Today was a pretty bad start as mornings go. Annabel woke me at 4am to nurse and didn't finish until about 5am. I put her back to sleep and rolled over to attempt to get in one hour before I had to get up to get the kids going for school.
At 5:30am, I hear Logan come from his room. He climbs into the bed with us and I pray he will sleep at least the next 30 minutes. Sadly, as is the case most of the time, he didn't want to sleep any longer and his father and I slopped out of the bed. The rest of our family woke before 7am (all but Annabel who is very wisely sleeping while she can, it isn't something easily done in this house) and we got Arwen and Logan ready for school. I took Vincent downstairs, cut on some cartoons to tide him over while I took Logan outside for the bus and we bid farewell to Daddy and Arwen as they made their way to work and school.
Then something happened I have feared since the moment I had Arwen. We were waving goodbye and suddenly, as our car took off down the road, Logan took off running to it. I was several feet behind him and started off after him (at a fast walk, since he was not at the road and we live in a residential neighborhood in the boonies with only 12 houses). As Jimbo pulled off I hear a car...and it's not his. I look as Logan is running toward the street and see the neighbor that flies down the street in her SUV barreling down the road.
I begin to scream at the top of my lungs and a gurgled "LOGAN STOP!" tries to fly out of my lips but my chest cold and sinus infected lungs won't work properly. I'm running as I'm screaming and time seems to stop but not the car and not my son. My heart sinks and I see an image in my head of my son being struck down by that car and his smiling face being gone from my life.
At the last moment, before Logan actually reached the road, my voice worked, "LOGAN STOP NOW!!". He stopped and stood laughing, as if it were a game and I was terrified he would continue running because of it. Then he saw the car (which was almost upon him) and watched it sail (FLY by, she and I are going to have a talk this afternoon, I'm going to see her and let her know there are children that live on our block. If that doesn't work I'm calling the county roadway director about getting a speed bump in front of my home) on by.
In retrospect, I should have done several things. I should never have let him walk away from me without holding my hand (we have a very large front yard he plays in usually whlie awaiting the bus) however and as I said, live in the country in a tiny subdivision, our road ends with a cul de sac. I should have pulled him down to my level to try and convey just how dangerous running toward the road is. But in the end, my son is autistic and he wouldn't have absorbed just how upset I was over his actions.
I ate my heart this morning. I haven't done that since Arwen turned blue and was rushed to the ER with RSV at 2 weeks old. It is something I won't forget and will mold the future of how I walk my son to greet the bus.
It occurred to me that when you need to scream, or run, or react, everything seems to freeze. It's as if time stops so you can absorb every detail of what is about to happen. I never want to experience that again. I'm hoping the lady down the road won't either when I'm finished dealing with her.
At 5:30am, I hear Logan come from his room. He climbs into the bed with us and I pray he will sleep at least the next 30 minutes. Sadly, as is the case most of the time, he didn't want to sleep any longer and his father and I slopped out of the bed. The rest of our family woke before 7am (all but Annabel who is very wisely sleeping while she can, it isn't something easily done in this house) and we got Arwen and Logan ready for school. I took Vincent downstairs, cut on some cartoons to tide him over while I took Logan outside for the bus and we bid farewell to Daddy and Arwen as they made their way to work and school.
Then something happened I have feared since the moment I had Arwen. We were waving goodbye and suddenly, as our car took off down the road, Logan took off running to it. I was several feet behind him and started off after him (at a fast walk, since he was not at the road and we live in a residential neighborhood in the boonies with only 12 houses). As Jimbo pulled off I hear a car...and it's not his. I look as Logan is running toward the street and see the neighbor that flies down the street in her SUV barreling down the road.
I begin to scream at the top of my lungs and a gurgled "LOGAN STOP!" tries to fly out of my lips but my chest cold and sinus infected lungs won't work properly. I'm running as I'm screaming and time seems to stop but not the car and not my son. My heart sinks and I see an image in my head of my son being struck down by that car and his smiling face being gone from my life.
At the last moment, before Logan actually reached the road, my voice worked, "LOGAN STOP NOW!!". He stopped and stood laughing, as if it were a game and I was terrified he would continue running because of it. Then he saw the car (which was almost upon him) and watched it sail (FLY by, she and I are going to have a talk this afternoon, I'm going to see her and let her know there are children that live on our block. If that doesn't work I'm calling the county roadway director about getting a speed bump in front of my home) on by.
In retrospect, I should have done several things. I should never have let him walk away from me without holding my hand (we have a very large front yard he plays in usually whlie awaiting the bus) however and as I said, live in the country in a tiny subdivision, our road ends with a cul de sac. I should have pulled him down to my level to try and convey just how dangerous running toward the road is. But in the end, my son is autistic and he wouldn't have absorbed just how upset I was over his actions.
I ate my heart this morning. I haven't done that since Arwen turned blue and was rushed to the ER with RSV at 2 weeks old. It is something I won't forget and will mold the future of how I walk my son to greet the bus.
It occurred to me that when you need to scream, or run, or react, everything seems to freeze. It's as if time stops so you can absorb every detail of what is about to happen. I never want to experience that again. I'm hoping the lady down the road won't either when I'm finished dealing with her.
2 comments:
I'm so glad your son was ok. I have had a couple of moments like that where my kids have taken off towards the road. MY neighborhood used to be pretty quiet and safe, full of older retired people until recently, we got a new family renting down the road and they are... lets say "lively". Everytime my kids walk out to the driveway I go on high alert.
My son ran out one day while they were playing in the garage and all I kept picturing was that horrible moment in that movie "Pet Semetary" where the little boy gets hit by the truck.
Being a parent seems to knock 5 years off my life every few months.
Hi Sihaya,
The pet semetary moment is a good comparison. I don't even want to imagine the grey I'm going to have in the next few years!
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