Thursday, April 10, 2008

Emotional Funk

First, the pictures above. My lovely youngest two fell asleep while I was cleaning the playroom. I snapped those just a few minutes ago. The one below is of a rose I made yesterday while playing with the kids and their play-doh. I'm getting rather good at it now, I made a kick-arse cat the other day. I'll take a picture next time.

Now for the juicy stuff. I'm in an emotional 'funk'. I'm trying to shake it off but it's hard. I don't know if it's because of my Grandma (who is going home today!!), the lost friend, or looking in the mirror and realizing that perhaps I'm not the best person I could be.

I've always considered myself a good person but a flawed one . Who isn't? I know I rub people the wrong way sometimes, I know I curse too much, I know I don't eat healthy most of the time, I know I have a fast temper, and I know I'm not always right. But I also love my children, husband, family and friends. I try to do the right thing when placed into a situation.

Today when out at the store this woman approached me who has spoken to me before. Annabel was with me and she asked the same exact question she did last time.

"What wrong with her face??" she asked. "She got rash?"

"No, she has eczema." I say back and try to put my items on the register.

"Don't you have medicine for that?" She staring at Annabel like she's got the plague and suddenly this anger rises up in me.

"Yeah, they have medicine," I spat. "But I figure why not let her suffer?"

The woman looked at me for a moment in a kind of strange shock before walking away to her own spot in the store. I immediately felt shame for snapping at her. I don't know why I was so angry over something so little. Maybe it's because recently I've had a hard time with Annabel's little body and face. She is so beautiful but she suffers when her break outs occur and there is nothing I can do about it. And it's very noticeable. It's only natural people would and do ask. Maybe I'm just tired of answering the same question over and over. Or maybe I'm tired of the stupidness of asking why I don't use something to get rid of it. Don't they think I would if I could??

I hate being in this funk. Maybe it's hormonal or maybe it's just stress. I've been getting these welt like little bumps in my hairline and I recently got an abscess in my mouth (want to talk about pain). I think I need something to give here but I'm not exactly sure "what".
Hopefully I'll be back to my old fun loving blogging self soon. One thing is for sure, this is NOT me.


Kristin said...

I wouldn't feel the least bit sorry for snapping at some random person who came up to me & actually said "what's wrong with her face". In fact, I probably would have said "nothing. What's wrong with yours?"

Ignorant people deserve those kind of answers, IMO.

Tania said...

she probably didn't know she was coming off that way, but I would have reacted the same way! Who wouldn't take offense to that! And hang in there...everyone has these moments.

Jaime said...

Kristin and Tania,

Thank you both for making me feel better. I felt bad at first but now thinking about it I think she had it coming to her.

It was just simply put, rude of her. She's done it before (she works at Wal-Mart) and while I don't expect her to recognize every single person that comes in, I explained my daughters condition in detail last time.

It does hurt when people stare and ask, "what is that?!?"

Lawfrog said...

You are entitled to moments of snapping particularly when someone makes such an idiotic comment to you. You've had a lot of emotionally charged events in your life lately, it's no wonder you're irritable. It's normal and it's ok.

You are a woman who loves her family, works hard to raise her kids, and occasionally snaps at people who make stupid comments...that doesn't make you bad, it makes you human.

Erin said...

I would have reacted the same way to that woman. She was rude, she deserved it. I hope things start looking up for you soon. Hang in there. The pics of the kiddos sleeping are so sweet and innocent. And the rose is beautiful! I can't believe you made that from Play-doh...