Tired of being Sick and Tired

I'm sick. I've finally accepted that something is wrong and I need to seek out different medical advice. Here is what is going on (Spook, Rae, anyone, help!)

#1. Ok, the last month or so, I've had the worst case of fatigue. I'm talking I get so tired I'll go up to bed and sleep all day. It just will not go away. I'm on B12 shots monthly but I experienced something similar before with my hyperthyroid, maybe this is the cause.

#2. I have "warmth" in my abdomen, sometimes so hot it feels like burning. This is accompanied by nausea. If I eat within minutes I feel sick. It's gotten so bad I have to force myself to eat crackers to have something in my system (perhaps adding to the fatigue issues). I also have sharp stabbing pains like I experienced with my gallstones. I'm wondering if something isn't going on from the surgery. That bile has to go somewhere right? And to clarify, I also have heartburn. The burning I'm referring to is lower. Sometimes I have both the heartburn and the "warmth".

#3. The migraines. Lord. Help. Me. I can't take it anymore. I see my Neuro in January and that day just can't come quickly enough. I've had a headache everyday for the last 2 weeks, I'm not joking. Sure they aren't 'migraines' each time but an annoying headache still ruins a great day.

#4. My heart. I can't stand the missed beats and stuttering I feel all the time. I was told this was likely due to my thyroid. They performed an EKG in the office and it read normal. However, those results do little to comfort me late at night if it starts up. It's very scary.

#5. My irritable bowel. I was also told the combination of thyroid and gallbladder surgery could cause problems but I can't stand rushing to the toilet 10 minutes after I eat a few saltines. It drives me batty.

Does anyone have any advice on looking for a internal medicine physician? Any things I should take note of or look for? Does any of these symptoms sound vaguely familiar?

I truly want to say, "I'm too young!" but truth us, I'm not. I hit the big 3-0 this year. I'm not a spring chicken. As scary as it is I can't function under the notion I'm just not feeling well but it must be something minor because I'm too young to have anything seriously wrong with me.

My New Year's resolution is to get this under control. I'm just unsure of how to look for a Doctor that will listen. I truly am tired of that as well. Doctors see me and treat me like a child. I want that to change but I just don't know how to go about it.

Stardust

Rent this, buy this, watch this! This is one of the best movies I've seen all year and Jim agrees. I wish I'd seen this in the theatre.

Do yourself a huge favor, give this movie a chance. Your kids will love it too! It's fantasy, romance and adventure. I'm watching it again and then going to buy my own copy.

My Blogs Reading Level

Can you believe it? Raging Server had this up and I had to see what my blog's own reading level is.

Parents Catch Nanny on Tape

THIS is the reason Jimbo and I sacrifice material wealth so I can stay home.

I swear, I wish I could be in a room with this woman. What is wrong with people??? When did people stop loving children? Why do some people get off on inflicting hurts upon those who cannot defend themselves?

We seriously need stricter laws for this sort of thing. Sure, I realize that people are human. We have all lost our tempers. But when you are around children you have to learn control. It is your responsibility as an adult to be an adult.

I hope this woman serves time for this. Seriously makes me sick. It only goes to show that even the most reputable daycare/nanny agencies are not always what they claim to be.

Things Change

I was reading an entry over at REBIRTH and it got me to thinking about how life and opinions change with time.

I didn't get the quad screen with my first child. I swore that no matter what, I'd have her. I'll admit I placed myself on some high pedestal, puffing out my chest like I deserved a medal. Because I was a moral person who would have a child irregardless of circumstance.

Then my Mother in Law told me about Karin. Jimbos baby sister who spent two weeks in this world. A baby girl who is still remembered over 30 years later and is mourned.

I got the screens for each of my other children, only Annabels tested abnormal. Suddenly I was thrown out of the loop. Sometimes making a decision regarding a pregnancy and the possibility of termination isn't as simple as black and white (as much as some would like you to believe). In my case I had 3 children, 1 of which is special needs. So much of my time is focused on caring for him. So I had to consider, is it really fair to them to bring another child into the family that will take all of my time and energy away? Especially if the child suffered from something so severe they may never speak, see, walk, talk or understand what is going on around them?

Luckily, things turned out fine and our family was blessed with the baby girl I'd die for. We did alot of soul searching during that emotional time in our lives. If anything I'm grateful I was pulled down from my high moral horse. I needed a slap to the face to bring me back to reality.

Family Christmas Drama

Ok, so I said I'd let you all in on my Christmas. Here we go.

Christmas Eve was spent here. It really sucks but it had to happen. This is the 2nd time in my entire life I haven't made it to my Grandma's house. It broke my heart and I debated it for days but finally the choice was made. I wasn't going.

Why?

I removed a blog about this a long time ago. But basically, my Father in Law and my Aunt Glo don't like one another. They live in the same neighborhood and at first she got along with him and his friends. But as she is a drunk, a violent one at that, it was short lived. When they blocked her from their little inner circle she became pissed and as she has no job and lives off of rich old geezers (I'm not making this up) she has nothing better to do with her time than to be an evil bitch.

So one day, after many failed attempts to hurt Jim directly, she went indirectly to the one source that would hurt the most. His grandchildren or to put it better, MY children. She emailed DHR (or CPS, whatever it's called where you are) and reported false abuse claims. I was 6 months preggo, waiting for my sitter to arrive to attend Logans IEP meeting, when the doorbell rang. I opened it and greeted the young woman at the door. When I was told she was from DHR, investigating a report of abuse, I was shocked.

I had to answer all sorts of questions. I was told that I supposedly did all sorts of things, ranging from locking my children in their rooms, to Jimbo having a violent temper and almost dislocating Arwens shoulder in a fit of rage. I did have one huge ace in my pocket however. I have Early Intervention in my home each and every week. I got on the phone to them pronto.

Thank god, the case was dropped within days. All of my Early Intervention contacts contacted the DHR caseworker. As I was reported to abuse drugs, I had to submit my doctors records to prove I had gallstones at the time and was prescribed Meperghen Fortis (just imagine how embarrassed I was, 6 months pregnant, signing over my medical to prove I wasn't a druggie).

So anyhow, this happened months ago but I'm still angry about it. Wouldn't you be? My Aunt refuses to admit she did this but I'm pretty sure it was her. After all, she was the one that got drunk one night and began screaming on the CB radio she keeps that I was a huge whore and all of my children had different fathers. After this the police were called and a report was filed (DHR had this to look up as well and they did, another reason the report was dropped).

Now, my beloved Grandma knows nothing about any of this situation. She is 70 years old and I would never place this on her shoulders. Through the years she has been burdened enough with Glo. My Grandma has watched as her daughter has been placed in jail, charged over and over with DUI's, placed in jail for fighting, public drunkeness, etc. If it has to do with drinking, Glo has been charged with it.

So I called her and told her that due to Annabel's runny nose, we wouldn't be coming out this year. Instead I told her we would come out the first of January to have a visit, just her and the kids. I feel a bit bad about it because I never know what Christmas will be my last shared with her. I love her so very much. But I don't need or want to be around Glo, period. I'm usually very low key and easy going but I'll admit I have a fire in my ass that wants me to just take her down a few notches. I can't promise myself I wouldn't punch her in the face, as un-adult as that is.

Christmas day was great, little to no drama the entire day (I can't believe it!) and so far we've just enjoyed our vacation time together (Jimbo is off work for the week).

When remakes Attack

I wanted to see this in theatres but didn't. So when this came out on DVD I just 'had' to see it. We made some nachos, popped in the movie and sat back to enjoy...well, we intended to enjoy anyway.

This is, in my opinion, one of the worst remakes made. I'm a fan of Rob Zombie and his music but as a director I'm unsure. I enjoyed House of 1000 Corpses somewhat, thought that The Devils Rejects was worth a watch, but Halloween just didn't work for me.

The problem is partially Zombies' need to have that 'shock' value. He always pushes boundaries to get that "oh my god" reaction. In one scene he depicts a girl in the jail/mental ward being raped in Michaels room by two employees. It's violent and raw and honestly so out of place in the movie. It also doesn't help that Zombie has a hard on (no pun intended) for his wife, Sherri Moon Zombie, and places her in all of his features (poor girl just can't act).

Overall the movie is very slow, very boring and just not that great. I almost gave up and didn't watch the last 30 minutes. If you're looking for a great T&A film, this one might work for you. But if you want a true horror film, stick with the original.

Photos...the Good and the Bad

Christmas was the first time my daughter has ever seen many of her family. Including my Grandfather. I enjoyed seeing them together. In fact, Papaw held Annabel almost 90% of the time we were there.

Everyone seemed to have fun. Even my poor Sis who is due in January (she is pictured with Arwen, doesn't she look awesome to be 9 months pregnant!?!).

And what would christmas be without one of 'those' pictures. You know, the ones where someone just looks 'arrrgggh, arrggghh' (cue zombie sounds). I'm only sharing it because she will never read this blog (err I hope anyway!). The young man sporting the red cowboy hat is my cousin.

Surprise!!!

We'd all sat back and relaxed and pulled out the cookies at Jimbo's parents when suddenly Mom said, "Jaime I think you forgot something." I looked up and a huge box sat on the couch. I thought I knew what it was but I didn't dare say it. I tore open the wrapping and there it was. The kitchen aid mixer I've been wanting for so long.

She sits proudly in my kitchen. I'm so lucky, happy and excited to finally have one of these. It will make baking so much easier.

Thanks Mom!

Christmas Morning Joy

I wanted to share a few quick photos I took. I was so excited to see Arwen with her Butterscotch Pony , whom she has proudly named "Butterscotch Valentine" in honor of the future real horse of her dreams (who will be named Valentine as well). She hasn't left her side since 7am this morning. Just look at that smile. It was the first pic I snapped and while not the best of her still truly captures her happiness.

The boys are equally excited by all the new cars, blocks and trains. Meanwhile Annabel is snoozing away in bed. Her first Christmas spent dreaming.

Merry Christmas!!!!!!!

Merry Christmas

While Christmas is officially not here yet, I wanted to take a moment and wish everyone one as I'm not sure when I'll get to sit at this screen again.

For everyone, I hope you have a holiday that fills you with joy and happiness. Please take a moment to think of those who might be a bit sad this year. Be it because a family member is away serving our country (you are in my thoughts ERnursey) or because someone is no longer with us(Susan and family, as always, you are in my heart).

Merry Christmas, with all my love.

Family Christmas, Pt. 1

To put it as nice as possible...it was...interesting. I'll fill you in later. But until then here are some pictures of when things went ok. Please note Arwen in the background of the last photo.

Mamma Drama..Grrr!!

So I'm dealing with yet more drama with my Mom. Here is the stitch.

I get a call from her asking what our plans were Christmas morning. I tell her the usual. She asks if Jims family is coming over. I tell her no, then she says that she and my family won't have my niece this year as she is going to her Daddy's and they want to come over that morning.

"Is that ok?" she asks.

"Uhhh, I guess, what time? Maybe 8 or 9?"

"No, we want to be there for them opening Santa's stuff," she says.

"Uhhhh, well, I'd really have to talk to Jimbo Mom, that's kinda our time with the kids."

"Well, I'd only want to come for that, the best part is seeing them open all of their presents Christmas morning."

Grrr. What in the hell do I say? If I say no then I'm the awful bitch daughter. But if I say yes I allow the door to open to allowing Jimbos family, my family, whoever to start doing our christmas mornings with us all. When did Christmas morning stop being about Mom's, Dad's and their children?

I told her I had to talk to Jimbo and as usual she got all sad and hurt with me. Acting as if I'd broken her heart and was the meanest person in the world. I got off the phone with a ton of guilt but anger too.

I get so tired of this crap. Does anyone else ever have to deal with crap like this? Kristin if you read this, advice please!

Old Flames

A few days ago I got to talking to my Mom about Matthew. The guy I thought I was going to marry. He and I met in high school, my senior year. We went out one time and became inseparable. We had a tempestuous relationship. Breaking up at a year in, him going buck wild for a week or so, only to return to me wanting another chance.

We moved in together. Became engaged and spent 5 years as a couple. But at some point during our relationship things changed. I ended up so stressed I decided to stay with my Dad for a couple of weeks and during that time he called one day out of the blue to announce it was over.

As I went to retrieve my things at our shared apartment, many of my things were gone. Stolen by his friends I assumed. When he walked in he was shocked to see me. I can still feel that pain. That hurt, that intense breaking of a young heart. But my pain would only grow as I confronted him and realized the cold truth. He was sleeping with another woman and had been for a very long time. I wasn't sure of how long he had been cheating in the relationship but he refused to meet my eyes or to answer my questions. Instead he made a fast path to the front door.

I'll never forget that day. It was cold, the beginning of March. The air was damp with a slight rain and the wind was crisp. As he walked out I followed, stopping as he went down the stairs and instead watching through my tears from the balcony. He climbed into the drivers seat of 'her' car, a black Toyota Camry. She was in the passengers seat. He looked at me one last time as he put the car in drive and drove out of my life.

During the days, weeks and years that followed I told myself that one day he would be sorry. One day he would regret the hurt he had given me. That one day, my pain would become his. I yearned for that day, waited for it, longed for it.

Fast forward almost 10 years later. My Sister and Mom bumped into him separately and they each told me that words from him I'd always dreamed of hearing:

"He asked about you, how you are. He said if he could change what happened he would. He said it was the biggest mistake."

And the funny thing is, I no longer needed to hear it.

He's had a very hard life since that day. Many hurts upon his soul that I won't divulge. They are his stories to tell and I found it sad to learn them from my Mother. I always assumed I would feel a perverse pleasure from his pain but instead I felt an intense sympathy for him. Because even though he hurt me he also paved the way for the greatest gifts in my life.

If it weren't for him I would never have married the true love of my life. I wouldn't have my children that I adore more than words. I would still be that selfish girl who only cared about herself. I would still be looking for that perfect dream life that girls can't see is directly in front of them because they always want more than what they have.

It's so funny how things turn out. Jimbo was so broken when his wife cheated on him...with one of his best friends from childhood (he was a groomsman at his wedding to her!). Yet when his friend came asking forgivness after Jim and I married Jimbo thanked him. We are each so damned thankful for the hurt that brought us together. It makes us appreciate one another even more.

.

I told my Mom and Sister to tell Matthew I wish him well by the way. Hopefully he will find his joy in life soon. I want him to be as happy as I am. That is my Christmas wish this year.

Prime

Today I lay on the couch, sniffling and feeling crappy. I turned on HBO and this movie was on. It stars Uma Thurman and Meryl Streep. I'd seen it advertised but never had the inclination to watch.

The basic premise is this: A young guy and older woman meet, go out, fall for one another. There are complications, including a case of mistaken identity. I won't go further because it would ruin the movie. I walked into it blind and am glad I did.

I laughed, found myself knowing some parts all to well and tearing up at the end. It's is a really great movie. I highly recommend it. Very worth renting on DVD. Check it out if you get a chance.

Jamie Lynn Spears

I initially heard the news of her pregnancy yesterday. Then today I saw THIS article splashed on the front page of people.com.

I'll confess, the first thing I thought was, "the apple doesn't fall far from that old tree does it?" I mean, look at her sister. This is definitely a dis functional family. But then something happened, I took a good and hard look at myself and I was ashamed.

People really shouldn't be so quick to judge this young lady, not yet anyway. I'm not positive but I imagine she didn't intend to become pregnant at the tender age of 16. Instead I believe she fell in love and did what many young girls do, she engaged in sexual intercourse. People are delusional if they think that girls don't do this. Even those who appear on Nickelodeon or the Disney Channel.

As for me, I'm holding off on saying anything negative about her. Not just yet. I want to see how she handles herself now that she has a responsibility to this child she is carrying. For me it's just not about what you've done but more of how you handle yourself afterward that counts.

And for all of those demanding her show be cancelled and talking trash about her, I'd like to add this. You never know if that could be your daughter one day. No Mother ever dreams her child will be "that" child. Hell, I never imagined my own sister would become a teenage Mom. But she did and we supported her and I wouldn't trade my beautiful niece for the world.

More Teacher Drama

Yesterday was not my day on many levels. For one, I'm sick...again! I'm so tired of being sick. I tried to shake it all day yesterday and failed. As I sit here I'm sniffling snot and have a nasty taste in my throat.

Fun.Fun.Fun.

Then last night Jimbo arrives home with Arwen. She has more fish pulled. As is usual I always ask for an explanation prior to looking in her daily folder. She tells me she got into trouble for "telling someone you have big boobies Mommy, why is boobies a bad word?"

*sigh*

Then the whopper. I see in her folder.

"Inappropriate Language (ask her)." and then...

"Trying to kiss another child". A long arrow was drawn from this toward the bottom of the paper and written in purple marker was, "Aarrrgghh!!!"

Please tell me, is that not the most unprofessional thing to do? Writing something like that, showing your obvious frustration, in a childs daily folder? Is it just me? Does anyone else find this incredibly insulting?

I wrote the teacher an email last night. This is what I said in regard to the "arrrgghh!":

I spoke to her regarding kissing another child (I noticed the "arrrgghh" written below in her folder and hope it was written in frustration and not because Arwen did so out of anything but affection). I'll admit we are very loving household. It is the norm to kiss and cuddle with one another. However, I explained to Arwen that she can only do that at home, with us. I apologize and hopefully after explaining things to her she know understands and will not do that in the future.

I just wanted to let you know I am trying to talk to her and to make some progress with her. So is her Father. We don't want to alienate her because we both believe that trust and balance between parent and child begins early. But we also realize that if we don't do something now things will only get worse.

Thank You,

Now, should I go beyond this? Perhaps schedule a meeting with this woman? At this rate I'm seriously and I mean seriously contemplating going against my husband and yanking my child out of this school.

On one hand she needs a firm hand and direction. But on the other she is just a child and this nit picking is starting to drive me batty.

.

The picture above is of her notebook. How would you take it if you received something like this from a teacher?

Christmas Meme

Taking this meme from the lovely Erin ;) Pass it along!!

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping paper, with bows and ribbon!

2. Real tree or artificial? Real. I was raised with artificial and when I married Jimbo he begged me to start taking on his yearly traditions so I gave it a shot. I'm so glad I did. We make a big thermos of hot cocoa and go pick out a tree, each take a turn cutting it. Then we return to the van and drink our cocoa while christmas music plays. We also go the first weekend after Thanksgiving to see the reindeer.

3. When do you put up the tree? The weekend following Thanksgiving.

4. When do you take the tree down? The first week in January.

5. Do you like egg nog? Oh good lord YES. I keep it stocked during December (and I spike it at Christmas!)

6. Favorite gift received as a child? A horse. My aunt Laura got me a welsh pony/quarter horse. Her name was princess and I adored her. She foundered however after getting into feed and we gave her to a family with small children as she couldn't be ridden any longer.

7. Do you have a nativity scene? Yes, in the house set up as a decoration.

8. Hardest person to buy for? My Dad.

9. Easiest person to buy for? My husband.

10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Mail

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? Cheap perfume. Yuck.

12. Favorite Christmas Movie? A Christmas Story. I own it and watch it faithfully at least a couple of times every christmas.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? All year. I start up early, if I find something I get it and put it up for the holidays.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Yes. But only on good gifts I would never use. Not cheap ones lol.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? The cookies from the bake.

16. Clear lights or colored on the tree? Always colored.

17. Favorite Christmas song? Oh Holy Night.

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Travel. We see my side and then my husbands.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeers? Yes

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? Angel

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Both. We open gifts at my Grandma's and exchange and before bed we give the children one small gift to open. Then in the morning the kids come down and all the gifts are under and around the tree. We set up sections for each child.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year? The rude people, the traffic and the crowds. It's terrible.

23. Favorite ornament, theme or color? Our first christmas ornament, pictured above.

24. Favorite for Christmas dinner? As my husband is Italian, spaghetti or ravoli usually. Homemade.

25. What do you want for Christmas this year? Usually I always want at least one thing for myself. But this year I'll just want to be feeling well enough to soak in my children having a wonderful christmas.

26. Who is most likely to respond to this? Littlesunshine maybe?

27. Who is least likely to respond to this? People that don't read my blog? I don't know lol!

Hell-Mart and Rude Ass Employees

I'm sure any of you can sympathize. You get a gift and:

A. Already have the item.
B. Don't like the item.
C. Can't use the item.
D.Whatever other reason.

So what do you do? You take it back. This is what normal people do. Right?

Today I returned two games Vincent got for his birthday. The reason? They were both the same exact game, Thomas the Train for leapster AND because we already have 2 of that same game at home.

I get in line at Bitch-Mart and wait. I'm smiling with Vince and in an all together good mood. Then it's my turn and I hand the girl the games, laugh about getting duplicate gifts at his party and tried to make conversation. She ignores me and punches in numbers. As she tries to put the amount on a card she calls a CSM over. This is the conversation, words written as I heard them:

"You cain't bring no more things back here for 6 months without a receipt after today."

I look at the CSM confused. I don't understand the animosity and I also don't understand why I can't return things without a receipt. So I say what any confused person would.

"Pardon?"

She stares hatefully at me. "I say, you cain't bring nothing else back here for 6 months. You paist your limit on thangs to bring back. You get 3 in 6 months and dis is your third time."

"Ok, so what do I do in the future? This was a birthday present, he got two of the same things."

"Keep up with da receipts den." She snaps.

"Uh, I just told you, I didn't purchase this, it was for my sons birthday..."

"Well, keep up with your receipts next time."

It feels like a stand off and I'm not backing down.

"Listen, I keep my own receipts but when it's a present..."

"You ain't allowed to brang nothing back for 6 months, keep up with your receipts next time."

At this point I'm pissed off.

"Fine," I say, snatching up the gift card. "Next time, I'll be sure to write in each invitation, "Please bring receipts for all gifts, Wal-Mart says so!"

I walked off fuming, left fuming, got home fuming and I'm still fuming. What the hell?? Please understand. I realize why they have this policy. I know people steal and bring stuff back with them. My problem is I'm sick and tired of people that shouldn't work with the public.

If you can't be polite to people that come into the place you work. Find another job, period. I have zero sympathy for you. I used to work with the public. It takes a certain kind of person, a people person. You have to enjoy being around other people and being nice and listening. You have to learn control and above all else to keep your bad attitude at home.

I'm writing a letter to Wal-Mart. This isn't the first time I was treated rudely. Just the first time I was treated rudely in front of my children. I'll take my $1500 dollars a month spent there to another store. I'm sure they'll be more than happy to treat me well and to take our cash.

Happy Birthday Vin Man!

Happy Birthday to my sweet little man. He had a wonderful time. My babies are growing so fast.

On the Mend

Talk about a seriously bad week. Whatever it was I caught wiped me completely. I was so exhausted from the throwing up and lack of sleep it wasn't even funny. And to make matters worse, Jimbo didn't have alot of time to take off so I was left to fend for myself with the kids. I made a pallet in the floor in my office and spent as much time as possible laying down.

I called my surgeon. I've had the worse case of heartburn and we think it's from the zoloft my neurologist placed me on. I was told to come off of it so I'm hoping that is one less thing to deal with.

As for the migraines. I'm sick of them. Honestly. I've had them for years but the last year or so they've increased in duration, frequency and severity. I've decided I am going to take the neck block offered by the neurologist on my visit in January. Last time I went in I was doing a bit better and she said to hold off. But I'm going to move past my fear of needles. A tiny sting can't be as bad as a night of head pounding hell.

Katherine asked if I'd tried the nasal medications or injections. I've tried many things, I could get my chart from the Dr to tell you exactly what they are. The main problem comes in nursing Annabel. Many of those medications are not compatible with breastfeeding. The one thing that always seemed to work for me was Toradol injections. I LOVE that stuff. But I can't have it until she is weaned. I'm hoping that once I return to a regimen of that I will no longer need anything else. On a bad migraine the doctor would give me a Toradol shot, phenegren and nubain and send me to sleep it off. That always worked and it seemed like it would be at least a couple of weeks before another migraine would strike. So we started doing Toradol on a bi-weekly basis and that eliminated them almost completely.

I think part of the problem also stems from the TMJ. Some of the worse migraines I get are from a TMJ night. I can always tell by the tightness in my jaw and soreness from grinding. I have to go to the dentist to get fitted for some little plastic thing that fits over my front teeth. This is supposed to help as well.

Actually, it was so bad at one point this week I seriously contemplated going to the ER. I've only been 2 times in my life for severe migraines in the last 10 years. I tried the Meperghen Fortis but kept throwing up so I'm sure it didn't stay down. But I think I also had the flu or something as well because of the aches and heartburn.

Thanks for the supportive and super sweet comments!! It makes me feel alot better to know you thought of me. I'm on the mend and trying to recover now. At least the vomiting is gone!

Sick as a Dog

I woke up the night before last at 3:45am. I had a odd sensation in my throat, followed by a horribly bitter taste. I assumed it was from my night time pill and tried to shake it off. Then when I got up that morning, I noticed heartburn.

As the day wore on, I felt worse and worse. Finally I called Jimbo home at 2pm. He brought Arwen home (and she was in BIG trouble but that is another blog). I went to bed. Woke up at 6pm and started throwing up.

I took some phengren and pain medication because I started to get a terrible migraine and the throwing up was making it worse. Somehow I managed to keep it down for a few minutes before starting up again and after was able to sleep.

So today I still feel like crap but not as bad as before. I'll be back to my normal blogging self soon, cross your fingers for me!

Crappy Global Warmed Day

My day has sucked. I got into bed at 4am last night. The boys were up (Logan is sick) and I finally broke down and placed a television into their room to get a few precious hours of sleep.

Today they have ran me ragged. Logan has been throwing again, and hitting. Vincent has been whining. Annabel, thank the good lord, has been happy. Then to top it all off, it's fucking 70 degrees outside. I'm sorry for the language but I'm so angry and HOT right now. How can it be 70 degrees in DECEMBER?? If that doesn't scream global warming! I don't know what else does.

I just attempted to put the boys down but I can tell its going to be a struggle. I'm going to have to sit on the edge of one of the beds til they sleep. I just don't get it. They force me (literally) to be a evil bitch to them before they will listen. I hate that, I truly do. I always try so hard to be nice and never spank or lose my temper. I always walk away if I get angry and try to take a moment but on some days they won't allow me any respite.

Last night they started up and Jimbo got so angry he told me to put on my headphones and to go into another room away from them. He said he's sick of the way they treat me. Other than spanking I have no idea what to do. I'm dealing with a special needs child and time outs don't work, nor does taking things. Vincent is much the same because he imitates his brother. The only way the two of them ever listen is if I raise my voice and yell so loud my throat cracks. But afterward I always feel terrible and usually will spend the rest of the afternoon trying to make it up to them.

It's a narrow, hard line Mothers walk. On days like today I'm reminded that it's not all love and hugs. And speak of the devils, they are jumping on their beds, time to get tough.

*edited to add. Logan is sick but only in the form of a nagging low degree 99.4 fever. Otherwise he's climbing the walls and going nuts, acting like the heathen he sometimes is for the most part.

Christmas French Manicure

Each Christmas I try to come up with new ideas for my manicure. This year I tried something new, gold strips.

I think this came out ok. I'm still debating whether or not to use this for christmas day or something with decals. I used OPI Merry Crimson for the base, Sinful San Fransicso for the tips and gold strips.

Shannon Miller

I came across this today and it really took me back. I still remember being 12 years old and watching her every single time I could on the television. She was my hero, I thought the was the most amazing girl in the world.

She's grown into a beautiful woman. It was nice to watch her again.

All Tuckered Out

I think it's pretty self explanatory. I promise, he's just asleep. *wink*

Kids and Vaseline

This is what happens when your husband leaves the vaseline out after a diaper change and your son finds it while you are making a cup of coffee. He also managed to shove some of the train track into the container as well.

Bee Movie with the Girls

Yesterday Arwen asked me to come along with her and Meme to see this movie. She also had another request I was hesitant about. She wanted her sister to come along too. Nervously I agreed. I told Mom that if Annabel got upset I'd just walk outside until the movie ended.

Turns out I had nothing to worry about. Annabel was mesmerized by the large faces on the screen and we watched the entire movie without a peep.

It.Was.Awesome.

And the movie isn't bad either. At just under 90 minutes it's just long enough to be good and just short enough to keep the kids in their seats. I really loved it and recommend it to everyone, adults included. It really is a funny movie.

Life moves Along

The kids are in bed and I've been at the computer catching up on some youtube. I saw Susan had come by and I went to check on her blog. She had an entry that truly made my heart shatter. I struggled with exactly what to say but for a number of reasons just couldn't say anything. Who am I to talk about trying to imagine her loss?

I think each day about Mother's and families like Susan who deal with the death of a child. Death is horrible when it strikes any family but I imagine it's much worse in cases such as these. You hear people all the time that make statements like, "I would die if something happened to my child", or "I wouldn't want to go on living". I've said the same things before. But I know now that I am a Mother to 4 children and if anything were to happen I'd have to move forward. If only for them.

Jimbo's Aunt JoAnne doesn't talk much about her daughter JoJo. She had Hodgkin's as a child and it returned later in life for her. She didn't win the battle she second time around. She left behind her 2 year old toddler. Jimbos Mom talks more about Jo than her own Mother. I imagine it's just too painful.

Then you have Jimbo's Mom herself. She lost Jimbo's sister Karin within two weeks of her birth to complications from Spina Bifida. One day she really talked to me about Karin and it broke my heart. She told me how much it hurt and how a part of her died after. I was glad she felt she could confide in me. I really felt she trusted me and sharing that devastation brought us closer somehow. But I realize more than anything that even years later she mourns. Karin would have turned 30 this year, just as I did.

So life moves along while hearts and memories stand still. Tonight my heart aches. I want to comfort someone and can't. I want to say something that my heart feels but my mind can't emulate.

My Polish Stash

People don't believe me when I say I have a minor polish obsession. Then they walk into my office and see this. And what's worse? My stash used to consist only of that little carrier at the very top.

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Yeah, it's that bad.

FingerPaints Polish

For anyone out there that might be curious about polish but hesitant to try it out because of cost or availability, I want to share something with you.

Sally's Beauty Supply.

You can find any and every nail product you need in this store, including FingerPaints nail polish. These polishes are a Sally brand but don't let that worry you. They wear just as well and long as any OPI (in fact, since OPI changed their formula to a 'safer' mixture, it actually applies easier) and come in a large variety of colors. Including some seasonal holiday colors, like Big Red Bow.

I get a Sally's card each year and it really comes in handy. In case you're wondering I use Seche Vite ridge filler base coat and Poshe topcoat (both found at Sallys). I've turned my Mom on to them and she loves it. You can do your own manicures that will last for a week solid.

I'm thinking of doing a post about my manicure routine. If anyone is interested in how I keep my fingernails strong and how I apply my polish to keep it going up to a week or more, just comment and let me know and I'll start on a entry.

The Oprah Factor?

I can feel the backlash already. But I'm going to say it anyway. Just seeing this picture makes me NOT want to vote for Obama.

I'm sorry. I know many women believe the sun rises and sets with Queen O. Fortunately for me, I'm not one of them.

Cookie Bake Drama

Today was the annual cookie bake at my Mom's (Mother in Law's). All the girls gathered and sat together eating cookies, talking to one another and trying to relax in the stifling kitchen. Total awesomeness.

Then it happened. Jay was brought up. Now for those of you not in the know about Jay and Lori, I blogged about them a while back. After Annabel was born Jay acted the consummate ass and totally blew her off. He refused to look at her and acted as if she had the plague. His reason for being such a dick? He's upset we had a girl and he didn't. He is treating us and our baby like outcasts because he had two sons.

At first I tried to be understanding. I have two of each sex. I might take it hard had I only boys or girls. After Arwen all I wanted were girls. If someone even mentioned how sweet boys are, how adorable, sweet and how they bond to their Moms (all very true!) I would get pissed off. How dare someone tell me what I wanted and didn't. Then an amazing thing happened. Logan was born, placed into my arms, and I put my entire foot in my mouth. I was a fool for ever saying I didn't want a baby that was a boy.

Anyhow, today it was brought up. Apparently he has said that he still doesn't want to see or be near Annabel because (get this) it, "hurts him" to see her and "she is a painful reminder of what we don't have".

I sat clinching my jaw tightly. This is totally out of hand at this point. My daughter isn't going anywhere and he needs to grow the hell up. My sympathy has been replaced instead by anger and frustration. This is my child and she deserves to be acknowledged. She is here, she is a blessing and he is an asshole.

I told everyone the truth. If he treats her the way he did before at Christmas, I'm calling him out in front of the entire family. My daughter is cooing and smiling. If he turns from her if she locks onto him and smiles I know my rope will break.

Maybe I'm being too sensitive but he treated me and Annabel terribly at the party. He even chewed his wife out. The way I see it is if he truly wanted more children he should have had them. He shouldn't treat me or mine badly because of his choices and what god chose to give him.

Perhaps I should mention the thousands of childless parents that would give the world for just ONE child. Irregardless of the sex.

I need your opinion!!

I need your help. The time has come to cut my hair again. If you look to your right you can see my hair now. Very long and layered. But below are some pictures of me with short hair. Do I pull it off well enough to chop it again?

This is me with it chopped and stacked in the back. The cut came just to my chin. I LOVED this haircut. My hair was colored a dark red also. This was 10 years ago after I donated all my long hair to locks of love (all 15 inches of it!)

And here is my cut from a few years ago. Just a simple bob, close to the chin.

So tell me, cut or not to cut?

Marriage and Divorce

After reading THIS article on CNN I has just one thought. The divorce rate in this country SUCKS.

Here we have same sex couples fighting for the right to wed. They say it's because they want to devote their lives to one another. Then some states give the right, they marry and what happens? They decide a couple of years later they have, "irreconcilable differences" and need to divorce. I know shit happens but when I said I do, I meant I do. For better, worse, anything and everything. Perhaps the only thing that I couldn't honestly forgive is adultery or physical/emotional abuse, otherwise you have to work at it.

Maybe this is harsh of me but I'm asking this in all honesty. Why do people want to be married if it's only going to be taken lightly? We already have men and women marrying that do that all the time. I've seen couples who refuse to marry because they swear they don't need a piece of paper or legal contract to prove their devotion to one another. It seems like they are the couples that last. (them and my grandparents)

This isn't a bash of any kind on same sex couples. This is for all couples who choose to marry and don't do everything they can to make something work. I don't know these two women and it's perhaps unfair to make an example of them. I just find it a shame that divorce occurs so frequently nowadays.