I was checking up on one of my favorite blogs, The Lactivist. I'll be honest, I read the blog about the weaner-gate incident and didn't pay alot of attention to it. But today I caught up and it's interesting to say the least.
To summarize. Jennifer aka the Lactivist is attempting to wean her 14 month old son. She's using the don't ask, don't give method. So basically she will nurse but only if he specifically asks for it. She is preparing for a 11 day vacation with her husband and hopes Emmit will be weaned by that time. No big deal right?
WRONG. As usual, there are other Mothers out there who simply have to pick her apart. How dare she want her body back! Especially when they have nursed for 3 years straight! How dare she want a vacation with her husband! They would never dream of leaving their child for 11 days! How dare she call herself "The Lactivist". In order to call yourself that you must breastfeed until your child graduates college and gets married! (ok I'm taking that one a bit far, excuse me) If she cannot live up fully to that title then she simply must change it. Only women who nurse until their child says it's time to stop are true lactivists!
Why is it that so many women feel the need to bash others who don't agree with their parenting decisions? If you don't agree, then agree to disagree. I find it disheartening to see yet another divide made among women. Women have to start building each other up as much as possible, and they have to stop all the nit picking already!
The truth is, while it's awesome you're still breastfeeding your 2, 3, or 4 year old, other women simply do not feel comfortable with this. That is their decision. Try looking at it from the glass is half full perspective. Think to yourself, "She nursed for over a year! that's really good", instead of, "she stopped nursing after a year, that's terrible."
This is exactly why many Mothers choose formula. So many nursing Women set them up for failure! You heard it right. It's not enough that a Woman nurses but she also must nurse for so long, so often. She must be selfless, never mention aggravation at wanting her body back. She must never voice her disappointment, never complain. After all, there are other women out there who have it just as bad but they keep it to themselves.
If nursing Mother's truly wish other women to embrace breastfeeding, they must start showing more support. I know I want my sister to nurse her infant but my goal at this time is just to get her to nurse for as long as she can. Even if it's a few weeks. Some breastfeeding is better than no breastfeeding. Look for the good in things instead of the bad.
I personally have found alot of support from The Lactivist. She helped me out greatly when I was dealing with pain issues and medications. She got me in touch with a super lady who helped me work out a medication plan so I could continue to nurse Annabel. Someone who goes out of her way for a complete stranger can't be that bad, can she?
2 comments:
I completely agree...I can't stand it how some women just pick each other apart for such silly reasons! Everyone does what works best for them. I think it's awesome that lady has made it to 14 months! Hell I'm proud I breastfed my daughter for a month! And God I would LOVE a vacation with my husband! Like I said before, people just need to let it go...we need to start supporting each other instead of bashing each other and playing the "I'm better than you" or "You're not good enough" game... drives me nuts!
I took a lot of flack from people, including my mother, at my absolute inability to breastfeed.
Both of my girls were born two months early, only 10 months apart. When the body delivers early, this can cause problems with lactation from the get-go. When you have an infant in the NICU that can't be put to the breast, this too can cause problems. No matter how much they perfect breast pumps, the body knows it is not the same as your baby.
I tried for one and half months with my first child, the firs month, pumping exclusively and bringing it to the NICU. After the first couple of weeks, I could not output what she needed for nutrition purposes. Additionally, her feeding times had to be strictly limited to 30 mins so she wouldn't burn more energy than she consumed and bf made this impossible.
Fast forward and along comes my second daughter, also two months early. Again, I try pumping and this time I even go on Reglan. I have a severe allergic reaction and ended up in the hospital. Still determined to be successful at breastfeeding, I try herbal methods. No dice. For one month, I tried pumping, making sure to pump for 30-45 minutes every two hours, two and a half at most. I can't get more than 75ml a day.
My mother and others think I just didn't try hard enough and that EVERY woman can breastfeed. Women judge me because I failed to bf preemies, those who arguably need breast milk most.
Utterly disgusting.
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