal with things like colic or switching formulas to find just the right one. And I'm not ashamed of it. Here are some of the reasons I nurse my child.

*****

No bottles. I don't have to worry about heating a midnight bottle. All I have to do is reach into the bassinet and bring the baby into the bed to nurse. After I'm finished she can return to her bed. And if you're especially sleepy, you can do the side lying nursing position and you both can rest.

It's healthy. Your baby benefits so much. Your milk is easily digestible to him/her.

No smelly diapers! Breastfeeding babies don't have that smelly poo you think they do. In fact it reminds me of buttered popcorn (sorry if that was too visual).

Losing weight! Annabel is 4 months old and I weigh less than I did when I found out I was pregnant. While this much weight loss isn't the norm (I lost it this fast with Logan too but not with Arwen or Vince) you will lose more calories by nursing.

It's convenient. You don't have to worry about packing bottles when leaving the house. Your food is right there for your baby.

You save money. No expensive formula here. We did the math and by nursing all my children we've saved thousands of dollars.

The bond. A Mother can experience such a bond while nursing. I truly can say I will admit to missing this one aspect as my children grow.

*****

There are more but these are the major reasons I nurse. I wouldn't trade it for the world.
And as for my cousin and his baby girl. I called and she's still fussy. My heart breaks for her. They are trying yet another formula and may have to switch to Nutramigen LIPIL. They are trying to find other alternatives however because the cost is high for that particular type of formula. I hope they are able to ease Kaylias discomfort soon.

**That gorgeous photo is of Lucy Lawless of Xena fame and her child.