Today I was thinking about my childhood and then Jolene Sugarbaker, the trailer park Queen.
I lived in a park for many years. Mom and Dad were struggling to make ends meet and forge a career for themselves (which they both have, they recently built their own house, which is totally paid for, GO Mom and Dad!).
I have zero regrets and I remember a happy childhood. But today I was thinking of the funny things about trailer parks and wanted to share just a few that popped into mind.
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Dumpster divers aka garbage diggers aka trash hounds. They will dig through your trash but usually are discreet and only do so if you place what might be considered "treasure" to them. Placing any large piece of furniture outside near the trash can and will illicit a visit.
There is always, without fail, a cat woman aka "The Cat Lady". This woman will horde all the stray cats she can get her hands on. These cats live both outside and inside her home. You can always tell when you near such a home because the porch, front yard, or car will be covered in lounging cats.
There is always, without fail, a dog person aka "The Mountain Woman". This person hordes dogs but not to the extent of the Cat Lady. She is generally more burley in stature and sports plaid flannel shirts.
Usually she has 4-8 smaller dogs inside and 4-8 large german shepard mixes outside. Some of the outside dogs will be chained to stakes in the ground, near doghouses. You can tell when you are near her home (if the dogs barking widly doesn't tip you off first) when you see a fenced in trailer but the dogs are chained inside the fence. The chain is for safety as these dogs are usually "biters" and she's been threatened or sued before.
You will always see at least one car on concrete blocks on the road. Most of these cars will sit for months like this. The "wash me please!" written in children's handwriting on the bumper or back windshield attest to this truth.
If you live in a trailer park, at some point, you will be asked for sugar, eggs, bread, ketchup or any other such items. It's called communal living.
There is always a gossip queen. She can tell you who is having affairs, who is on welfare and who is pregnant again. She's kind of hard to pinpoint at first but after she's stabbed you in the back you'll never forget her.
There is always the thieving child. We had several where I grew up. They will steal dolls, cars, bikes, you name it. And the worst part? They deny stealing it, even if your name is clearly marked over with permanent marker.
You will always see some, if not all children, sporting some sort of mullet. And if they don't have a mullet they did have one at some point prior.
They might not have a will or a retirement savings. But you can bet their double-wide, they have a tornado escape/safety route planned.
There is also "true trash". These are the people that really give trailer park living a bad name. They do stupid things like:
Put garbage atop their trailers because they "couldn't afford the trash bill".
Secretly hook their water hose to your faucet outdoors so they can avoid paying the water bill to wash their hooptie ride.
Have a path of junk and trash that forms a path to their doorstep and a sign on the door that reads, "Screw the dog, beware of owner!" with a picture of a very large handgun.
Have added onto their home with plywood or better yet, have made a porch with all the spare wood and plywood they could find, thus upping their trashiness level.
Keep all cars, even if they don't run. These are the people that also love to chain their dogs up to the tires and then say "the dog's fine, it can crawl under that there car."
And lastly, the one cardinal rule for the true trailer park trash lifestyle. . .
You absolutely have to steal your cable. I can't tell you how many times our cable box got checked because someone had tapped into our line.
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I'll also add, just for clarification. There are actually clean and decent trailer parks and really really slummy ones. I should drive to a few and take some pictures. Redneckville is a haven of the trailer park lifestyle, both good and bad!
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