Enough is Enough

As you may have noticed, some of my blogs in the past have been up for a short period, then *poof*, vanished. This usually occurs when I mention my side of the family. More specifically, my Mother and her side.

Recently I blogged about my daughter and her unruly and inexcusable behavior when around my Mother. She has gotten so out of control that I wound up spanking her. Something I haven't done in so long I couldn't tell you the last time. She truly had it coming as she was screaming so loudly she woke the baby.

Ever since her return home from her Grans she has been a devil child. Talking back, yelling, refusing to listen. She has told me and her Father no, ran to her room and has thrown her toys. She has had fish pulled at school (she only had one pulled last week) both yesterday and two pulled today. And finally I got to thinking and really sat down and looked at her school sheet and the weekends spent at my Mothers and what'd ya know...there is a link in the two.

For every weekend my daughter visits her "Granny" (god, please help me not go off right now, I so want to). The week after she stays in constant trouble at school. She also has toys and games taken away and is generally on bedroom arrest. It usually takes at least 3-4 days for her to settle back into things and return to the child I know.

This has to stop, NOW. I've decided that the risks of pissing off my Mother are less important than showing my daughter this will no longer be tolerated. The problem is, how exactly to go about making changes.

Ultimately, the problem lies with my Mother herself. I know she loves my children but she has to stop giving in. For example:

If she says she is leaving, Arwen will cry. She will only get louder and louder and then my Mother will finally say, "ok ok, show me but I have to go, now stop that crying!". Then she will stay another 15-30 minutes. She has taught my daughter that by crying and throwing a fit, she will get her way. Even if it angers myself and her Father.

This has become the norm for many things as far as my Mother is concerned and Arwen. This is what caused the blow out over the weekend. Screaming and demanding which accumulated in Arwen getting a good spanking. And after the spanking, instead of supporting my decision to have Arwen stay home, she instead says:

"Why are you punishing me??" She gives me that shocked, mortified, angry, hurt, confused, look. The look that drives me fucking INSANE. I can't stand that look. I just want to shake her because when she gives that look, it's not about anyone else. It's not about teaching my daughter manners or rules. It's not about showing a child boundaries must be set and tempers have to be mastered. Nope, it's all about good old ME.

Arwen has learned it's not so hard to pit her Granny against me. Our issues have caused enough heat in the past. We are still dealing with boundaries, such as my Mother not telling me when she takes my children out on the road to go here or there without my permission. My Mother still can't grasp the concept of staying home when she gets the kids. Instead she wants to go to this place or that. I've never met someone who simply cannot stand to stay home. This struggle has been compounded by the fact my Mother doesn't respect our wishes and instead goes where she pleases. Only to be ratted out by us catching her in the act or when Arwen tells us, "guess where Granny took me!".

I'm absolutely frustrated at this moment. I'm listening to my daughter upstairs crying and whining and I want to call my Mother and get ugly with her about this. Of course I won't do that, not right now at least. Because I know my Mother won't take any of the blame. She will think I'm blaming her for something that isn't her fault. She will argue with me and we will stop speaking again.

Maybe I'll wait until Christmas is over before dropping the bomb. But as of tonight a plan is underway. Changes are about to take place. I just hope that I'm strong in this and don't waver. I'm usually so eager to please. Making someone upset or angry with me kills me inside. I truly cannot stand it.

But this isn't about me, it's about being a proper Mother. It's time to take control.