And the wait begins....

Time is a funny thing. It is either something you love or something you hate. At the moment I don't like time much.

The trip to see the OB specialists is on March 5th, a full week away. After that day finally arrives I will have to wait an additional 7-9 days to get the results of my amnio. A large part of me wants to shout at these people "do you not realize that we are on a tight schedule here?? I'm almost 5 months preggo people!!" But there is no one to scream or rant at, only a letter in the mail requesting information. I'm actually going to make a call today to make sure the amnio will be set for me on that day.

My one aggrivation is my OB and his staff. They are the most uncaring and unsympathetic people imaginable. Everytime I call to find out a test result or to ask a question I can tell it annoys them. It's really sad when you don't want to call the one person that can give you answers since you're treated like an inconvience. I think I'll be finding another OB after this.

Another suck ass thing is my migraines have gotten worse and they are totally stress related. Anytime I get stressed out I get them and boy I've hit the motherload. There isn't much I can take but I do have some pain meds I take when it's unbearable, which is pretty often since the "news".

Jim and I are having a really hard time deciding what to do. We realize that we have to think of our children and how the choices made will impact them. I'm just fortunate that I still realize something isn't right and the baby still hasn't kicked. It's easier to make an informed decision when you can step back and think things clearly and logically. I don't want to distance myself from any of the reality of what is occuring but I do want to make my decisions based on the harsh truths that we're facing.

I'm going to get a shower and do some cleaning and watch the clock tic by one second at a time in between.

Your results came back abnormal.

Within two weeks of finding out I was pregnant, I felt something wasn't "right". I can't explain exactly how I felt or what warranted that inner voice telling me this but it did. For a month I shook it off, thinking it was nothing. My second OB visit no heartbeat was detected but I was assured this is normal that early on (which I knew being a 3 time Mom). During the wait for the next OB visit I let my husband in on the secret. "Something isn't right, something feels wrong" I told him. He was worried too and went with me the 3rd visit...and we heard a heartbeat, going strong at 153. "That is such a wonderful sound" I said and I watched Jim stop holding his breath. But still, even as this happened, that nagging voice told me "something still isnt' right". So when my OB came in and I told him this, he asked about the Triple test and my interest in getting one. (I'd refrained on getting these in the past except for one time and during that time it was more or less the first child and fear of spina bifida since it runs in the family, no "bad" feelings occurred then). I agreed to take the test and went off and donated the blood necessary.

Almost a week later, I get a call from my OB. He tells me "we got the results from your lab and they came back abnormal." I tried not to cry as I've braced myself with the knowledge for months now that something was wrong but I couldn't hold it back. He told me there is a chance of a false positive and wanted me to see someone to have a Ultrasound II and possibly a amnio if the ultrasound shows problems. So the entire day I waited and got the call the next day for my appointment in Birmingham next month.

This is without a doubt one of the hardest things I've ever faced in my life. Decisions have to be made and I have to step out of my own personal box and look at things from the perspective of my children. I have to take all things into account and what to do.

The amnio will not tell you exactly how "bad" Downs Syndrome will be or what other problems may be. It will only tell you for certain if the baby has Downs Syndrome (or what chromosome disorder we are dealing with). So the major choices still come down to you.

I ask for any prayers you can offer. I'll try to post between now and then...but it all depends on the circumstances. Mothers intuition is an amazing thing.

Sick kids and a temptation to kill the dog...

The best part of having 3 young children is that they pass sickness back and forth between each other very well. First my daughter had the funk, then she passed it on to her other brother who passed it on to the youngest brother. They all have runny noses, hacking coughs and fevers to boot. Gotta love it.

While dealing with this has been joy enough, I'm also blessed with our family pet, Ceazar. Ceazar belonged to my hubbie before we married and at first glance is a lovely looking critter. He's a 'red-tipped' Bassett hound around 7 years old. A little over a year ago, Ceazar got sick and $700 later in vet bills he went from being an outdoor dog to an indoor one and my life has been a nightmare ever since.

Don't get me wrong, I love animals, but this dog...maybe it's just not my breed. For one, he STINKS and I mean STINKS. He just carries this nasty hound odor and it makes me gag (especially in my first trimester). Moving on to the second complaint, he SHEDS. He sheds worse than a cat, his fur is everywhere. It doesn't matter how often we brush and wash, he still smells and sheds everywhere.

Now lets talk about his disposition. If I'd wanted a pet that doesn't listen, I'd have gotten a cat. Ceazar understands what you tell him but his royal majesty never listens. Case in point, the couches. He knows he isn't allowed on them but everytime a couch is left open for his fat ass to climb on there I find him sleeping. I immediately yell and knock him off but it doesn't matter. He just repeatedly does this over and over. He has his own bed to rest on but of course it's not good enough, he expects to live large.

When the couch isn't an issue his 'counter cruising' is. This dog will try to stand on his stubby back legs to get any food off the counter. He was actually successful in snatching a pizza (which was cooling to eat) off the table and proceded to eat it. I was livid. Thank god hubbie got to the dog before me, I was out for blood. He also loves to sit at the top of the stairs when the gate to the basement is closed hoping he can sneak by when we go up or down to look for food here. It drives me INSANE. Or better yet, his constant scratching that echos throughout the house in an annoying "thump, thump, thump....thumpthumpthumpthumpthump." There are other things, the licking himself at night in our bedroom (which wakes me and the hubbie often) or the falls caused by him not moving out of the way. I'm telling you, this dog is a winner .

The best part? He does this every single day. This stinky, shedding, lazy ass mutt acts stupid and tries to get by with whatever he wants. If he's outside (god forbid he stay outside, he's not meant for the outdoors!) he will whine...and whine...and whine. I purposely put him outdoors during dinner due to the searching for food. It's annoying when you're trying to eat and the dog is shoving the chairs around looking for a morsel. (Which let me add, he eats often and well, he's getting quite chubby) So I've started placing him outside where he will sit and serenade us with his high pitched whine until I break and open the door and throw a large glass of water into his face. If you have a dog that needs punishment give it a go, he takes off running everytime and I can feed my family in peace.

I've spoken with my hubbie about giving the dog away and he doesnt' say much so I know he doesn't want to. So I'll continue to live with the pest until his time comes and thereafter will never own another Bassett.

For those of you that love the breed, god bless ya. I'm glad to know that there are people that appreciate this kind of dog. Me personally? I'll take an English Springer any day of the week. I guess it's all in preference and what you're looking for in a pet.

/rant off, time for naps!

I love my rotten children.

Have you ever noticed mothers love to say "I love my children but ." I say it all the time. Being a mother is difficult because we feel guilty for expressing any negative feelings we might have about our youngins. That is why we feel the need to start every sentence or rant with that tag line, so here you go. I love my children BUT...

Sometimes they just drive me insane. My daughter is in preschool now, so her time to annoy is limited and usually I miss her during the day so the things she does to get under my skin (getting into my things, talking non-stop or asking questions non-stop, making a mess, getting make-up everywhere,etc) don't bother me so much.

My boys really know how to get it started. Logan is 3 and autistic, Vincent is 2. Together they cry, destroy and make messes of epic proportions. Vince should be employed as a professional cry baby. He cries on average roughly 8 hours per day. He starts from the moment he wakes, until he finally falls asleep. Just for good measure he makes sure to wake every night around 1am to cry some more. He is also quite good at throwing a crying 'fit' and will throw himself upon the floor and proceed to scream and thrash.

Then you have Logan. Logan doesn't talk much. It takes him really wanting something before he'll finally help you out with one word demands. "Drink, Eat, Yummies." Otherwise he will throw a tantrum and cry, while holding this or that and wanting you to fix it. You see, he is terrible about breaking his toys and when they break, he expects you to repair it. Unfortunately, some things are beyond repair. So he will just stand there, holding said toy, and crying for up to 30 minutes at a time. Sometimes he'll bring the toy back to you over and over and finally in frustration I'll usually throw the toy away since it is broken and it's presence will only cause another fit at some other time in the future.

Then we have the messes they make. God forbid I leave them to use the restroom. Usually if I do, when I return to the playroom, they will have their snacks and drinks smeared into the carpet. Due to this we are having tile or linoleum laid in the room. Carpet cannot survive these terrors. Add in the fact they have broken almost every single lamp we've brought in, we now have nothing of value in the room except toys.

Being a parent is tough, especially when you stay at home day in and day out with your children. We still love em' But...

Rude people and just plain sicko's!

Sorry I haven't blogged in a while. I've been a bit under the weather and my boys have colds. Got to love the winter time huh?

So today while surfing the net, I go to my favorite forums anywhere, makeupalley. I'm a nail polish junkie and I get my "fix" from the lovely ladies there. As a matter of fact, those little digits in the pic above are mine.

One of the gal's made a post regarding letter she received to her criticism over advertising and packaging of the nail polish Koibox. You see, the MUA poster had decided to look at the company's website along with her soon to be step-daughter who is only 8 years old. (She had received the Koibox polish Uncle Vince from a friend and wanted to see other colors) The site depicts a nude girl covered in what appears to be powder, her nipples are evident. Concerned, the poster sent a letter (email perhaps) to the company, voicing her issues with the nudity (nipples) and also with the packaging the bottle comes in. (Basically, the bottles are covered in a "wrap" so to speak that lists the ingredients as well as the polish color. With the wrapper in place the bottle is unstable and it is very difficult to paint your nails. The wrapper has to be removed to remedy this and in doing so removes the ingredients and color information.) Here is the response she received:

Well (***Name Removed***) seeing as how you took the time to voice your opinion and elucidate your rather obviously limited knowledge of branding, packaging and design, I thought I might also take some time too respond.First of all thank you for showing an interest in our product glad you liked the color of Uncle Vince unfortunately everybody does so that makes you.. not so astute.

As for the packaging, we let the professionals determine what is good and what is bad. When we designed the packaging for KOIBOX it was a deliberate move to "wrap" the bottle in a manner that was different and unique, that is what good branding and package design is about..stirring interest and conversation. I say this in confidence given the award KOIBOX received from Communication Arts Magazine 2002 Design Annual..Best of Packaging. The award was given along side a few other notable companies like Evian and Sky Vodka...but what do any of us know about package design especially Communication Arts Mag!I am certain that you don't even frequent a newsstand that carries such high brow periodicals.

As for your second issue. To begin with we did not intend to sell this product to women that are pent up with personal biases towards the beauty of the female body, in fact the reason we chose such a demure and unclothed women was to fortify the notion that all women are beautiful and the same in general terms...it is color and accent that makes them different to the eye of the beholder. You will notice that the model was dusted in white and posed in a manner to suggest that she was not the focus or the impetus for our campaign..the polish is. I feel sorry for your daughters that they should grow up in an atmosphere that obviously has disdain for the female body and anatomy..remember they too carry the same equipment and should be proud of it.

As far as you and your friend are concerned...sounds like one guy was dumb and the other was glad of it.The TITS stay.Go find another product to bitch about... Quaker.

Best,***Name Removed CEO Koibox***(If you want his name please click on the link below, it will take you directly to her post)

PS. check our feature out in the March Issue of Lucky Magazine..just another publisher that doesn't know anything about women.
http://www.makeupalley.com/board/m.asp/id=50225197/iPN=1/

Now isn't that just a lesson in customer service? I certainly hope he doesn't deal with all of his clients in this manner! Of course, I will never purchase anything from this vendor after reading this. As with anything of this nature, some claim the post to be a hoax. Personally I am still waiting to see how Koibox responds to this claim before I decide. They haven't responded in 3 days thus far, doesn't look good for them in my opinion.

As far as the advertising. More than one person has compared the nude girl modeling the polish as a corpse. I have to agree. There have also been complaints on the front page of the site as to where the Koibox box is strategically placed, I also see the argument there. Honestly, I don't know what kind of person would want a nude, pasty, corpse looking model in their adds. It isn't on the "edgy" side of advertisement to me. It just looks ridiculous.

P.S. If you are running a reputable company, why in the world would you describe your pink polish "Baboon" as -just like it's ass.? That just exudes class to me.

Now on the the second part of my blog. After checking up on my MUA pals, I decided to venture over to CNN. Yes I keep track of what is occuring daily in our country. On the very front was the headline of a person I had nearly forgotten. It was enough to get me all riled up again and out for blood.

U.S.: Killer confesses to 3 more child killings

http://www.cnn.com/2007/LAW/01/23/abduction.killing.ap/index.html

Do you recall this piece of shit? He is the man that murdered a family and kidnapped the two youngest children (he killed the oldest, 13 year old alongside the mother and father) and took them into the woods and molested them for weeks. He then killed the boy and thank god was captured with the girl in a restaurant.

It seems that this dirtbag had been convicted in the past of sexual abuse on children, yet he fled the case only to keep going and killing! This has to STOP in our society and now!! Children are defenseless, it is up to each and every one of us to stand up and enforce stern penalties upon anyone convicted of these acts. I want to take this to the next level, castration, death, you name it, I want to see it. If a person ever touches a defenseless child inappropriately I say they immediately lose any rights they may have had. They certainly didn't mind taking the rights away from the children (or in this case the lives of those children).

I live in fear for my children every single day. My neighbor is a pastor and I wouldn't even trust him with my children. You never know who will hurt them. Anyone in my family will tell you just how strict I am with who my children stay with. My mother and my husbands mother are the only two people my children have ever stayed overnight with, and even then they cannot leave the children with anyone else. If something comes up my children are returned home to me. I'm a stay at home mother, I don't trust daycare systems. It is difficult for me to even send my little girl to school. Violent acts such as these are why. I know that anything can happen, you can't prepare for everything, but I'm determined to protect my children with everything I am capable of.

My heart aches for parents who have loved and lost children to monsters such as these. I know that if I were ever faced with what they are I would go insane. My thirst for vengeance would know no end. I would want the person(s) to suffer as my child suffered.

The problem with our country is that we smack sex offenders on the wrist and they walk away free after. Yes I realize we are supposed to be notified when an offender moves into the area but let me tell you, I know of cases where an offender didn't register and a child suffered as a result. Making pedophiles registers isn't the key, taking away the tools that help them function is.

So there you have it, rude people and just plain sicko's. I can deal with anyone that's rude. Let's just kill off the sicko's already. Make the world a happy place. Oh in the meantime, tell your children each day just how much they mean to you. If you can't express the extent of your emotions, a good hug and kiss should let them know.

Happy New Year!!

So another year has come and gone. It never ceases to amaze me just how fast life passes us by. My little girl will turn 5 in only 7 days and not to sound cliche but...it seems like only yesterday she couldn't even walk. Now she's this stubborn, independant, resourceful little girl. Her brothers are following closely behind and I get sad sometimes when I think about how quickly it all goes.

My great-great Granny Kelly passed away two days before christmas. She was 99 years old. I was pretty torn up about it but know that she's no longer in pain and can see Grandpa again. I've decided if this baby is a girl to impart Granny's beautiful name Josephine to her. I miss her and wish that my children had the chance to know her better. I hope that my children and grandchildren think the same of me when I go.

Ok enough sad stuff, I saw Rocky and LOVED IT. I don't care that others say it's the same ole blah blah. This movie, to me, is a perfect ending to the franchise and to Rocky himself. I was cheering in my seat and just happy as a squirrel. Great movie!

We stayed up for New Year's. I got to drink sparkly grape juice (sucks but what else is there?). Then we watched My Super Ex-Girlfriend. What is up lately with all the suck ass movies? I admit my choices lately have been kinda cheesy but still, they all just plain suck!! The one exception is the movie An Inconvient Truth. Everyone should see that movie. It really opened my eyes.

I'm off again, have chores to do. Jimbo says not to do them. That what you do the first of the year dictates what you do the rest of it. I'm tempted to just let it go for the day...hmmm decisions, decisions.

The Holidays, Gallstones and Rocky Balboa

I haven't posted in a few days. I've been too busy in the insanity of my home aka Christmas. The kids have enjoyed the gifts this year which makes me and Jim happy. They've played themselves out though so it's only a matter of time before the toys are old fodder and they are back to dangling from the ceiling.

I got some good stuff this year. Dooney purse (always wanted one of these but was too cheap to get one). New Fossil watch (I'll still wear my old one mostly, I got it on my wedding day and the memories are more important to me than avoiding the scratched face I can't even read time from anymore). And my favorite...a diamond eternity ring from my wonderful husband. God I love this man and not just for the gifts. He just is so attentive sometimes (and other times he drives me batty).

Life would be great if it weren't for this freaking Gallbladder and its stones. I've had 3 attacks in the last two weeks and this was after I watched everything that passed my lips. It doesn't matter what I do, the attacks still come. I'd rather endure labor I swear!! The pain uggg!!! And what's bad is I get so fracking pissed off when it happens because I know it won't just go away and that the pain will persist for at least an hour or two. Going to the ER does nothing since they make me wait for pain relief (they know I have the gallstones, they took the ultrasound!! How in the holy hell can I be drug seeking??? The Doctor himself told me the pain was described as some of the worst imaginable!!).

I have to bitch a bit again about hospital care. While I understand that many people drug seek and they frequent the ER and Doc's for meds, that is no reason to punish those of us in legitimate pain. It is unfair to make someone that feels like death wait and wait for minutes that turn to hours for relief. I thought a Doctor's code was to help the sick and ease suffering? Yeah right, not here. The nurses give you nasty looks and stab you in the ass when you finally get the Doctor's ok for narcotics.

Anyhow, the gallbladder has to go. It can't stay there. I won't be making it past my pregnancy. After my 1st trimester is up, I want this bastard out, out, OUT!! I've never had surgery and I'm somewhat nervous but if it means no more hell then just slice and dice. I'm beyond caring at this point. I do worry about the baby but sadly I'm a mother of 3 already and I have to be able to care for them. Jim can't take off work, it's my job to be caregiver during the day. It sucks being put in a position to have to make choices but in the long run, I have children here who need me NOW. I'm hoping the baby is as tough as they are and will hang in there with me during this.

I'm excited about this weekend. Not because it's New Year's but because I finally get to see Rocky Balboa. Go ahead, laugh it up. I love Sly. I don't care if he's old enough to be my Grandpa. He's da man and I'll gladly put down some cash to check out a movie that will take me back to when I was a little girl, chilling with my Dad, watching Rocky. I know it's kind of redundant but it's a part of my childhood and I never did get to see any of the films in the theatre...til now.

One last thing. During this christmas break, Jimbo and I have had the chance to watch tons of rentals. We had the misfortune of renting two of the biggest duds, both starring Nik Cage. Please don't waste your time with World Trade Center. It consists of Nik in a dark hole with his partner and not much else. It's so slow and boring. I found myself wanting to skip to the end to see what happened. And for the love of god DO NOT rent the Wicker Man. That is the worst movie I've ever seen in my entire life. It was repetitive, stupid and the ending made me want to up chuck. I want those 2 hours of my life back. It's that bad. On a positive note, Masters Of Horror is new tonight on Showtime, I love that show and Jimbo and I watch every new episode. It's "our" alone time night.

I'm off, I have appointments to make for my dog (I have to haggle with my Vet, he always wants to do tests for Ceaz that are totally unneeded. Everytime his visit rolls round I have to remind our kind but expensive pet doc that we are not the Hilton's and don't have money to blow). And I've got to get some laundry done.

Happy New Year!! (saying that now, just in case I don't get a post in beforehand)