And the wait begins....

Time is a funny thing. It is either something you love or something you hate. At the moment I don't like time much.

The trip to see the OB specialists is on March 5th, a full week away. After that day finally arrives I will have to wait an additional 7-9 days to get the results of my amnio. A large part of me wants to shout at these people "do you not realize that we are on a tight schedule here?? I'm almost 5 months preggo people!!" But there is no one to scream or rant at, only a letter in the mail requesting information. I'm actually going to make a call today to make sure the amnio will be set for me on that day.

My one aggrivation is my OB and his staff. They are the most uncaring and unsympathetic people imaginable. Everytime I call to find out a test result or to ask a question I can tell it annoys them. It's really sad when you don't want to call the one person that can give you answers since you're treated like an inconvience. I think I'll be finding another OB after this.

Another suck ass thing is my migraines have gotten worse and they are totally stress related. Anytime I get stressed out I get them and boy I've hit the motherload. There isn't much I can take but I do have some pain meds I take when it's unbearable, which is pretty often since the "news".

Jim and I are having a really hard time deciding what to do. We realize that we have to think of our children and how the choices made will impact them. I'm just fortunate that I still realize something isn't right and the baby still hasn't kicked. It's easier to make an informed decision when you can step back and think things clearly and logically. I don't want to distance myself from any of the reality of what is occuring but I do want to make my decisions based on the harsh truths that we're facing.

I'm going to get a shower and do some cleaning and watch the clock tic by one second at a time in between.

Your results came back abnormal.

Within two weeks of finding out I was pregnant, I felt something wasn't "right". I can't explain exactly how I felt or what warranted that inner voice telling me this but it did. For a month I shook it off, thinking it was nothing. My second OB visit no heartbeat was detected but I was assured this is normal that early on (which I knew being a 3 time Mom). During the wait for the next OB visit I let my husband in on the secret. "Something isn't right, something feels wrong" I told him. He was worried too and went with me the 3rd visit...and we heard a heartbeat, going strong at 153. "That is such a wonderful sound" I said and I watched Jim stop holding his breath. But still, even as this happened, that nagging voice told me "something still isnt' right". So when my OB came in and I told him this, he asked about the Triple test and my interest in getting one. (I'd refrained on getting these in the past except for one time and during that time it was more or less the first child and fear of spina bifida since it runs in the family, no "bad" feelings occurred then). I agreed to take the test and went off and donated the blood necessary.

Almost a week later, I get a call from my OB. He tells me "we got the results from your lab and they came back abnormal." I tried not to cry as I've braced myself with the knowledge for months now that something was wrong but I couldn't hold it back. He told me there is a chance of a false positive and wanted me to see someone to have a Ultrasound II and possibly a amnio if the ultrasound shows problems. So the entire day I waited and got the call the next day for my appointment in Birmingham next month.

This is without a doubt one of the hardest things I've ever faced in my life. Decisions have to be made and I have to step out of my own personal box and look at things from the perspective of my children. I have to take all things into account and what to do.

The amnio will not tell you exactly how "bad" Downs Syndrome will be or what other problems may be. It will only tell you for certain if the baby has Downs Syndrome (or what chromosome disorder we are dealing with). So the major choices still come down to you.

I ask for any prayers you can offer. I'll try to post between now and then...but it all depends on the circumstances. Mothers intuition is an amazing thing.

Sick kids and a temptation to kill the dog...

The best part of having 3 young children is that they pass sickness back and forth between each other very well. First my daughter had the funk, then she passed it on to her other brother who passed it on to the youngest brother. They all have runny noses, hacking coughs and fevers to boot. Gotta love it.

While dealing with this has been joy enough, I'm also blessed with our family pet, Ceazar. Ceazar belonged to my hubbie before we married and at first glance is a lovely looking critter. He's a 'red-tipped' Bassett hound around 7 years old. A little over a year ago, Ceazar got sick and $700 later in vet bills he went from being an outdoor dog to an indoor one and my life has been a nightmare ever since.

Don't get me wrong, I love animals, but this dog...maybe it's just not my breed. For one, he STINKS and I mean STINKS. He just carries this nasty hound odor and it makes me gag (especially in my first trimester). Moving on to the second complaint, he SHEDS. He sheds worse than a cat, his fur is everywhere. It doesn't matter how often we brush and wash, he still smells and sheds everywhere.

Now lets talk about his disposition. If I'd wanted a pet that doesn't listen, I'd have gotten a cat. Ceazar understands what you tell him but his royal majesty never listens. Case in point, the couches. He knows he isn't allowed on them but everytime a couch is left open for his fat ass to climb on there I find him sleeping. I immediately yell and knock him off but it doesn't matter. He just repeatedly does this over and over. He has his own bed to rest on but of course it's not good enough, he expects to live large.

When the couch isn't an issue his 'counter cruising' is. This dog will try to stand on his stubby back legs to get any food off the counter. He was actually successful in snatching a pizza (which was cooling to eat) off the table and proceded to eat it. I was livid. Thank god hubbie got to the dog before me, I was out for blood. He also loves to sit at the top of the stairs when the gate to the basement is closed hoping he can sneak by when we go up or down to look for food here. It drives me INSANE. Or better yet, his constant scratching that echos throughout the house in an annoying "thump, thump, thump....thumpthumpthumpthumpthump." There are other things, the licking himself at night in our bedroom (which wakes me and the hubbie often) or the falls caused by him not moving out of the way. I'm telling you, this dog is a winner .

The best part? He does this every single day. This stinky, shedding, lazy ass mutt acts stupid and tries to get by with whatever he wants. If he's outside (god forbid he stay outside, he's not meant for the outdoors!) he will whine...and whine...and whine. I purposely put him outdoors during dinner due to the searching for food. It's annoying when you're trying to eat and the dog is shoving the chairs around looking for a morsel. (Which let me add, he eats often and well, he's getting quite chubby) So I've started placing him outside where he will sit and serenade us with his high pitched whine until I break and open the door and throw a large glass of water into his face. If you have a dog that needs punishment give it a go, he takes off running everytime and I can feed my family in peace.

I've spoken with my hubbie about giving the dog away and he doesnt' say much so I know he doesn't want to. So I'll continue to live with the pest until his time comes and thereafter will never own another Bassett.

For those of you that love the breed, god bless ya. I'm glad to know that there are people that appreciate this kind of dog. Me personally? I'll take an English Springer any day of the week. I guess it's all in preference and what you're looking for in a pet.

/rant off, time for naps!