Monday, March 16, 2009

Rough Night

I slept horribly. Each time I closed my eyes it was the same thing - reliving the events that transpired hours beforehand.

I went back and re-read my previous post. In retrospect, it seems very Jerry Springerish. Fighting with relatives as an adult. I always imagined I might have issues in my life with my marriage, not with those I have been surrounded by a good portion of my life.

My poor Father is also feeling the sting. My Mother is terrified we are going to press charges and she will "lose her security clearance". So early this morning she got dressed (along with my Sister) and drove up to the court house to make sure Jimbo didn't go up there to file something against her. What's laughable (insert sarcasm here) is that Jimbo also has to have clearance for his job as well. I suppose it's fine if he loses his income because of her antics but her livelihood off limits.

I don't know which is worse. Her total lack of regard of our needed income (if he loses his clearance we're in the shit) or the fact she's so mental she actually drove up to the court house this morning on the off chance he was going there. By the way, doesn't that classify as a form of harassment? Or is it considered stalking?

I told my Father we are not pressing charges but she needs to leave me the hell alone. I told him I can't take it anymore. He agrees that would be best for all involved.


Right now I'm in a dark place. I don't know what to do. I'm seriously considering contacting someone to go talk to. I've never spoken with someone before (i.e. counseling) but right now I need to let this out.

I'm tired of being afraid and of being cornered and threatened, and I'm tired of worrying something might happen to my Mother or Sister and I'll regret losing that time we could have "gotten along" because I put a fork in them.

But sometimes you have to concede and accept that this is the way things have to be. Right?


Lawfrog said...

Right! One of the hardest things to do is to see people for who they really are. The titles our family members are afforded by virtue of being blood related are often terribly misleading. The word "sister" or "mother" conjures up a particular definition of behavior/relationship that may not be at all accurate.

In this case, both of these people sound like they are not stable. It would be nice if they fit the definition of sister/mother that is kind and decent, but they do not. This means you could never have had that "getting along" time regardless. Understanding that and coming to terms with it will take some time.

In the meantime, do seek counseling to help you through this. It's never easy to face the harsh reality that our family members are not who we want them to be. HUGS!!

Tania said...

I think counseling would help you cope with all this. But I also think your mom and sister need help. Has all this just risen, or have they always been like that?

Kristin said...

Ugh. I am so sorry you went through this on your birthday. After reading you for years & knowing how hard it's been for you to separate from the "but she's my mom" mentality", I really hope that this stuff stops - for your sake. Nobody needs family like this.

I also think counseling will do wonders on working through this issue. It had for me.