So I'm dealing with yet more drama with my Mom. Here is the stitch.
I get a call from her asking what our plans were Christmas morning. I tell her the usual. She asks if Jims family is coming over. I tell her no, then she says that she and my family won't have my niece this year as she is going to her Daddy's and they want to come over that morning.
"Is that ok?" she asks.
"Uhhh, I guess, what time? Maybe 8 or 9?"
"No, we want to be there for them opening Santa's stuff," she says.
"Uhhhh, well, I'd really have to talk to Jimbo Mom, that's kinda our time with the kids."
"Well, I'd only want to come for that, the best part is seeing them open all of their presents Christmas morning."
Grrr. What in the hell do I say? If I say no then I'm the awful bitch daughter. But if I say yes I allow the door to open to allowing Jimbos family, my family, whoever to start doing our christmas mornings with us all. When did Christmas morning stop being about Mom's, Dad's and their children?
I told her I had to talk to Jimbo and as usual she got all sad and hurt with me. Acting as if I'd broken her heart and was the meanest person in the world. I got off the phone with a ton of guilt but anger too.
I get so tired of this crap. Does anyone else ever have to deal with crap like this? Kristin if you read this, advice please!
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Mamma Drama..Grrr!!
Posted by Jaime at 8:34 AM
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4 comments:
Wow, I'm glad that I can help with advice on these sorts of situations. Knowing that what I've been through can help others kind of makes it worth it :)
Anyway, as I last commented about your mom, this is just who she seems to be & no matter what you say or ask her to do will change that. With that said, you will have to look like the bad guy & she will just have to deal with it.
ABSOLUTELY NO on her wish to be there on Christmas morning to watch the kids open their Santa presents. That special time is for you & YOUR family. Once you got married & had kids you became your own unit. The Grandparents taking a back seat to special moments like this is just the cycle of life. She had her time with her kids & now you'll have time with yours.
She will probably cry & make you feel terrible, but this choice is in the best interest of your family. Sharing another time with her is fine, but some moments should be reserved for just your family. She'll learn to get over it.
Be prepared for her to act like a 2 year old & don't feel guilt-tripped into feeling bad. How she chooses to behave is her choice. It's not your responsibility to make her happy all of the time.
Good luck & hold your ground! You'll have to stay strong in these situations :)
Hey Kristin!
I'm so glad you responded. ;)
Jim and I decided to tell her she is welcome to come at 9am that morning. The children wake between 6-7am and will open gifts then.
That way, she can come out and see the kids but we get our time. I debated heavily on this but my sister doesn't want to be alone without her daughter (she's pregnant as well, due in a month) and I don't want her to be without family.
Thank you again, it really helps having advice from someone who has lived with the same stuff. =)
Yeah, I think it's a safe guess that most people deal with some kind of guilt trip from at least one relative every Xmas. Except me 'cause I don't have relatives. :)
Like my therapist would say, she's an adult, she controls her feelings, thoughts and actions. If she's gonna have a meltdown about this, it's her problem not yours.
I came to a conclusion from my last 'disastrous' vacation - I'm sick and tired of "family" monopolizing my time.
I had three weeks off - and my "adherence to family timetables" absolutely ruined it.
Lesson I've learned from that?
If "folks" want to see me - they know my address.
I'm not screwing up my vacation just so I can "appease" family (even if it means my parents)... especially "family" that I have trouble "seeing eye to eye" with since a long time....
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