Dear Sir or Madam,
To those of you in a hurry. Perhaps you are running late after not getting out of the bed on time, perhaps you have to get to a meeting or are late taking your child to school. Whatever the case, I ask simply this. Please do not tailgate me. This will only make me drive SLOWER. Yes, you heard me correctly. I will purposely let off the gas and slow down, just to piss you off. Riding my bumper is rude, give a gal some space.
To those of you piddle farting around. Please, for the love of god, get out of the left hand lane. That lane is for moving traffic, not a slow poke who doesn't do the speed limit. And it's people like you that usually cause wrecks due to the tailgaters mentioned above.
To those of you with a new polished license. I know you are excited. Driving is a huge responsibility and I'm glad you're becoming a young adult. However, please read your driver's manual and listen to your driving instructor. Trust me, that little arrow that turns green means you have the right of way BUT I have the right of way when it's a green light and I'm going straight as you need to turn left. Wrecks are no fun. Also, it's a car, not a party. Just because you can seat 5 people into your Mom's Camry doesn't mean you should.
To those of you in your golden years. I know it's hard to grow older. Giving up the freedom to transport yourself is hard but trust me, you're contributing BIG TIME to road rage. The majority of near accidents I've had all had one huge thing in common, elderly drivers. I know this is a harsh truth but as you age your reflexes slow down. If you're confused as to if this applies to you, please answer these five questions:
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1.) Do you look before you merge into another lane? and if so, do you indicate this by using the appropriate turn signal?
2.) Do you paitently wait for that car that is almost upon you to pass before you pull unto the road?
3.) Do you pay attention to what other drivers are doing around you?
4.) Do you move with the flow of traffic?
5.) Have you had your vision checked in the last year?
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If you answered "NO" to any of those questions, do yourself a favor. Put away the license and stop driving. You are going to kill someone one day.
To those of you who love to gab while driving. Please do not endanger my life or the lives of my children for the sake of conversation. I'm fairly certain if what you need to talk about is that important you can either pull over or call from home. If your call simply cannot wait, at least go into the right lane and move at a slower pace. Wobbling back and forth on the highway will generally prompt me to call the police and report a reckless driver.
To those of you who apply make-up while driving. I've heard that people have poked their eyeballs out doing this, or have gotten terrible lipstick on their teeth and went the entire day smiling and looking like a vampire without knowing it. It's worth waiting to apply correctly and neatly, believe you me.
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To those of you who gab on your cell while driving and also applying make-up. God help us all. I hope you have a living will made up.
And lastly, for those of you who love to drink and get behind the wheel. I know nothing I can say will effect this decision, some people cannot be swayed. But I do ask this, just in case you're listening. Just imagine each time you're leaving that the odds are 50/50 that your dearest love (be it family, wife, husband, uncle, Mom, Dad, child) is going to be on the same road as you, in the opposite lane. Are you really willing to take the chance you won't hit them? Or better yet, if they were in the car with you, would you still think it safe to drive?
With Many Thanks,
A Minivan Mommy
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