To your Health

I went in for my 6 week post partum check up. I've got 15 pounds left until I return to my pre-pregnancy weight and everything from the delivery is on the up and up. Then during my breast exam I pointed out the small "lumps" I'd noticed. My OB spent a long time feeling around and finally decided that after a couple of months, if they remain as they are (he is hopeful they are a bi-product of my nursing) he wants to perform a biopsy.

Add this to the list of on going health issues I have and it's enough to make anyone depressed. I was waiting to get the clear from my OB to return to my Neuro (treat recurring migraines/cluster headaches) and family doctor (anemia, hyperthyroid, heart palps, fatigue). Now I can add the potential worry of tumors in my breast. (my mother has a history, thus far she has had 8 tumors removed from her breasts, thank god all were benign)

It's been difficult at best the last few days. The lumps are worrisome but the heart palpitations have returned with a vengeance and are very frightening. As a long time anxiety attack sufferer, I'd always assumed they were a figment of my imagination. Then during Annabel's delivery I would get them and watched in horror as my heart rate dramatically increased on the monitor. I now know it's not my imagination and it terrifies me.

I try to keep a positive outlook that I can finally begin treatment for all these problems and get back on track. This is what I've been waiting for. Yet I'm scared now that the time has come that I'm only going to get bad news that things are worse than I assumed.

Has anyone ever dealt with hyperthyroidism? I've been told it can be a cause of almost every symptom I'm experiencing. From the fatigue (to the point that I can't even feel my heart beating, which really freaks me out) to the opposite, my heart pounding like it's going to explode. I'm not even going to go into how terrible my migraines are. I'll only say they are only slightly better than before I gave birth and during that time I was taking Demerol and Zofran on a frequent basis.

I'm hopeful I will begin some sort of treatment next week. Until then I'll be trying to convince myself that the pounding of my heart isn't indicative of something very seriously wrong.