Two Men and a Wal-Mart

Dear Redneck Men who stood behind me at Wal-Mart,

First, I'd like to applaud you on your astute observations. Yes, it did appear that I was speaking to myself because yes, I was on a ear phone. I know it's a difficult concept to grasp. Conversations between people over digital phone lines is HUGE.

But it's the second thing I really want to thank you for. You know, when I leave my home with my little girl to visit the store for baby food, I don't dress up thinking I might score some toothless, wine guzzling fools who think I'll be so excited they think my "ass is meant for smacking" and things of that nature. Don't think I didn't hear you. I also thought that little thing you said while snickering and pointing at my daughter, "you've been busy" filled with sexual innuendo's was so classy. TOP NOTCH.

All I can say is this, pray I'm not alone the next time our paths cross. My daughter is the only thing that saved your crotch from my foot, shoving your balls into your throat and out your mouth.

Sincerely,

Going to "get busy" kicking your worthless ass

Ultimate BC Pill

Because I love you all and want to share a bit of my daily suffering I decided to upload this family gem onto my blog. This is an average day in my life - so fabulous, I know. (The poor schmuck you hear talking is Jimbo, it was his turn to wait inside the van while I ran into Hell-Mart for something)

Maybe I should submit this to America's funniest home videos. All that screaming should be worth 10,000 smackers.

No Rest for the Weary

Remember that little entry of mine entitled "Craptastic" where I shared my usual sleep time is around 4 hours that is constantly interrupted? Well, the sandman just jacked me again, thanks to that little bundle of joy named Annabel.

The last few weeks she has become increasingly difficult when it comes to sleep cycles. She wakes anywhere from 1-6 times per night. Each time I will check her and if she isn't wet will put her back to bed. She gets one nursing at her 12:00am wake-up (yes, like clockwork she wakes for this) and after that I've stopped giving it out. So she'll wake up and scream...and scream...and scream. Since she sleeps in our room this is problematic...we can't escape and therefore can't sleep.

Last night she screamed from 12:30 until 2:30 and I finally came downstairs on the couch. The sickness the kids shared with me forced me to go back up (while she was still screaming) at around 3:30. Around 4:15 I came back to the couch (she was still sqwalling) and passed out from exhaustion, waking up at 6:30 to start my day.

I'm at my wits end here. Crying it out obviously isn't working.

HIM - Bury Me Deep Inside Your Heart

I love this band and this song...it just makes me teary eyed for some reason. Give it a listen.

Ramblings

All of the children are sick and so am I. We've got some cold that causes a terrible runny nose, watery eyes and coughing. Today I'm holding the fort with Vincent, Logan and Annabel - all sick. Fun times, I tell you.

So this weekend I hit up Hell-Mart. I had too many things to buy and since I was feeling like puke I was rushing through the aisles. I was passing the toy section when I spotted her, recognition sinking in as she turned. It was my ex's sister Crystal. I approached her and the child in her cart. She was warm and friendly, asking where my children were. She didn't introduce the little boy so I asked tentatively, "is this your son?"

It was her son she told me and I could by his look that something was off, through our conversation she told me he was 14 weeks premature. He was an adorable child and I told her so, smiling at him. Then Matthew's Mom appeared and I couldn't help but hug her. We were close in the 5 years her son and I were a couple, it was amazing seeing her again.

At first our conversation was easy, then it turned odd. Crystal mentioned Shelia was going to be a grandmother again, quickly dropping it after. I don't know for certain but I'm assuming Matthew is going to be a Father and the funny thing? If he is I couldn't be happier for him.

After we parted I wondered if I should have asked about him. I didn't at first because it just didn't seem right. How do you broach the subject?

"Hey, how is Matthew doing these days?"

But I owe this guy so much, it was our time together that molded the woman I am today and I mean that in the most sincere and appreciative way possible. If not for that relationship I wouldn't value what I have.

So the past few days I've been pondering what I could have said to convey that to them, so they know I want him to be happy. I hope in some way seeing me, watching me proudly share pictures of my family, explained what I couldn't find words for.

Batteries not Included

Vincent has a problem.

He can't focus on his toys...

He can't play happily...

He can't be in a good mood...

All because -

Vincent has become fixated on batteries. Yes people, batteries.

It started a few weeks ago, he'd dig in the fridge for the batteries and play with them. I'd reprimand him and put them back only to find him digging around again minutes later. Now he's progressed to locating each and every item in our house that requires batteries and informing me:

"The batteries are dead!"

He's brought me toys, clocks, remotes, watches, and even the phone that wasn't charged. I hear that phrase probably 50 times a day. It's driving me insane. He even runs batteries down on his Thomas trains just to tell me the batteries are dead and to give him another.

I never thought in a million years I'd despise batteries.

Bright side of Life

I know everyone has moments in their life when they think:

"Why me??"

My moments have been coming around more and more often, especially in recent weeks. It's been a battle to keep a positive outlook. There are days when I am too tired to get out of bed but I do because the world doesn't revolve around me. My days are tied in with 4 other little lives and that keeps me on track most of the time.

The thing is, I really believe that some higher power sends people your way when these moments in life happen. These people can be strangers, family or someone you've met through an online venue such as a blog. And they have the ability to transcend the worries and chaos and bring a balance to your outlook.

So to my special person, thank you for lending your ear and thank you for being such a wonderful, caring and amazing person. I don't think I'd have survived the week without you. Now if I could just find the time to call so we could actually speak for a while sans kids - then all would be totally right with the world.

5 Years Old!!!

Super Powers

Jimbo: If you could have one super power what would it be?

Me: Hmmm, let me think a second. *pauses* What would you have?

Jimbo: I'd be able to fly.

Me: I'd be invisible, definitely.

Jimbo: Invisible? That's a lame super power.

Me: No it isn't, it's the most awesome super power in the world.

Jimbo (humoring me): Care to explain?

Me: Sure. What other power would allow me to go into movie theaters and snap people's phones off while they yapped away or better still, smack them on the head when they won't shut up. Now that would be a power worth having.

Jimbo: So basically you want a super power just so you can fuck with people?

Me: Pretty much.

Jimbo: Only you babe.

Repo! The Genetic Opera - Zydrate Anatomy

I have been anxiously awaiting this movie. I'm a huge fan of the Rocky Horror Picture Show and while this isn't exactly like that (more gore and violence) it's still right up my alley.

Check it out and see what you think, here is a short clip.

Craptastic

Thanks Mom, I know I sound 'Rough'. Maybe it's because-

I've averaged 3-4 hours of interrupted sleep for the last year.

I've changed 2 craptastic diapers this morning already.

The children destroyed the playroom while I was changing Annabel's outfit, meaning I haven't even had my cup of coffee.

The bus didn't come for Arwen and I had to load all the kids up to take her to school.

I'm still working on sorting the clothes in the children's bedrooms but don't worry, it's only taken me a week, I'm almost there.

The bathrooms are nasty so I get to do hardcore scrubbing Cinderella style - that always brightens my day.

Oh and the kitchen needs mopping - why don't the birds, mice and shit help me out when I need them?

So yeah, I sound rough. You might not want to call back today, I can't say there will be much improvement. But thanks.

Bog of Eternal Stench

There comes a point in every Mom's life when she wishes for one thing and one thing only - a potty trained child.

My two oldest did pretty well, Logan especially all things considered. And now it's Vincent's turn. He is 3 years old but soon he'll be 4 which means this diaper business has got to go. He has ZERO interest in the toilet and the more I sit him on the throne the less he wants to be there.

The problem isn't actually sitting like a prince on the crapper, he hops up there like a champ. Thing is, he immediately wipes, smiles and says "ALL DONE!" proudly. There is no business being taken care of, no deposit of any sort and I don't know how to get him there.

My nose hair has fallen out from the diaper induced stench. I'm hoping for progress at this point but praying for miracles.

Someone needs to get a GRIP

Nothing beats drama, unless of course it's good internet drama, or better still, good internet drama by rabid Twilight fans.

So here's the deal, after Breaking Dawn's release one week ago the camps have been split in two:

The Breaking Fails v/s The OMGBreakingDawnisthebomb!

Basically, you either love it or hate it. Sure there is middle ground but it's pretty sparse in comparison. I've been browsing (and partaking) in some heated debates on the Amazon.com threads and it gets as hot as a june bride bareback on a hot stove. Many people are passionate about the books, stating (as I have):

Twilight is a Trilogy

Many wish Breaking Down, excuse me, Breaking Dawn never existed. And then it got ugly. The Twilight Lexicon which is a base for fans to meet and discuss the books has rewritten it's "manifesto". It contains juicy nuggets like this:

1. The Twilight Saga is comprised of four books. It is not a trilogy. You may have wished that the books stopped at three, but they didn’t, and this site is a fan site for all the books in the Twilight Saga. We firmly stand by the canon as established in all four books. It all really happened. If you want to pretend Breaking Dawn never happened, that’s fine, but on this website there are no banners, avatars, sigs to that effect, and discussion acknowledges and concedes that all events contained in the four volume series exists. Denial of canon has no place on this website.

It's would be idiotic if it weren't so damned funny.

Here's a thread about it: Fails So Bad

When Grandma goes to Court

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi Grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial a southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness.

"Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why yes, I know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy and quite frankly, you are a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes I know you."

The lawyer was stunned, not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked:

"Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster too. He's lazy, bigoted and has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes I know him."

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and in a very quiet voice said:

"If either of you idiots ask her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair."

Best Quote Ever!!

Brillant Strategy, thanks Napoleon!!

Tom Servo From Mystery Science Theater. Spoken after Ruth's space tube opens to a mutant attacking her and she is instructed to "Run, Ruth, Run!!"

Birthdays & School Days

The 1st Birthday, she's grown so quickly!!


Before we know it, she'll be in school. Here's Arwen's picture, she started 1st grade this year!

Breaking Dawn Pt. 2

Since Tania posted, I think it's safe to review why I disliked the book so much. Warning, it does contain spoilers!!!

Initially, I thought I'd enjoy the read very much. The wedding scene is sweet, still in tune with the previous novels. They go onto their honeymoon, still the same. I expected any type of love scene to be faded to black so that didn't bother me. But I noticed immediately in the concerns of bruises from their love making her talk of "hunger" and "fatigue". Oh no, I said to myself. Please god don't go there with this book. Don't make it a cliche...and then it happened and I boarded the Breaking Dawn express train to hell.

There are several things I dislike about the book. The major problem being it's not written the same, doesn't feel the same and doesn't treat the characters the same as it's predecessors. Jasper gets a new nickname, as does Rosalie. You never hear anything from the Cullen's other than random observations or chuckles. There are no believable romantic elements between the protagonists (endless "talks" of sex is not romance) and the story warped after the birth, switching to a Mary Jane-esk scifi/paranormal story I couldn't believe I was reading.

There were the plot holes (how did she get pregnant? and how did Alice know exactly where to find more of Renesmee's kind?), lazy writing (why didn't Carlisle just insert that blood into her started IV?), and various other things a person thinks of after they've closed the book.

The baby was an easy way to zip this book up. It gave Stephenie the chance to end the book neatly.

Nessie - Bella has to be transformed by Edward, he can't cop out or she will die.
Nessie - Her pregnancy forces Jacob to break from his pack so he can be around to tell his
portion of the story.
Nessie - Imprints with Jacob - neatly finishing out his story.
Nessie - Threatens the Volturi - got to have angst, even if nothing comes from it.

And that's what it all comes back to, convenience. Because after all is said and done, we never even get a bitch slap. Instead Bella throws out her super "love" shield and saves the day. Everyone goes home happy, Huzzah!!

I have to ask, where the hell was that "love shield" on their honeymoon, it might have saved the series! LOL

Is it ok?

I put the dog outside for peeing on the floor. So it's ok to do the same for my son, right?

Mom Confession of the Week

There are such things as vampires. I currently have 4 living under my roof and they are slowly sucking the life out of me.

That Does It!!!

All last week I begged, I pleaded, I explained and I even went so far as to show my daughter and sons how to clean up after themselves. I told them repeatedly that if they didn't make the effort to clean after themselves, I was throwing their things directly into the trash.

Today was a long day, full of crying and fussing, arguments and tantrums. Then at nap time they wouldn't go down, waking Annabel. I walked up the stairs and was greeted by the biggest mess the world has ever seen.

And I snapped.

I walked downstairs and grabbed several trash bags and proceeded to Arwen's room where I started grabbing and stuffing anything and everything I found. She asked me what I was doing and I responded, "teaching you a very valuable lesson". She started screaming and yelling so I did what she had coming, I busted that hiney and then returned to my task.

I have emptied her room of every object laying on the floor out of place, including her video games. They are currently sitting in garbage bags. I have decided that we will NOT purchase anymore toys for any of the children. The boys rooms are next as well as the playroom.

Their next shopping excursions over the next couple of months will entail good behavior in exchange for ONE thing. And if they keep making messes I will continue to bag it up. I'm sure the goodwill has plenty of children who would love to take advantage of my children's wastefulness.

Breaking Dawn

Breaking Dawn. Bought it at 12:00am this morning. Stayed up all night reading it.

.

I don't know what Steph was a smoking but she totally ruined the series with this book so do yourself a favor, stop at Eclipse and make up your own ending. You'll be much happier - trust me.