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Friday, April 11, 2008

Can't Win

I'm walking a fine line today. I'm a wreck.

I woke up with the intention of having a great day. I had a new stew recipe to try and was excited. I started out preparing my ingredients and after maybe 5 minutes I came downstairs. This is what greeted me.

It's ok I told myself, I will clean it later. I brought them upstairs with me and turned on the cartoons. When I didn't hear a peep from them them I went to see what was going on. I found them throwing all of the freshly washed and folded laundry around. See for yourself.

I stood there in a mixture of rage, frustration, and felt like screaming at the top of my voice and crying at the same time. Instead I told them to sit on the couch and I counted to 10. Afterward I had to throw away my stew because during the time I was with them, the garlic, onions and meat burned.

So much for a great day.

Lately I feel like I'm all alone (with the exception of Annabel and Arwen who have been insanely good for me recently, I think they know something is off ). And what's worse is what once was this intense need to cry, vent and rage has turned instead to a sad compliance. It's as if part of me has just given up. I find myself trudging along each day, pushing through.

So each day I just keep saying I'll start new and fresh. Maybe tomorrow will be 'the day'.

3 comments:

Tania said...

I'm sorry Jaime. I'm in the same sad state (what is it with this "funk" going around?), but I can't even imagine how much harder it would be when you have kids. If there is any way I can help, let me know. ((hug))

littlesunshine said...

I can say I know exactly how you feel... **hug**

Lawfrog said...

The funk is going around unfortunately. This whole last week has been one big stay in Funkville for me and several of my friends.

If I lived nearby, I'd totally come pick you up for a girls' spa day. I think we all need a little pampering these days.