Friday, April 11, 2008

Can't Win

I'm walking a fine line today. I'm a wreck.

I woke up with the intention of having a great day. I had a new stew recipe to try and was excited. I started out preparing my ingredients and after maybe 5 minutes I came downstairs. This is what greeted me.

It's ok I told myself, I will clean it later. I brought them upstairs with me and turned on the cartoons. When I didn't hear a peep from them them I went to see what was going on. I found them throwing all of the freshly washed and folded laundry around. See for yourself.

I stood there in a mixture of rage, frustration, and felt like screaming at the top of my voice and crying at the same time. Instead I told them to sit on the couch and I counted to 10. Afterward I had to throw away my stew because during the time I was with them, the garlic, onions and meat burned.

So much for a great day.

Lately I feel like I'm all alone (with the exception of Annabel and Arwen who have been insanely good for me recently, I think they know something is off ). And what's worse is what once was this intense need to cry, vent and rage has turned instead to a sad compliance. It's as if part of me has just given up. I find myself trudging along each day, pushing through.

So each day I just keep saying I'll start new and fresh. Maybe tomorrow will be 'the day'.


Tania said...

I'm sorry Jaime. I'm in the same sad state (what is it with this "funk" going around?), but I can't even imagine how much harder it would be when you have kids. If there is any way I can help, let me know. ((hug))

littlesunshine said...

I can say I know exactly how you feel... **hug**

Lawfrog said...

The funk is going around unfortunately. This whole last week has been one big stay in Funkville for me and several of my friends.

If I lived nearby, I'd totally come pick you up for a girls' spa day. I think we all need a little pampering these days.