Epiphany

I had an epiphany whilst weaving through the hordes at Wal-Mart. But before I share, picture this...

Cart in grip and feet shuffling, I dodged the crowded aisle while making my selections and hoping for a short check out. Then it happened -- a crowded intersection between the children's clothes, cereal, and frozen freezer rack almost turned nasty. Seeing the accident waiting to happen, I hooked a quick left into the shoe department, rushed around the size 8 1/2 ladies pumps, and resumed my trek through the dairy department.

So, that light bulb moment I was telling you about? Well, folks, The Death Star isn't merely a cesspool of one stop shopping. No, no, and no. Now, it will forever and always remind me of... Pac Man.

Blinky, Pinkie, Inky, and Clyde = the shoppers, employees, children, and pallets destined to make you work. While the strawberry, banana, and cherry prizes are the sales that lure you into the pit of Hell in the first place.

I knew my stint as a reigning champ at the local skating ring would come in handy at some point in my life (still waiting for the fruits of my labor on Battle Axe). Please excuse me while I go call my father and inform him video games are in fact worth something.

That Time Again...

We got our first snow! It wasn't heavy, but was a beautiful sight just the same.

GATORS RAMMER JAMMER YELLOW HAMMER 2009 SEC CHAMPIONSHIP GA

My team is on to the BSC championship. =-) Rammer Jammer, Yellow Hammer, give em' hell, Alabama!!

What Did You Expect?

My Mother-in-Law purchased tickets to A Christmas Carol for me and Arwen as a Christmas gift. I was incredibly excited, as it's been years since I've seen a play, and couldn't wait to make the trip.

As we walked inside the building, and waited for the doors to open, I saw not one, but two very small infants. Pushing aside what could possibly become a distraction, I took my daughter inside and purchased her a drink that she had to finish prior to taking our seat. All of the ticket holders were told as we entered, "No food or drinks in the auditorium". Yet, when we arrived, we sat next to a women with one of the aforementioned infants. And seated next to her was a child Arwen's age -- gulping down a cup of soda from the concession stand.

Really, I could go into the other things that occurred when the lights went down -- babies crying (and in their defense, with all the loud and unexpected pyrotechnics, I would be squalling too!), children kicking the back of our seat (after being politely asked to stop), food wrappers being opened, cell phones going off -- but I won't. The purpose of this blog isn't to delve into that. Rather, I'd like to address people who feel that my Mother-in-Law's gift (and money) is less important than what they obviously think is their God given right to be assholes.

What is wrong with people? I don't mean to be a downer, but I was flaggerbasted by the adults who brought food and drink into a place they were specifically asked not to. Then to add insult to injury, decided their phone conversations were so damned important they couldn't shut their Motorola off for an hour and a half to spare the rest of us saps a bit of sanity.

Sadly, the bitch within surfaced, and I not only said something to the woman's child who was kicking my seat (who refused to stop after several warnings), but I was also forced to explain to my daughter (within earshot of the child her age and the mother that refused to follow the rules) that some people don't have the sense God gave a cockroach.

It was only after my declarations that the idiots in my vicinity threw away their drinks, chided their heathen children, and allowed my daughter, Mother-in-Law, and me to enjoy the second half of the play in peace. Word to the wise, peeps. You don't want to be called out for being a douche, then don't be a douche! Seriously, what do you expect?

Here are a few pictures. The cast was wonderful enough to pose for pictures and to give autographs. It's a shame they had to perform with cell phones blaring and babies screaming.

My Buddy / Kid Sister

Speaking of old school Christmas gifts...Anyone remember this?

Madness!

December 1st in our home marks the descent into the chaos that is Christmas. That's not to say we don't love the holiday, or that Christmas music isn't blasting from the stereo in the living room all day. Rather, my children are getting older, and that means we are bombarded with gift requests to relay to Santa that don't involve cheap dolls, trucks, or tinker blocks.

When I was a child, I was fortunate to get a couple of the "big" presents I really wanted. But that was before the invention of the super expensive Wii, PS3, and X-Box. Not to mention all those nifty and cool action figures, dolls, and accessories. With four children, that Christmas list begins to look more and more like a credit card statement.

Now I understand why my parents detested those commercials that sank their teeth into us and had us begging for the latest and greatest Care Bear.

Back On Track?

Hello World! Long time no see, huh?

The drama in my family hasn't gone away, but I'm relieved to say the court portion of it all is over and done with. Now we have to focus on the children and counseling. So, that's that.

If I can, I'm going to visit and catch up on some blogs this weekend. I went over to see Susan and I plan on hopping to a few others as time permits.

The kiddos are doing great. I've added a few pictures below. I hope everyone had a fantastic Thanksgiving!

Long Time Gone

Hello Everyone!

Wow, I've really neglected this blog and I must confess something - I feel terrible about it. I suppose honesty is the best policy so here goes. The truth is, I know I can't talk about the one thing I want to most here - the ongoing dispute with my Mother.

The court date looms, each day bringing it closer. That's all well and good but knowing I will soon face the woman behind all this madness has gotten me in a frazzled state, and I know I'll turn to this venue to work out my demons.

When this ugliness is all said and done, I'll return to my normal routine. I plan on checking on everyone's blogs this week and apologize now for not doing so. I suppose a selfish part of me doesn't want to make this harder and by visiting everyone I know because I'll miss them all the more and will have to start over from scratch.

I know this is just a blog. I know I only know most of you via comments shared. But the way I feel about you, your families, and your shared experiences is something I take very seriously. I've tried to find appeasement by working my rear off (the writing is going remarkably well) but it's hollow in comparison.

This should all be said and done (God willing) by the end of October. Any and all prayers are appreciated.

Shocked...

I just got the news today...Both of my stories (submitted to separate publishers) have been accepted for online publication and Print on Demand.

I'm absolutely speechless and stunned. I'll keep you updated on the release dates.

1,000

This is my 1,000th post.

Wow.

Huzzah!!!!

Let's celebrate with a GOOD Mom Confession, shall we? This one goes back to the days I was still fertile, but just roll with it.

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Even though it was obvious I was sexually "experienced", I was STILL embarrassed about purchasing contraceptives during check-out at Hell-Mart with my four wildebeest children in tow.

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I don't know what the cashier thought when she came across the box of condoms hidden between the Frosted Flakes and Lucky Charms. But since my oldest child was climbing into and out of the cart, her brothers were attached to each of my legs, and the infant was clawing and grasping at my head, I think it was something along the lines of:

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"Lady, you've started protecting yourself WAAAYYYY too late."

Hang Ten...or Fifteen...

Back to the normalcy (or what is normal for me) of my blog. It's a topic all of us, both male and female, can relate to. It's something that comes with age. Mother nature's way of reminding us about the inescapable things in life...

Like aging.

Metabolism, where oh where have you gone? Once upon a time you were good to me. I respected you, and in turn, you gave me a broad leeway. We had a great understanding and rapport then. I always knew when to back off the sweets and treats and you rewarded this with leniency and a wistful smile.

Now, you laugh at my offering, padding me up like a thanksgiving bird in preparation for the big day. I don't have drumsticks, I have ham bones. And the harder I try to please you, the more you mock me.

Now the stair climber and weighs are beckoning, promising to do what my body refuses to.

Exercise...Damn it, I got enough PE in high school.

Pictures

I know it's been forever since I've posted any up. A few of these are older (end of school year and Easter) but you can see how everyone's grown.

And yes, Annabel is a total ham - and she knows it.

Shhhh! I won't tell if you won't...

Technically, I'm breaking a counselor rule here. I'm not supposed to discuss my Mother or the things going on with her. I'm supposed to journal "privately"...but where is the fun in that??

So...two weeks ago Jimbo and I flew out to Colorado Springs for business. It was a trip for his company, and aside from a plane ticket, it was free. It was the first time we've been alone like this in 5 years (since Logan was born) and we couldn't wait. We arrived ready to relax and immerse ourselves in one another.

Oh, and we were also there for something else - to make a solid decision and time frame on when we would re-involve ourselves with my Mom.

Then it happened...

On the second day of the trip, Tuesday to be exact, we got the call from his Mother who was staying at our home to babysit the children. My Mother got an attorney and were were "served". She's suing us for grandparent visitation.

There is a TON going on right now, as you can probably imagine. She has refused time and time again to give me time to deal with the emotional aspects of what she's done, refused to give me space to find common ground. Instead she's chosen to proceed as she always does - as SHE wants.

It's actually sad but fitting that she chose to do this. Jimbo said she was walking the line and if she tried something like this, he was done with her. While she's my Mother, she put this upon herself. We didn't start this, ask for this, or encourage this - but we will see it to fruition.

We have an attorney and she should have gotten the news by now - we fully intend to fight her in court.

It's a mess, a heartbreaking one, and something that never had to happen.

Summertime

Summer is here...

And out goes my sanity.

It's cool. I have the hubs on speed dial, 911 programmed into the phone, and a bottle of Valium with my name on them.

I'm going to be visiting blogs today to say hello to everyone (I have missed you greatly) as soon as my children are down for a nap (huzzah!). Then, I'm vegging out on the couch and enjoying the silence while it lasts.

Summertime = the school system's reminder of why you don't mind paying those tax dollars for a quality (or not so much, depending on region) education.

Quick Update

I am not dead, even though you may think so. I've just been so busy I can't find time to do the simple things in life - like resting for more than 5 minute intervals.

The end of school means IEP meetings galore. Logan has to meet with Gleenwood for his new evaluation, that means more meetings. Vincent has meetings about his speech therapy. Arwen has meetings because she continues to get into trouble at school.

Then I have all of these doctors appointments (hyperthyroid again, blah), problems with the van (fixed), and all of the other stuff that comes in life.

Wanted to drop by and say hello. I've missed the blogosphere. I've missed reading about everyone. Hope you all are well. And I hope to be able to blog when this settles (school is over in one week and while I'm glad the meetings will end, it means it's me v/s 4 children - EEK!!)

Susan Boyle - Singer - Britains Got Talent 2009 (With Lyrics)

This gave me goosebumps.

How do you punish this?

I'm livid, furious, angry. I could rip out my hair, scream at the top of my lungs, punch a wall or the nearest tree. Thank god I managed to control myself and only let those volatile emotions come through in the form of screaming.

My 7 year old daughter just decided to climb into the window via the assistance of my curio cabinet. Nestled atop this cabinet are the Windstone Unicorns I've amassed as gifts over the years (for those not familiar with them, the cheapest one is the baby and starts at $60. The others range from $80-150) as well as numerous unicorns, music boxes, and gifts from friends and family.

Of course the curio tipped, it's not meant to be used a climbing device. I was just pulling the crock pot down to prepare a roast for dinner when I heard the crash. When I arrived to the scene all of the Windstones (minus the baby one) were destroyed. The most treasured in the bunch (pictured above) and my favorite was broken into over a dozen pieces. The things inside didn't fare much better and I had to pull a garbage can from outside and throw away things that are tied to certain events in the past (christmas, an anniversary, a birthday as a child).

The thing is, after I was done railing at my daugther and had begun cleaning up the mess I calmed enough to tell her, "After this I expect a good report from school from you". She responds with, "If I'm good do I get to go to Wal-Mart and get a toy?"

My 7 year old has zero remorse for what she's done and I think the only thing worse than losing these things I adored is the fact that my child seems absolutely oblivious (or uncaring) for what she's done.

I'm open to advice here. What would you do?

Garbled

Today went well but was tough.

New ground rules for me have been established, including this one - I can no longer blog about my Mother but have been asked to do so in a private journal.

There are other rules of course, such as working out daily, going to bed at a routine time each night, making a point to spend "quality time" with the children and my husband doing family activities, and most importantly - focusing on the numerous ways to begin removing this taint that has stained my life and slowly drained me of my identity over the last thirty years.

I just wanted to let everyone know I'm okay and I'm hanging in there. I'm just extremely tired - physically and mentally...and emotionally.

You Just Don't Get It

Today I was rushing around the house frantically, attempting to dress myself and Vincent before his appointment with the Urologist. As I'm running from the living room and up the stairs the phone rings.

It's my Father, with another "message" from my Mother.

She's decided out of the blue that she would like to "eat lunch with Arwen today".

I told my Father no, and he became very uncomfortable, explaining my Mother has it "in her head" to see her "Grandbabies" because she just "loves them" and if I don't allow her to see them she is "taking me to court".

I told my Father to inform my Mother to contact an attorney because I already have (well, kinda!) and that I'd be more than happy to see her in court. I then told him if she doesn't piss off I'm going to file the protection order against her crazy ass.

The appointment to meet with the counselor on Saturday CANNOT get here fast enough. Each time the phone rings now my gut clenches and I feel sick. I can't sleep, can't focus, can't relax.

I have to say, this new found clarity in regard to my Mother is unsettling. For the first time in my life I'm actually "seeing" how manipulative (and narcissistic) she is versus making excuses for her behavior or overlooking it.

Seriously, it's not even been three weeks and she can't even honor my request to leave me alone until I've spoken with someone.

Unstable much - Mom?

And the Sickness Marches On...

I was up all night last night with Logan. His asthma is kicking in, his tongue bright red and full of tiny red bumps. Each time my head hit the pillow and I started to dream, I was awoken again, my clumsy feet leading the way into his room, until I collapsed into a wadded ball at the end of his bed.

I get up from the fetal position this morning and notice a HELLA rash on Annabel. Her tiny leg is covered in bumps and new ones are forming on her hands and arms.

I pack Arwen off to school (fully medicated and on the mend).

One trip to the Doctor confirms - throat infection, and ear infection x2 for Logan. Infentigo for the baby girl.

Right now Jimbo is the only family member not currently taking (or having partaken via shot) an antibiotic.

And all I want is some sleep.