Ramblings

All of the children are sick and so am I. We've got some cold that causes a terrible runny nose, watery eyes and coughing. Today I'm holding the fort with Vincent, Logan and Annabel - all sick. Fun times, I tell you.

So this weekend I hit up Hell-Mart. I had too many things to buy and since I was feeling like puke I was rushing through the aisles. I was passing the toy section when I spotted her, recognition sinking in as she turned. It was my ex's sister Crystal. I approached her and the child in her cart. She was warm and friendly, asking where my children were. She didn't introduce the little boy so I asked tentatively, "is this your son?"

It was her son she told me and I could by his look that something was off, through our conversation she told me he was 14 weeks premature. He was an adorable child and I told her so, smiling at him. Then Matthew's Mom appeared and I couldn't help but hug her. We were close in the 5 years her son and I were a couple, it was amazing seeing her again.

At first our conversation was easy, then it turned odd. Crystal mentioned Shelia was going to be a grandmother again, quickly dropping it after. I don't know for certain but I'm assuming Matthew is going to be a Father and the funny thing? If he is I couldn't be happier for him.

After we parted I wondered if I should have asked about him. I didn't at first because it just didn't seem right. How do you broach the subject?

"Hey, how is Matthew doing these days?"

But I owe this guy so much, it was our time together that molded the woman I am today and I mean that in the most sincere and appreciative way possible. If not for that relationship I wouldn't value what I have.

So the past few days I've been pondering what I could have said to convey that to them, so they know I want him to be happy. I hope in some way seeing me, watching me proudly share pictures of my family, explained what I couldn't find words for.