Life moves Along

The kids are in bed and I've been at the computer catching up on some youtube. I saw Susan had come by and I went to check on her blog. She had an entry that truly made my heart shatter. I struggled with exactly what to say but for a number of reasons just couldn't say anything. Who am I to talk about trying to imagine her loss?

I think each day about Mother's and families like Susan who deal with the death of a child. Death is horrible when it strikes any family but I imagine it's much worse in cases such as these. You hear people all the time that make statements like, "I would die if something happened to my child", or "I wouldn't want to go on living". I've said the same things before. But I know now that I am a Mother to 4 children and if anything were to happen I'd have to move forward. If only for them.

Jimbo's Aunt JoAnne doesn't talk much about her daughter JoJo. She had Hodgkin's as a child and it returned later in life for her. She didn't win the battle she second time around. She left behind her 2 year old toddler. Jimbos Mom talks more about Jo than her own Mother. I imagine it's just too painful.

Then you have Jimbo's Mom herself. She lost Jimbo's sister Karin within two weeks of her birth to complications from Spina Bifida. One day she really talked to me about Karin and it broke my heart. She told me how much it hurt and how a part of her died after. I was glad she felt she could confide in me. I really felt she trusted me and sharing that devastation brought us closer somehow. But I realize more than anything that even years later she mourns. Karin would have turned 30 this year, just as I did.

So life moves along while hearts and memories stand still. Tonight my heart aches. I want to comfort someone and can't. I want to say something that my heart feels but my mind can't emulate.