Late Night Manicure

So what's a girl to do when she can't sleep (due to a baby that won't sleep) and there is nothing interesting to watch on the tube?? For me the answer is easy, manicure time!

Anyhow, that's my digits, in a bright and wowza!! blue. OPI's Blue My Mind.

I know, I need to get out more.

10 Things about Me

I have a severe case of writers block. I'm not sure why (umm actually isn't that what writer's block is, duh Jaime).

I've wanted to write something clever, funny and upbeat. Something that will entertain anyone out there who drops by from time to time to read what I have to say. It's frustrating when I sit and stare at the blank page and think...well think nothing actually. It's just a big blank slate.

So, I've decided to share some random thoughts and things about myself, 10 of them. I've never been tagged or whatever it's called so I suppose I'm tagging myself.

10 Things About Me!

1.) I love scary things, be it books, movies or TV shows. So my favorite movies are scary ones (and I mean old school scary, not this new Hostel stuff) .

2.) I decorate my house as soon as the fall rolls around. I have 4 tubs in the attic full of decorations. One for fall, Halloween, thanksgiving and Christmas. I put decorations both in and outside. I've been told it's reminiscent of a school classroom.

3.) I love to read. I have so many books I've run out of room for them all. I read everything, from the classics, to the modern. Two of my children are named after books/poems that I adore.

4.) I hate mustard. As a child I had to drink some concoction to make me throw up that contained mustard and I've never forgotten. Just the smell makes my stomach churn.

5.) My oldest son is autistic. He is the light of my life and I wouldn't change any part of it. He is the child I'm most protective of and the one that made the greatest positive impact on my life as a Mom.

6.) I didn't want children earlier in my life. I was actually in my 20's and didn't want children. I'd decided in high school I wasn't a "kid" person. Then my niece was born and I fell in love. Soon after the baby bug struck and I've been a lover of little people ever since.

7.) The first blog I ever read was Bun in the Oven (http://www.texasbelle.net/) I couldn't stop reading. I read the entire blog in two days and have been a frequent visitor since. She is the person who started my addiction. One post of hers really sticks out in my mind, http://www.texasbelle.net/?p=1308 , it cracks me up but also reminds me alot of myself.

8.) I have a weird thing with smelling my children. I love to smell their little heads and necks. The youngest two have it really bad since they both have the "baby" smell. I will nuzzle them constantly. After bathing the baby I will smell her little clothes as I'm taking them to the laundry basket. As for my 2 year old, I smell his blanket as I'm making his bed. I can't stop help myself.

9.) I love unicorns. I know that is so 80's of me but it's true. I have two cabinets full of them and love adding to the collection. Oh and to clarify, these are Lenox, Windstone, etc. Not generic unicorns found for $1 at the flea market.

10.) I've been soul searching and thinking very hard about pursuing a degree in nursing. If I do so it would be to eventually work L&D. The birth of my last child was so difficult, both physically and emotionally. My L&D nurse made my experience a positive one and kept me calm during a very scary time. It touched me deeply and has perhaps altered the course of my life.

So there you go. Until I get past this writers block it's the best I can do.

Admit It...

You know you've done this, or someone you know has.

*****

The scene: 6:45am, kitchen, early morning, breakfast time.

"Want Milk!"

Stumble to fridge, pry open door, reach for milk, fill cup, hand cup to child.

"Want Chocolate!"

Sit the cup down, reach for the chocolate, pour and begin to stir. Wait for chocolate to mix, continue stirring. Stop and wonder what is wrong with the chocolate. Look around for container but only see French Vanilla liquid creamer on counter.

Moment of clarity. Walk to sink, dump out drink, rinse and repeat.

*****

You've all done this, admit it.

So terribly Wrong

I'm angry. No, I'm beyond angry. I'm raging.

A year ago I was watching the local news (as is the norm for me, while preparing dinner). I paused when I heard a familiar name mentioned and gasped when I heard "authorities were dispatched to the home where a newborn baby was discovered dead". My mind raced and I immediately felt horrible for them. I hadn't seen them around in several years but I knew the family of the father (as they lived in the same area I grew up in).

Fast forward a year. I'm again cooking (peeling potatoes this time) and hear the name again. I immediately hurry to the tele and watch in shock as the reporter explained the couple, both the man and wife were arrested. The Father on charges of Capital Murder, the Mother chemical endangerment. Details were finally released on the baby. The little boy was born with cocaine in his system as his Mother obviously smoked crack prior to labor, he died of blunt force trauma. To add insult to injury, this family was cleared of charges following the death of their 6 month old a couple of years ago.

When I first heard this news, I was holding my own infant daughter. I looked down into her little face and I felt immense despair. How can anyone do something such as this? I realize they were both probably high as a kite on crack at the time (as the Father has openly admitted it) but still...that's your child. And I have to ask the question, how in the world is the Mother getting off so lightly? "chemical endangerment"? Please!

This is the very reason some people should not be parents. It's a true crime that some couples have so much love and longing for a child of their own and others murder a newborn baby while high on drugs. What is the world coming to?

A fond Memory

It was 1 week after Annabel was born. We didn't want to take her out but I was nursing and we HAD to get a minivan. She was in the back of our car, sleeping soundly for the most part. We made our way to a car lot we'd researched and took a look at a couple of vans. We found one of interest and I stayed in the car with the baby while Jim went inside to "negotiate" a bit. As I was leaning back my nose alerted me to a "gift" from my infant daughter.

.

I grabbed the diaper bag, laid her carefully on a blanket. I removed her diaper and reached for the wipes...but couldn't find any. So here I am, holding her tiny little bottom up in the air and trying to decide what in the world to do.

.

Suddenly she projectile poops all over my shirt and pants. I'm talking warm orangey-yellow breastfed poo goodness. I sit in shock for a second and see Jim walking toward the car. The smell hits him first, then he sees me and immediately begins to laugh. Giving him the eat sh*t and die look, I cleaned her with the blanket she had just ruined and we buckled her into the car seat and rushed to CVS for some wet wipes.

.

I spent the next few hours looking for a minivan, smelling like infant poo with a huge orange stain on my lower torso and pants. Maybe we cut such a great deal on the van we purchased because the salesman just wanted my stinky butt as far away from him as possible.

.

Shirt-20 dollars

Pants-20 dollars

Baby blanket-10 dollars

Having wet wipes when you need them the most? Priceless.

Mom confession of the Week

I put too many expectations on myself, which ultimately leads to failure on my part. I wish I could be the Mother that heads the PTA, does arts and crafts each weekend, takes monthly trips with the family to the park, cooks everything for her family from scratch and manages to look beautiful while doing it.

I need to realize diversity makes each Mom special in her own way. Accepting this would make me appreciate the kind of Mother I am and not the Mother I want to be.

To your Health

I went in for my 6 week post partum check up. I've got 15 pounds left until I return to my pre-pregnancy weight and everything from the delivery is on the up and up. Then during my breast exam I pointed out the small "lumps" I'd noticed. My OB spent a long time feeling around and finally decided that after a couple of months, if they remain as they are (he is hopeful they are a bi-product of my nursing) he wants to perform a biopsy.

Add this to the list of on going health issues I have and it's enough to make anyone depressed. I was waiting to get the clear from my OB to return to my Neuro (treat recurring migraines/cluster headaches) and family doctor (anemia, hyperthyroid, heart palps, fatigue). Now I can add the potential worry of tumors in my breast. (my mother has a history, thus far she has had 8 tumors removed from her breasts, thank god all were benign)

It's been difficult at best the last few days. The lumps are worrisome but the heart palpitations have returned with a vengeance and are very frightening. As a long time anxiety attack sufferer, I'd always assumed they were a figment of my imagination. Then during Annabel's delivery I would get them and watched in horror as my heart rate dramatically increased on the monitor. I now know it's not my imagination and it terrifies me.

I try to keep a positive outlook that I can finally begin treatment for all these problems and get back on track. This is what I've been waiting for. Yet I'm scared now that the time has come that I'm only going to get bad news that things are worse than I assumed.

Has anyone ever dealt with hyperthyroidism? I've been told it can be a cause of almost every symptom I'm experiencing. From the fatigue (to the point that I can't even feel my heart beating, which really freaks me out) to the opposite, my heart pounding like it's going to explode. I'm not even going to go into how terrible my migraines are. I'll only say they are only slightly better than before I gave birth and during that time I was taking Demerol and Zofran on a frequent basis.

I'm hopeful I will begin some sort of treatment next week. Until then I'll be trying to convince myself that the pounding of my heart isn't indicative of something very seriously wrong.