School Money

As you probably gather, I don't know a heck of alot about school and how it works. My daughter is currently initiating me on the ups and downs. At first I was excited. I would get to do homework with my daughter and plan out her snacks and meals daily (and help out when I have the opportunity at school). The one thing my silly little brain didn't take into account was money and just how much the school would be asking for...

First I should mention, the institution our daughter attends is a private one that we pay for and it isn't cheap.

Ok first I have to buy things that coincide with being in a private school: uniforms. We forked out over $300 smackers for this, then we had to buy the school supplies, lunch box and sleeping mat, so that was another $100 or so, we'd figured on that too.

We get a letter in the mail asking for $25 to "buy supplies to help the class". Of course I'm confused since I just bought the school supplies in the first place, what supplies exactly do they mean and how will it go toward benefiting Arwen? We passed on this. Then we went to the parent/kindergarten meeting. Here we had to write a check for $9.95 to cover magazine costs for the year. Then we were asked to donate $10 or more to the PTO and then were directed to a board that had "items we'd like to have for the school" which had to be purchased in bulk at pretty high prices. We paid the magazine fee and passed yet again.

Then today I get an email asking for money again and this time people to volunteer for the lunch room (they've asked this numerous times in each email) and also someone to volunteer as head over sports and planning. So I've started to wonder...

Where exactly is the huge amount they are being paid PER student to attend this school going? At first I assumed naturally it would pay the staff and costs for the building, etc. But shouldn't some of those funds go to fund items and staff the school needs? Isn't it somehow wrong to expect people to continue to dig deeper and deeper into their pockets as well as their time after forking over checks monthly?

Perhaps it's due to the fact that this is a Catholic School and most of the families belong to that parish. Many of them are very well off (this is apparent when I see all those new shiny vehicles, chanel sunglasses and coach purses galore) and I suppose digging into their check books isn't an issue. For average Mom of 4 here it is however.

I want to do what's best for my daughter and her school yet I just can't justify paying all that extra money for things the school should provide (at least partially) from the money they receive from tuition. I'm fairly certain sadly that this trend asking for money won't stop in the near future.

I should also add, I would be more than happy to volunteer my time but have been told the school can't use help when you have one or more toddlers in tow. I suppose I should welcome myself to the world of being a school Mom huh?

It's called Autism!

It started out innocently enough. As a baby Logan didn't cry to be held, he didn't cry much at all in fact. He loved to be in his bouncer, a combination of a travel bassinet that raised up so he could see around. When his father or I would hold him he would become fussy after a short time and when we placed him back in his bouncer, he was happy again.

As he grew and became a toddler, he smiled and laughed. I became pregnant very early on with his younger brother, so perhaps I missed something along the way, I'm not sure. But by the time Vincent arrived, Logan had began to change somewhat, yet we didn't become alarmed. He enjoyed playing with his cars and we just figured he didn't want to play dolls with his sister. Then we noticed he stopped making eye contact, began keeping to himself and wouldn't respond when we called out to him.

At first my husband and I assumed he might have hearing issues (we thought he was actually deaf). We could stand directly behind him and yell his name and it would get zero response. We took him to a NET Dr. They sent us to have his hearing checked in a very hi-tech booth (which is VERY hard to do with a 2 year old) and it came back totally fine. We were at a loss, what was wrong with our child?

My mother in law saw a commercial around this time about autism and asked me if I'd seen it. She told me the child made her think of Logan. It took some time but I finally was referred (I wish I could recall by whom, I think it was my friend Kelly) to a program called Early Intervention. Their program deals with childhood developmental delays until the age of 3 and then helps place children in programs to help them with their needs. Our care coordinator and two workers came out to evaluate Logan. It didn't take long to discover he has high functioning autism.

At first I beat myself up. Was this my fault? Why didn't I catch it sooner? But eventually we got him into the program and shortly after he began a school like program part-time. The change was drastic. He began to speak (he still only uses 1 two 2 word commands, sometimes we get lucky and he will place 2 to 3 words together, such as "where are you?") socialize with the family and show affection again. It took some time but as a parent I am so grateful to see my child be a part of our family and not sit to the outside any longer.

Which brings me to the point of my blog. For some reason, there are still people in my family that function under the thinking that my child is mentally retarded. I've explained to these people time and again that Logan doesn't have any form of retardation, that he has a social and speech developmental delay caused by his autism. They shrug me off and the next time we speak they will ask how he is doing in "slow school". It's infuriating!

One of the main offenders is my very own Grandmother. I try to keep my cool and remember that she is getting on in age and is somewhat senile but it's very difficult. She constantly compares my son to her grandchild Jessica that was born with mild mental retardation. The two are nothing alike.

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It's hard for me as it is without worrying over people assuming my child is "retarded". (and for the record, even if he were, it wouldn't be ok say it so lightly) I already have to deal with the stares I get from parents standing waiting to eat lunch with their children and watching as my tiny toddler comes down the hall from his class (he is so small compared to the regular school children).

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I adore my Son. Hearing things like this or watching people in the family stare at him during get togethers when he softly (he speaks VERY softly) gives a one word command irritate me to no end. He isn't slow, stupid, or retarded people! It's called Autism!!!

I realize that in our society nowadays, anything goes and this is probably something I need to just get used to and move on. Everyone views things differently I suppose...like my father for example. To this very day he swears nothing is wrong with my son...since he spent the weekend with them months ago and my son followed a young boy visiting them around and mimicked what he said. I've tried to explain that copying behavior isn't a sign that he can do things on his own unprompted but my own father shrugs this off too.

Maybe it's a generational thing? Who knows (I wish I did).

It begins...

My daughter has found her "attitude". I've been told by others facing the same problem in the past "you just wait, you'll see". I always smiled and gave a laugh while thinking to myself "that will never happen to me, my daughter is an angel". Well let me tell you, I was delusional, I now see the light.

Arwen has always been a tomboy. I figured that would keep her pretty down to earth. I mean how prissy and bossy can you be while looking around outside for bugs? She began getting the 'tude a few months ago. I'd blindly hoped it was due to her not being a morning person (like her role model Mom here) and we could share our spiteful nature in the morning (and hopefully not kill one another as the years progress) but alas it is just not so. She is sour and ugly the entire day. Morning is just another time to get down right pissy.

I've taken away privledges, threatened and sent to her room, hell I've even spanked. Nothing works. She cries and screams (sometimes in a fine display of control she will throw herself in the floor, it's a sight) and when done returns to do the exact same thing that got her into trouble in the first place.

A part of me wonders if this is my punishment. I've been judgemental in the past when seeing absolute terrors in public with their parents and thought, "not me" or "why don't they bust that butt?" I realize now how stupid that thinking is. Some kids don't "get it" no matter what you do. Or maybe it's just us select few unfortunate parents that judged in the past that are getting a wake up call from the guy upstairs.

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No blog would be complete without a "story" to explain just how bad the situation in question is. So here you go:

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Yesterday I get a sitter and leave an hour before Arwen is due to be released from school. I get there first and am so excited to be first in line to pick up my little girl. When school releases it takes a bit to finally get her (that is another story for another day) and when she sees me she starts throwing an absolute fit "I'm thirsty!!!!!!!!!" I tell her to please calm down and try to keep my own cool while also watching my child throw a tantrum in front of other parents. I get her into the car and drive to McD's to get the child a sprite. During this time she has calmed (or else no sprite for her, no way) but as soon as she gets a draft of that frosty beverage up she starts again. "I don't like my teacher, she is mean! I don't like my hair, you did it wrong!!"..you get the point. I warn her repeatedly, "Arwen, if you don't stop, you're going to your room when we get home". Nothing works.

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Finally we reach the road that leads to our home and she starts yet again. I tell her this time "either you stop right now or I'm pulling over and you're getting a spanking". She replies, "no you won't".

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Needless to say, I pulled the car over, walked around the car, opened her door and gave a firm slap toward her leg. Sadly I smacked the seat belt clasp instead but I'd proven my point. She stared at me as if to say "wow! she actually DID pull over".

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Then I leaned close and whispered "next time I'm pulling YOU out of the car". I stood and put my hair back into place before turning around to see some person standing on their porch. I kept my head held high and walked back to the drivers side to slide into the car again. (I still have my pride damn it!)

School Days

Today was our daughter's very first day of kindergarten. I didn't get alot of sleep last night so it took a few minutes to wake up* (I woke immediately when I realized I had to do her hair and pack her lunch and snack) and get in gear.

I got her looking pretty and took some pictures at then it hit me, my baby isn't a baby anymore. I'm not sure when she got so big or so grown up. She looked at me with those beautiful browns and that winning smile and I wanted to tear up. I held it back and told her how lovely she looked and gave her tons of kisses.

Jimbo just called to tell me that it was equally hard for him when he dropped her off in class. He said she was totally fine and seemed excited to be there. I'm not sure if this will ever become easier, no matter how many times we do it. In fact I think by the time Annabel starts kindergarten I'll be a wreck.

Time sure does pass quickly. Blink and you'll certainly miss something.

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*due to Annabel's night owl ways, she kept me up all night long. Don't you love sleep deprevation?

Kids, school and a Van

Since the topics are so different I wanted to blog about this seperately.

My oldest child starts school this year! The big Kindergarden girl. I'm worried sick and nervous which confuses me since she attended pre-school for a year. I should be used to her leaving in the morning and returning in the afternoon but I'm not. Perhaps it is due to the fact that this school is VERY different from her pre-school.

We have placed her into a private catholic school in the city. The school has a great reputation for excellence (which is why we placed her there) and values. The only problem is my daughter is VERY stubborn and independant. She's began to push the boundaries here at home and I really worry she will be that one problem child in her class.

We went to her Kindergarden orientation and I sat worried as the teacher explained she is very strict and the children will probably come home and complain that entire first week because of it. She told us that she starts out hard and stays that way or the children will walk all over her and the class. She then explained the "fish" that each child has and how they are taken for each infraction. Basically there are cardboard fishes that each child has in their number slot. For each time they get into trouble a fish is taken. The fish are colored: Green then Yellow then Red then Black. Black means a trip to the office to call home...I have a sinking fear she will reach black within the first week alone...perhaps the first day.

Then my 4 year old son with high functioning autism starts his school the very next week full time. I'm very very nervous about this. He will go in at 8am and get out at 3pm. This is a long day for a 4 year old and I don't know how well he will take the change.

These two things bring me to an important issue. Jimbo and I got out last weekend and made a very very important purchase. We bought a minivan. We'd argued for a time over getting an SUV over a van. Jimbo doesn't like minivans at all. He pushed hard to get an SUV and I shopped around for one. Too bad the prices alone were out of our budget but the gas mileage was just crazy. So he caved and we began the search.

The first weekend we went was a bust. We found a Dodge Caravan that we liked with low mileage but it had a "thump thump" when you hit 50 and the dealer wouldn't fix it so we moved on. On the way home we drove by a place and I saw some vans and we almost didn't turn around as we were tired and wanted to get home. Good thing we stopped. For sale was a very nice and small Mazda minivan. It caught my eye immediately since it didn't "look" like other vans we'd shopped and when I looked inside I was in love. Leather interior, sliding seats, and more than enough room for our children (plus the side windows roll down, the back seats fold to make more room and did I mention it is smaller?). The mileage was a bit higher than the 100k I'd wanted but not so much that we didn't inquire inside. The dealer was closing but told us to come back Monday and gave us a card.

We came back Monday and got to take a look inside and take the van for a test drive. We drove it to my fathers shop and put it on the rack. All looked great and for the price (this MPV was priced thousands of dollars LESS than all the others for sale that didn't have leather interior) we just couldn't pass it up, so we went inside and made the deal and now she sits pretty in our driveway.

Luckily we just paid off our Toyota Camry and have decided to keep her as well since she only has 85k miles and is a wonderful car. Jimbo bought her for me for my birthday 4 years ago.

So I am now an offical minivan Mom and have the car pictured above to prove it! Now to prepare for sitting in the long pick up lines at school!!

Back on track

After months of fear, nervousness and sheer worry our family has welcomed a healthy baby girl into the fold. Annabel was born on July 20th and weighed 7lbs 13oz and is 20 inches long. She has no symptoms of being diabetic and her thyroid functions perfectly. She is everything a parent could want and prays for. We are so thrilled that she is here and doing well.

The birth was difficult. I was induced 3 weeks early due to being dialted between 4-5 and 50% effaced. Since we live an hour from the nearest hospital, I went in that morning and got all set up. My IV was started, water broken and pitocin pushed, followed afterward by my epidural. Then things started to go downhill. I started feeling like my heart was going to pound out of my chest. Since I have anxiety attacks I assumed that was what I was experiencing...until my nurse came rushing into the room to check my moniter. She immediately asked me to lay on my left side. Jimbo nervously stood nervously at my side and held my hand. I was somewhat out of it from the phenegren and nubain I was given but each time I looked at his face I could tell something wasn't right. His face stayed glued to my moniters.

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I found out my heart rate was increasing from 70-80 all the way to 120-130 in the course of 30 seconds to a minute. Meanwhile Annabels heart rate was decreasing with dipping variables. After a few minutes I was given an oxygen mask and told to keep it on and was flipped from side to side. I then began to shake violently. I couldn't stop for the life of me. I started to get really frightened. Jimbo tried to hold it together but I could tell he was worried as well. Thankfully increasing my pitocian worked and Annabel came quickly after. Two pushes and she entered the world.

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I also experienced some problems with my tubal. I was never really told what to expect from the procedure. At the beginning I was told by my OB that I could have the tubal done directly after the delivery and that they could do this while I was still on the epidural medications. This didn't happen however and I found myself scheduled for surgery the next day. I was extremely nervous and months of worry caused me to have a breakdown that very morning. The RN that was to give me my IV (they had to remove the one I already have due to it pulling and causing major discomfort) wouldn't listen to me when I told her repeatedly that my veins roll and she would blow the ones on my hand. Instead she picked the exact one I told her would blow (in her words "that vein is so juicy") and proceeded to do just that. I suppose given all the stress built up a meltdown was bound to happen sooner or later and a little something like a blown vein was all it took. I tried to fight the tears but the more I tried the worse it became. The nurse hurried out of my room and went in search of my delivery nurse. They discussed at length if I was certain I wanted to go through with the ligation. They worried I was forcing myself to have the procedure and that was causing my distress. After I explained the huge amount of stress I'd experienced the last few months and just how certain I was about the tubal, I was given ativan to calm my nerves and went ahead with the procedure.

I awoke to pain and tons of it. I can't recall too much, just my husband stroking my hair, pain filled darkness and my nurse telling me more than once "Jaime, take a deep breath". (I found out later they gave me 3 doses of morphine for pain and had to stop and give me diluted because I started to have low respirations) Eventually I was carted on a bed and moved back to my room. I'm still trying to recover from the surgery and I'd like to take a moment to encourage all my fellow women out there...if your doctor asks if you'd like the Laparoscopy or the mini Laparotomy go with the Laparoscopy. I got the mini and it's so painful it's not even funny and it takes a couple of weeks (at least) to recover fully.

So now we are home. I'll be blogging from time to time about some of my medical junk since I still have a thyroid to fix but mostly I'm going to attempt to get back on track and blog about my family. There is so much going on here and so much to keep up with. Arwen starts kindergarden, Logan starts attending his special needs school full time. Jimbo will be dropping off Arwen and picking her up while I will drag Annabel and Vincent out with me to take Logan to and from his program. I'm sure it sounds much easier than it will actually be.

On a side note, be sure to check back often. Jimbo and I recently went to Arwen's parent/kindergarden orientation and it was interesting to say the least. I can already feel that tension I've read about between parents on other blogs. Every person I tried to talk to either looked at me like I had no teeth or gave a fake smile before turning and walking away. I'm not sure if it's because we are younger than most the parents there or if it's because we are not members of the parish. One thing is for sure, I always said I'd never let it bother me like it bothers other Mom's (from other blogs I've read) but I have to admit once you're standing in that situation...it's hard not to let it bother you.

Will we fit in with the "cool" parents? You'll have to check back and see.

My Absence

It's been so long since I've blogged. It's not because I haven't wanted to blog or that I've had nothing to say, I wish that were the opposite actually.

I don't want to make this particular post too long but alot has happened in my life and I have a huge gambit of emotions. I'm angry, anxious, and above all sick and tired (and I mean that literally).

After months of begging my OB to do something about this horrible fatigue and migraines, I finally broke down and took matters into my own hands and went to a Neurologist. Before I get to that I need to mention that I went in a month ago for my glucose tolerance screen...it came back abnormal and I do have gestational diabetes. I sought help from a Neuro after finding out about the diabetes and being informed by my OB that the constant headaches (that last for days and days) were not caused by it and I got his usual "why don't we just wait and see" response.

I was so pissed after my stress test 2 weeks ago I contacted a Neuro and got an appointment. I went in and saw her on Tuesday and had some minor tests done in the office and some blood work done. The headaches she thinks are from two muscles in my neck being inflamed and aggrivated, I start physical therapy for this next week. She believes on top of the headaches I also get migraines, hence them never truly going away. She wrote me a prescription for Demerol and Zofran. I was nervous about taking the medication but left with some hope that finally I would have some answers about my health. Little did I know that the floodgates were about to open....

It appears my OB hasn't been doing his job or having the lab run important screens on me. Aside from extreme anemia, I also have a severe vitamin B12 deficency (which goes hand and hand with the anemia). I have to start a regimen of daily shots for this immediately. To top that I found out I have hyperthyroidism.

Basically, my body is producing too little thyroid hormones and it's causing my thyroid to overwork itself to compensate (sounds weird I know) and it's causing all of this fatigue, hair loss, anxiety, insomnia, depression, you name it. All of it can be directly linked back to my thyroid. Needless to say I'm pissed beyond belief that my OB made me think that all these symptoms were A. All in my head or B. Caused by the fact that I'm a SAHM with 3 kids. He totally ignored my repeated pleas for action and blew me off, I probably wouldn't have found any of this out until after I had the baby and the sickness still hung around.

The next few weeks are going to be tough. I'm trying to regulate my sugar so I don't need insulin and I'm taking tons of vitamins and iron for the anemia. Depending on the next batch of tests I'll be started on a hormone for the thyroid and will have to take that from there. Most of this will have to be put on hold until the baby is born.

It's sad when you lose faith in your doctor. I've been seeing the same OB's for 10 years now and after this baby is born I will have to find another. It saddens me but I refuse to put myself in this situation with him again. Were it not for the fact that I'm so far along now and only have 7 weeks left I'd be shopping around for another OB to deliever this baby.

So that's it in a nutshell. I hope to start blogging on a normal basis soon since I'd truly hoped to have this as a reflection of my pregnancy and the baby.

All good vibes are appreciated.