Things Change

I was reading an entry over at REBIRTH and it got me to thinking about how life and opinions change with time.

I didn't get the quad screen with my first child. I swore that no matter what, I'd have her. I'll admit I placed myself on some high pedestal, puffing out my chest like I deserved a medal. Because I was a moral person who would have a child irregardless of circumstance.

Then my Mother in Law told me about Karin. Jimbos baby sister who spent two weeks in this world. A baby girl who is still remembered over 30 years later and is mourned.

I got the screens for each of my other children, only Annabels tested abnormal. Suddenly I was thrown out of the loop. Sometimes making a decision regarding a pregnancy and the possibility of termination isn't as simple as black and white (as much as some would like you to believe). In my case I had 3 children, 1 of which is special needs. So much of my time is focused on caring for him. So I had to consider, is it really fair to them to bring another child into the family that will take all of my time and energy away? Especially if the child suffered from something so severe they may never speak, see, walk, talk or understand what is going on around them?

Luckily, things turned out fine and our family was blessed with the baby girl I'd die for. We did alot of soul searching during that emotional time in our lives. If anything I'm grateful I was pulled down from my high moral horse. I needed a slap to the face to bring me back to reality.