You know when...

You know you're life is chaotic when your 6 year wedding anniversary is fast approaching and you completely forgot about it until yesterday.

We figure we'll take in a movie and maybe go out for dinner. It's amazing how time, and more importantly children, change those "plans". We always swore we'd go on a trip for our 5 year anniversary and maybe even venture to Italy or some other dream locale for our 10. But thus far it's been: Us, dinner and a movie.

Super Powers

Jimbo: If you could have one super power what would it be?

Me: Hmmm, let me think a second. *pauses* What would you have?

Jimbo: I'd be able to fly.

Me: I'd be invisible, definitely.

Jimbo: Invisible? That's a lame super power.

Me: No it isn't, it's the most awesome super power in the world.

Jimbo (humoring me): Care to explain?

Me: Sure. What other power would allow me to go into movie theaters and snap people's phones off while they yapped away or better still, smack them on the head when they won't shut up. Now that would be a power worth having.

Jimbo: So basically you want a super power just so you can fuck with people?

Me: Pretty much.

Jimbo: Only you babe.

Have I told you lately...

Today my husband called and I was instantly suspicious.

Jim: "Baby, have I ever told you how glad I am that you are in my life?"

Me: "Oh shit, what's wrong?"

Jim: "Does something have to be wrong for me to call and tell you I love you?"

Me: "No but I know you hun, go ahead."

He told me he'd ran to Office Depot to look for an organizer during his lunch break. He noticed someone he thought he knew and when he realized it was indeed his old girlfriend he attempted to duck behind the nearest aisle. But she saw him anyhow and walked up to strike up a conversation.

They talked about their lives now, how long it's been, the usual things. But the thing that Jimbo said that amazed him was "nothing was there, nothing at all" anymore. Now, I could be the jealous bitch wife and say, "well there'd better NOT be anything there!" but I realize the human heart doesn't always function in the most rational of ways. He said instead he realized how happy he is and how happy I've made him.

On a side note, while I appreciate his honesty and I'm glad he had that moment of clarity, discovering she'd asked for his phone number to "catch up" didn't sit so well with me.

Ok so maybe I am a jealous bitch of a wife, so sue me.

Ant

We drifted apart for a time and my heart was broken. Then suddenly you where there and I didn't care how or why or about any of the events that caused us to part. Hearing your voice filled this empty void I didn't even realize I had inside me.

I'm grateful you are back in my life and I've missed you.

Big Brothers and Baby Sisters

Vincent adores her. Each morning without fail he comes into our bedroom and the question is always the same; "Where's Annabel?" He then comes into the room where she is usually in the bed with me nursing and he'll climb up to wait patiently to kiss her and pat her gently on the head.

After we come downstairs and eat breakfast he will motion for me to place Annabel on the blanket and then he will run to gather his toys which he brings back to her. Then he'll sit down and play for the next hour, handing her various things and trying to make her smile. It's a joy to watch.

I knew my children would be close but I can tell you with all sincerity that I can see this huge bond between my two youngest. They always seem to seek one another out and it amazes me just how gentle a 3 year old little boy can be with a 10 month old baby.

I had to share this picture I just snapped, she has 4 teeth now!! I can hardly believe how big she is.

Father's Day, Pie and a Show

So my dear husband had one request today, homemade Apple Pie. Otherwise his day was spent relaxing around the house and vegging together on the sofa tonight to watch Gremlins.

That is the one thing we all do together as a family I really enjoy. It's so much fun to watch the children laughing when silly things happen on the screen (they can't be scared when we make funny noises and say "get that gremlin!"). Logan would stand and mimic the people slowly walking around on the screen (like the Mom investigating the kitchen) only to go "BAH!!!" at the right times.

Vincent of course snuggled in with Dad, Annabel snuggled in with me and Arwen floated back and forth around us all and we laughed until we cried.

I called my Grandpa and Dad too to wish them a Happy Father's Day. I'd really hoped to see Dad today but he wanted to check out the gun show with his Dad and it's his day after all. Maybe I can get out to see him this week or this weekend. I've really missed him.

You Rock

"Baby, don't sweat the small stuff that you can't change. All of us think you rock, we love you and at the end of the day, isn't that what matters?"

Abso-fucking-lutely baby. Abso-fucking-lutely.

Happy Father's Day!

Happy Father's Day to all those wonderful men out there who are the hero to boys and girls around the world.

To my own husband, I love you sweetheart, thank you for everything you do. We love you.

And to my own Father. You're still the man I love most Daddy.

Before my Eyes

She still cries to communicate, requires breastfeeding to keep her full, wakes up several times a night to eat and cuddle, fits perfectly in my arms, and smells heavenly.

But she also is crawling, reaching, laughing, saying Mama and Dada. She has recently cut her top two teeth meaning she now has four teeth all together.

I know she is still a baby so why does my heart start to ache as if she's already grown? Is it natural to feel this way? I know people say they would keep their children babies forever if they could so it isn't just me...is it?

One thing is for certain, whether I'm prepared or not, hopefully she will continue on course as she grows first into a little girl and then into a young woman. Time passes by quickly but I'm sure my children will always be my babies. No matter how big they grow.

But it's not all bad. Last week Vincent started calling me "Momma" instead of "Mommie" and for some reason it just makes me melt. Some changes are good, I just have to find ways to embrace them.

Bed Head

Poor guy. I shouldn't have snapped a picture but he look so cute, even when half awake.

Late Night Snack

"Mommy?" Logan speaks softly. I'm laying on his bed, cuddling him close to me as he's settling down for the night.

"Hmm?" I say back.

"Yogurt?" He stares at me with those baby blues.

"Awww Bud, it's nini time." I lean in to kiss him on the nose. I settle back and stroke his soft blond hair.

"Please." He smiles at me, my heart aches.

Needless to say, he got his yogurt.

Food Fight!

My kitchen is covered in lemon cake and lemon icing. That was the flavor the boys chose to bake this morning. We baked cupcakes and a one layer before icing them. But at some point Logan nailed me in the face with a half eaten cupcake and that let lose a food fight of epic proportions.

And you know what? In between throwing icing around at each other and cake crumbs falling all over the floor, I had the best time. The mess was so totally worth it. I just wish I had my camera to take some pictures.

I love my little guys, they keep it fun around here. Now where is my mop?

What do you know?

I loved the shirt. It was black with different colored hearts all over. I picked it up and debated making the purchase but eventually left the store empty handed.

Today my Mother in law came by to pick up the dry cleaning for us and she brought a Mother's day card and gift for me with her. As we exchanged gifts I opened up the bag and unwrapped the present...

it was the black rainbow heart shirt I'd put back in the store.

I rushed into the bathroom and tried it on and walked out to show her. She was excited that it fit and said she didn't know if I'd like it or not but she thought it was "me". Then I told her it was indeed me as I'd almost bought it myself when shopping but put it back instead.

The card she got me says it all when it comes to our relationship:

I love the way we never have to work at it - we just get each other.

Thank Heaven For Little Girls

I believe in miracles...and I believe that things happen for a reason. Annabel was sent to me and I thank god every single day for her.

All this kid has to do is smile and I melt. When she does her "little old man face" I squeal and run around like a crazy woman, it makes me so happy.

Screw her Daddy, she has ME wrapped around her little finger.

Full Circle

You know those moments when something suddenly hits you?

Vincent and Logan are at Mimi's for the night so it was just Daddy and the girls. We'd decided to watch Alvin and the chipmunks together so I made the popcorn and we piled onto the couch. At some point Arwen was laughing and cuddled close to me and I flashed back to my own childhood. Some of my fondest memories are of taking in a movie with my Mom and Dad. I loved listening to them laugh, it made my heart flutter and at times I felt it brim over. I didn't enjoy the movie as much as I enjoyed being with them and just listening to them laugh. I didn't watch the movie, I watched them.

As Arwen watched me laugh and laughed all the harder because of it I knew my life had come full circle. I'm not just her Mother, I am to her what my own Mother was to me ... the world. I hugged her tightly to me and made sure to laugh a little harder, a little longer, at the screen.

I have a feeling my parents weren't just watching the movie when I was a kid either.

One ring to rule them all...

OH!

MY!

GOD!

I adore my husband. Not just because he is the absolute BOMB but because his gifts are truly one of a kind and the absolute BEST. Well today he surprised me with this little beauty. Don't adjust your screen, it is a ring!

Jimbo, I have to hand it to you, you have taste (it doesn't hurt I direct him to places but still...)

Moments

She sits staring at the red cola can on the desk. Her little eyes focus in as she reaches out her left hand while balancing her body with her right. Her legs shift with her weight to keep her straight as she leans forward. Her soft brown eyes shine brightly as she focuses in on the can.

When she tips too far forward, I lean her back. She smiles at me and tries again. We repeat our little reach and hold several times before she's had enough. She beams at me and begins to babble. I babble back and reach down several times to rain little kisses on her soft cheeks and forehead.

As I kiss her, I breathe in her sweet smell. She's a mixture of the softest cream and lavender, combined with her faint baby breath. I breathe her in as deep as possible, as if I could somehow keep some part of her that is a baby inside of me for safe keeping forever.

I will miss these moments and I need to remember to cherish each and every one of them before they pass me by.

Strange Love

There is one aspect of MMORPG's (Massive Multiplayer Online Roleplaying Games aka Final Fantasy or World of Warcraft) I never expected. In game relationships. I'm talking in game "romantic" relationships.

I'm not bashing or even condemning the people that choose to enter such relationships. I just personally have a hard time grasping it. Maybe it's a weird double standard for me.

Take my friendship with Ty. He and I met a very long time ago, after I'd first started playing. He, myself and Jimbo are so close we speak frequently on the phone. We talk about everything and plan to meet up soon (hopefully! we've been saying this for years) I consider him my best friend and tell him things my own family doesn't know about me. I don't consider this 'strange' at all.

I've also wondered about the 'dynamics' of it. Does it work the same as any other relationship, the only difference being you don't have the physical aspect? How does it work for the people that are married in real life? I've known of one guy who moved in with his older in game girlfriend, her children and her HUSBAND. I still can't figure that one out.

I've actually known people who have meet online, got into a relationship, met in person and eventually married. I can't tell you how the relationship is or what not because they turned out to be extremely bizarre and Jimbo, Tytus and myself stopped speaking to them.

Maybe strange love is only good for strange people? Jamie, help me out, I know WoW is the same.

Lapbaby

Lapbaby (n) (pl - bies) ~ a very young child or infant who's favorite area to reside or rest is the lap.

Trying to stay positive

I'm trying to see the good people in my life. The people that do whatever they can to make me happy, whatever they can to make my day beautiful.

I married a wonderful gentleman and because of that I got the chance to have a Mom that doesn't discourage me, doesn't belittle me and loves me unconditionally. She came to my home at 6am this morning while I slept to decorate the table with a cake and gifts.

So I am a lucky girl, I have to remember that. I'm looking at the good and not the bad. I just hope there is no more drama from my Mother today, please god let me enjoy the rest of it in peace.