Friday, November 21, 2008


I can only blame myself for the things I'm about to bitch about, after all, I chose to go see the first showing of Twilight in my area at 11:59pm last night. The minute we arrived and picked our tickets up from the little machine (thank goodness for pre-ordering) I knew we were in trouble. The lot was full and tween's were EVERYWHERE.

Before I start, let me say, I enjoyed the movie. However, as far as films go - it's pretty weak. That's not saying I didn't like it, I did. The problem is, as my dear husband pointed out after I asked how he liked it - "uh, well - it's just a vampire love story. It's okay." Sometimes things just don't translate all that well to the screen (so the lion fell in love with the lamb - favorite line in the story, it made me cringe in the movie). Oh - Robert Pattinson is amazing here, he did an incredible job portraying Edward. It's too bad he's just become the poster boy for Bop magazine!

So without further ado, here is a rundown of what it's like to see Twilight at the first showing, among tweens that should be home in bed.

We get there and immediately notice the 'I Heart Edward' t-shirts, Bella and Edward Forever! stickers on shirts (worn by 20 year old young men no less) and people carrying copies of their Twilight books in hand. We wait to get into the last theater, watching in awe at the number of 8-10 year olds accompanying their very responsible parents, eventually getting our seats and settling in. I should also mention the very smart adolescent males out in force, attending in groups of 3-4, attempting to flesh them out some horny teenage girls looking for a real life Edward (sorry guys, hate to break it to you - you ain't him and you never will be to these girls!)

We arrived early and during that hour we are subjected to a contest for Twilight buttons and pictures, during which time tweens lose their shit, screeching and fighting over pieces of metal and paper. Camera's came out, pictures were snapped left and right, the blubber and hubbub was incredible. People bickered over who was hotter, Edward or Jacob and girl's acted in the exact ways I hated in high school. (I just know I'm going to be cursed and Arwen or Annabel will act like a total airhead, saying things like "I'm totally hyped up dude!")

Eventually the dust settled and the movie started and things got really good!

The very second Edward glides into the background of the screen, the girls started to squeal, swooning so loudly Jimbo looks over at me with wide eyes screaming OMGWTF! (okay he didn't look exactly like that, more like 'are you serious?!') This continues for the rest of the show. Edward could have farted and the girls would faint (not joking either) and when he's around Bella, saying such sweet nothings, I heard many a virgins lose their proverbial cherry.

This morning I woke up tired (getting to bed at 2:45) and my first thought was - how many school absences are going to get marked down this morning and how many parents will lie for their children (and themselves) when the school calls to say Sue or Johnny didn't make it in to school this morning? My second thought was - I have to do this all over again since my Mother-in-Law wants to see it as well and I promised to go back with her.

Hopefully if we wait a week it won't be so bad - right? Who am I kidding, this ship is going down Titanic style. Complete with Leo worshipers and their Mothers. Bah!


Lawfrog said...

LOL! I love your description of the opening night. Alas, those poor teenage boys looking for hottie girls who are looking for there's a novel in and of itself.

When I went to see the Tour of Gymnastics Superstars here in Houston, I got Jonathan Horton's autograph and as he was walking away, several young teeny boppers swarmed him and then, when they went back to their seats, they were literally shaking and saying "OMG, he touched me!!"

Dear Lord, I hope I was never that stupid as a tween/teen.