Sunday, September 16, 2007

It's the little Things

It hit me suddenly today. I was playing with the kids and Logan was running around, his normal wild, carefree self. Everyone was laughing and having a wonderful time. As it often occurs, Logan became excited without warning. He jumped around wildly, arms and legs flailing about. I immediately calmed all the children in an effort to suppress his sudden surge of excitement. Not doing so could have resulted in a hurt child, possibly himself.

As the day wore on, we all read, played and shared our afternoon together. Eventually bedtime rolled around and it was time to tuck them all into bed. As is routine, we all go up at once and I spend time going to and fro between my daughters bedroom and my sons. I kissed Arwen, expressed my adoration for her and said goodnight. I made my way to the boys room. I nuzzled Vincent's soft neck and told him I loved him. He responded by pushing me away, his way of saying "I love you but enough already!".

I cuddled up with Logan and asked for a kiss. He gave me a quick kiss and a giggle. I wrapped my arms around him and repeated over and over how much I love him and how much he means to me. He smiled but quickly became bored and I made my way out of the room, down to the office.

What hit me today? My son, who just turned 4, has told me one time in his life that he loves me. It was a sunny Saturday morning and he was preparing to go to his Mimi's for the weekend. As I adjusted his seat belt I leaned in for my kiss and told him I loved him. Clear as day he smiled and said "I love you". It was one of the best moments of my life.

I've dreamed of when I'll hear those 3 little words from him again. I'm not sure if or when it will happen. But it's something so small that keeps me going each day. Each night as I tuck him in or each day when I hug him before he climbs onto the bus, I wait to see if today is the day he tells me he loves me. And until then his happy smile and soft grey eyes let me know exactly what he can't express in words just yet.
It's the little things that really make life worth living. It's the little things that truly mean the most.