Mom Around the Clock

Epiphany

2010-01-03T20:34:00.000-08:00

I had an epiphany whilst weaving through the hordes at Wal-Mart. But before I share, picture this...

Cart in grip and feet shuffling, I dodged the crowded aisle while making my selections and hoping for a short check out. Then it happened -- a crowded intersection between the children's clothes, cereal, and frozen freezer rack almost turned nasty. Seeing the accident waiting to happen, I hooked a quick left into the shoe department, rushed around the size 8 1/2 ladies pumps, and resumed my trek through the dairy department.

So, that light bulb moment I was telling you about? Well, folks, The Death Star isn't merely a cesspool of one stop shopping. No, no, and no. Now, it will forever and always remind me of... Pac Man.

Blinky, Pinkie, Inky, and Clyde = the shoppers, employees, children, and pallets destined to make you work. While the strawberry, banana, and cherry prizes are the sales that lure you into the pit of Hell in the first place.

I knew my stint as a reigning champ at the local skating ring would come in handy at some point in my life (still waiting for the fruits of my labor on Battle Axe). Please excuse me while I go call my father and inform him video games are in fact worth something.

That Time Again...

2009-12-07T07:28:00.000-08:00

We got our first snow! It wasn't heavy, but was a beautiful sight just the same.

GATORS RAMMER JAMMER YELLOW HAMMER 2009 SEC CHAMPIONSHIP GA

2009-12-06T19:55:00.001-08:00

My team is on to the BSC championship. =-) Rammer Jammer, Yellow Hammer, give em' hell, Alabama!!

What Did You Expect?

2009-12-05T19:04:00.000-08:00

My Mother-in-Law purchased tickets to A Christmas Carol for me and Arwen as a Christmas gift. I was incredibly excited, as it's been years since I've seen a play, and couldn't wait to make the trip.

As we walked inside the building, and waited for the doors to open, I saw not one, but two very small infants. Pushing aside what could possibly become a distraction, I took my daughter inside and purchased her a drink that she had to finish prior to taking our seat. All of the ticket holders were told as we entered, "No food or drinks in the auditorium". Yet, when we arrived, we sat next to a women with one of the aforementioned infants. And seated next to her was a child Arwen's age -- gulping down a cup of soda from the concession stand.

Really, I could go into the other things that occurred when the lights went down -- babies crying (and in their defense, with all the loud and unexpected pyrotechnics, I would be squalling too!), children kicking the back of our seat (after being politely asked to stop), food wrappers being opened, cell phones going off -- but I won't. The purpose of this blog isn't to delve into that. Rather, I'd like to address people who feel that my Mother-in-Law's gift (and money) is less important than what they obviously think is their God given right to be assholes.

What is wrong with people? I don't mean to be a downer, but I was flaggerbasted by the adults who brought food and drink into a place they were specifically asked not to. Then to add insult to injury, decided their phone conversations were so damned important they couldn't shut their Motorola off for an hour and a half to spare the rest of us saps a bit of sanity.

Sadly, the bitch within surfaced, and I not only said something to the woman's child who was kicking my seat (who refused to stop after several warnings), but I was also forced to explain to my daughter (within earshot of the child her age and the mother that refused to follow the rules) that some people don't have the sense God gave a cockroach.

It was only after my declarations that the idiots in my vicinity threw away their drinks, chided their heathen children, and allowed my daughter, Mother-in-Law, and me to enjoy the second half of the play in peace. Word to the wise, peeps. You don't want to be called out for being a douche, then don't be a douche! Seriously, what do you expect?

Here are a few pictures. The cast was wonderful enough to pose for pictures and to give autographs. It's a shame they had to perform with cell phones blaring and babies screaming.

My Buddy / Kid Sister

2009-12-01T09:41:00.001-08:00

Speaking of old school Christmas gifts...Anyone remember this?

Madness!

2009-12-01T09:26:00.000-08:00

December 1st in our home marks the descent into the chaos that is Christmas. That's not to say we don't love the holiday, or that Christmas music isn't blasting from the stereo in the living room all day. Rather, my children are getting older, and that means we are bombarded with gift requests to relay to Santa that don't involve cheap dolls, trucks, or tinker blocks.

When I was a child, I was fortunate to get a couple of the "big" presents I really wanted. But that was before the invention of the super expensive Wii, PS3, and X-Box. Not to mention all those nifty and cool action figures, dolls, and accessories. With four children, that Christmas list begins to look more and more like a credit card statement.

Now I understand why my parents detested those commercials that sank their teeth into us and had us begging for the latest and greatest Care Bear.

Back On Track?

2009-11-28T07:57:00.000-08:00

Hello World! Long time no see, huh?

The drama in my family hasn't gone away, but I'm relieved to say the court portion of it all is over and done with. Now we have to focus on the children and counseling. So, that's that.

If I can, I'm going to visit and catch up on some blogs this weekend. I went over to see Susan and I plan on hopping to a few others as time permits.

The kiddos are doing great. I've added a few pictures below. I hope everyone had a fantastic Thanksgiving!

Long Time Gone

2009-08-25T06:45:00.000-07:00

Hello Everyone!

Wow, I've really neglected this blog and I must confess something - I feel terrible about it. I suppose honesty is the best policy so here goes. The truth is, I know I can't talk about the one thing I want to most here - the ongoing dispute with my Mother.

The court date looms, each day bringing it closer. That's all well and good but knowing I will soon face the woman behind all this madness has gotten me in a frazzled state, and I know I'll turn to this venue to work out my demons.

When this ugliness is all said and done, I'll return to my normal routine. I plan on checking on everyone's blogs this week and apologize now for not doing so. I suppose a selfish part of me doesn't want to make this harder and by visiting everyone I know because I'll miss them all the more and will have to start over from scratch.

I know this is just a blog. I know I only know most of you via comments shared. But the way I feel about you, your families, and your shared experiences is something I take very seriously. I've tried to find appeasement by working my rear off (the writing is going remarkably well) but it's hollow in comparison.

This should all be said and done (God willing) by the end of October. Any and all prayers are appreciated.

Shocked...

2009-06-12T12:40:00.000-07:00

I just got the news today...Both of my stories (submitted to separate publishers) have been accepted for online publication and Print on Demand.

I'm absolutely speechless and stunned. I'll keep you updated on the release dates.

1,000

2009-06-04T19:39:00.001-07:00

This is my 1,000th post.

Wow.

Huzzah!!!!

Let's celebrate with a GOOD Mom Confession, shall we? This one goes back to the days I was still fertile, but just roll with it.

Even though it was obvious I was sexually "experienced", I was STILL embarrassed about purchasing contraceptives during check-out at Hell-Mart with my four wildebeest children in tow.

I don't know what the cashier thought when she came across the box of condoms hidden between the Frosted Flakes and Lucky Charms. But since my oldest child was climbing into and out of the cart, her brothers were attached to each of my legs, and the infant was clawing and grasping at my head, I think it was something along the lines of:

"Lady, you've started protecting yourself WAAAYYYY too late."

Hang Ten...or Fifteen...

2009-06-04T19:25:00.000-07:00

Back to the normalcy (or what is normal for me) of my blog. It's a topic all of us, both male and female, can relate to. It's something that comes with age. Mother nature's way of reminding us about the inescapable things in life...

Like aging.

Metabolism, where oh where have you gone? Once upon a time you were good to me. I respected you, and in turn, you gave me a broad leeway. We had a great understanding and rapport then. I always knew when to back off the sweets and treats and you rewarded this with leniency and a wistful smile.

Now, you laugh at my offering, padding me up like a thanksgiving bird in preparation for the big day. I don't have drumsticks, I have ham bones. And the harder I try to please you, the more you mock me.

Now the stair climber and weighs are beckoning, promising to do what my body refuses to.

Exercise...Damn it, I got enough PE in high school.

Pictures

2009-06-03T14:35:00.000-07:00

I know it's been forever since I've posted any up. A few of these are older (end of school year and Easter) but you can see how everyone's grown.

And yes, Annabel is a total ham - and she knows it.

Shhhh! I won't tell if you won't...

2009-06-02T10:57:00.000-07:00

Technically, I'm breaking a counselor rule here. I'm not supposed to discuss my Mother or the things going on with her. I'm supposed to journal "privately"...but where is the fun in that??

So...two weeks ago Jimbo and I flew out to Colorado Springs for business. It was a trip for his company, and aside from a plane ticket, it was free. It was the first time we've been alone like this in 5 years (since Logan was born) and we couldn't wait. We arrived ready to relax and immerse ourselves in one another.

Oh, and we were also there for something else - to make a solid decision and time frame on when we would re-involve ourselves with my Mom.

Then it happened...

On the second day of the trip, Tuesday to be exact, we got the call from his Mother who was staying at our home to babysit the children. My Mother got an attorney and were were "served". She's suing us for grandparent visitation.

There is a TON going on right now, as you can probably imagine. She has refused time and time again to give me time to deal with the emotional aspects of what she's done, refused to give me space to find common ground. Instead she's chosen to proceed as she always does - as SHE wants.

It's actually sad but fitting that she chose to do this. Jimbo said she was walking the line and if she tried something like this, he was done with her. While she's my Mother, she put this upon herself. We didn't start this, ask for this, or encourage this - but we will see it to fruition.

We have an attorney and she should have gotten the news by now - we fully intend to fight her in court.

It's a mess, a heartbreaking one, and something that never had to happen.

Summertime

2009-06-02T09:53:00.001-07:00

Summer is here...

And out goes my sanity.

It's cool. I have the hubs on speed dial, 911 programmed into the phone, and a bottle of Valium with my name on them.

I'm going to be visiting blogs today to say hello to everyone (I have missed you greatly) as soon as my children are down for a nap (huzzah!). Then, I'm vegging out on the couch and enjoying the silence while it lasts.

Summertime = the school system's reminder of why you don't mind paying those tax dollars for a quality (or not so much, depending on region) education.

Quick Update

2009-05-16T07:08:00.000-07:00

I am not dead, even though you may think so. I've just been so busy I can't find time to do the simple things in life - like resting for more than 5 minute intervals.

The end of school means IEP meetings galore. Logan has to meet with Gleenwood for his new evaluation, that means more meetings. Vincent has meetings about his speech therapy. Arwen has meetings because she continues to get into trouble at school.

Then I have all of these doctors appointments (hyperthyroid again, blah), problems with the van (fixed), and all of the other stuff that comes in life.

Wanted to drop by and say hello. I've missed the blogosphere. I've missed reading about everyone. Hope you all are well. And I hope to be able to blog when this settles (school is over in one week and while I'm glad the meetings will end, it means it's me v/s 4 children - EEK!!)

Susan Boyle - Singer - Britains Got Talent 2009 (With Lyrics)

2009-04-15T13:56:00.001-07:00

This gave me goosebumps.

How do you punish this?

2009-04-13T07:59:00.000-07:00

I'm livid, furious, angry. I could rip out my hair, scream at the top of my lungs, punch a wall or the nearest tree. Thank god I managed to control myself and only let those volatile emotions come through in the form of screaming.

My 7 year old daughter just decided to climb into the window via the assistance of my curio cabinet. Nestled atop this cabinet are the Windstone Unicorns I've amassed as gifts over the years (for those not familiar with them, the cheapest one is the baby and starts at $60. The others range from $80-150) as well as numerous unicorns, music boxes, and gifts from friends and family.

Of course the curio tipped, it's not meant to be used a climbing device. I was just pulling the crock pot down to prepare a roast for dinner when I heard the crash. When I arrived to the scene all of the Windstones (minus the baby one) were destroyed. The most treasured in the bunch (pictured above) and my favorite was broken into over a dozen pieces. The things inside didn't fare much better and I had to pull a garbage can from outside and throw away things that are tied to certain events in the past (christmas, an anniversary, a birthday as a child).

The thing is, after I was done railing at my daugther and had begun cleaning up the mess I calmed enough to tell her, "After this I expect a good report from school from you". She responds with, "If I'm good do I get to go to Wal-Mart and get a toy?"

My 7 year old has zero remorse for what she's done and I think the only thing worse than losing these things I adored is the fact that my child seems absolutely oblivious (or uncaring) for what she's done.

I'm open to advice here. What would you do?

Garbled

2009-04-04T21:19:00.000-07:00

Today went well but was tough.

New ground rules for me have been established, including this one - I can no longer blog about my Mother but have been asked to do so in a private journal.

There are other rules of course, such as working out daily, going to bed at a routine time each night, making a point to spend "quality time" with the children and my husband doing family activities, and most importantly - focusing on the numerous ways to begin removing this taint that has stained my life and slowly drained me of my identity over the last thirty years.

I just wanted to let everyone know I'm okay and I'm hanging in there. I'm just extremely tired - physically and mentally...and emotionally.

You Just Don't Get It

2009-04-02T10:48:00.000-07:00

Today I was rushing around the house frantically, attempting to dress myself and Vincent before his appointment with the Urologist. As I'm running from the living room and up the stairs the phone rings.

It's my Father, with another "message" from my Mother.

She's decided out of the blue that she would like to "eat lunch with Arwen today".

I told my Father no, and he became very uncomfortable, explaining my Mother has it "in her head" to see her "Grandbabies" because she just "loves them" and if I don't allow her to see them she is "taking me to court".

I told my Father to inform my Mother to contact an attorney because I already have (well, kinda!) and that I'd be more than happy to see her in court. I then told him if she doesn't piss off I'm going to file the protection order against her crazy ass.

The appointment to meet with the counselor on Saturday CANNOT get here fast enough. Each time the phone rings now my gut clenches and I feel sick. I can't sleep, can't focus, can't relax.

I have to say, this new found clarity in regard to my Mother is unsettling. For the first time in my life I'm actually "seeing" how manipulative (and narcissistic) she is versus making excuses for her behavior or overlooking it.

Seriously, it's not even been three weeks and she can't even honor my request to leave me alone until I've spoken with someone.

Unstable much - Mom?

And the Sickness Marches On...

2009-03-31T19:00:00.000-07:00

I was up all night last night with Logan. His asthma is kicking in, his tongue bright red and full of tiny red bumps. Each time my head hit the pillow and I started to dream, I was awoken again, my clumsy feet leading the way into his room, until I collapsed into a wadded ball at the end of his bed.

I get up from the fetal position this morning and notice a HELLA rash on Annabel. Her tiny leg is covered in bumps and new ones are forming on her hands and arms.

I pack Arwen off to school (fully medicated and on the mend).

One trip to the Doctor confirms - throat infection, and ear infection x2 for Logan. Infentigo for the baby girl.

Right now Jimbo is the only family member not currently taking (or having partaken via shot) an antibiotic.

And all I want is some sleep.

The longest call...

2009-03-30T10:30:00.000-07:00

Today I took life by the balls, calling up the counseling services provided by Jimbo's employer. It was one of the most difficult calls I've ever made, placing myself bare and raw across a phone line to someone I've never met and don't know.

The girl on the other end was very nice, listening attentively and taking down my information. She referred me to someone in my area and I had to make yet another call - this time leaving a message that I realize now was garbled and difficult to understand.

Hopefully the counselor managed to salvage my phone number from within the confines of the rambling message and will call me back to arrange an appointment.

On one hand, it's terrifying. On the other - it's one HELL of a relief.

In Living Color - Delta Airlines Ebonics

2009-03-27T12:43:00.001-07:00

Okay - this is SO not politically correct but I laughed my ass off. Go ahead, flame away, but I dare you not to chuckle!

I'm not depressed!

2009-03-27T07:44:00.001-07:00

I took a trip to see my family doctor. She's still new to me but so far I like her. She gets the "girl" thing better than my male physician did previously. I was certain she would understand my need for a medication to get me through this short period of stress in my life. Considering everything that has transpired.

I told her everything - minus my nice imparting words to my sister - and she listened thoughtfully. I explained I didn't want a long term medication, just something to ease the way for the next few weeks. I've been unable to sleep, I'm edgy and nervous, and it's slowly taking a toll.

She tells me she'll, "put something together that will work for me", and then leaves the room. When she returns she hands me a sample of Lexapro and a prescription for it as well.

Let me just say I think Lexapro is an awesome antidepressant. I used it for several months after Annabel's birth. It got me through a really difficult time and I praise it's gloom eclipsing glory.

BUT.

I am not depressed.

And this isn't the first time I've had someone try to pawn off a medication like this for anxiety. (When I was busting my balls, working a two jobs and attending college full-time, my 'then' doctor tried to do the exact same thing.)

I suppose she worries depression might follow and it's simply smart thinking on her behalf. But what in the hell am I supposed to do in the meantime while I'm still losing sleep and I have an occasional but debilitating panic attack?

For the first time in my life, I demanded something for my nerves. I've never, EVER, told a Doctor to prescribe me something before. But I knew that if my family contacted me, I would need something more than Lexapro to smooth the way. She didn't like it but complied with my request and gave a prescription for Xanax.

For those of you that read the blog, especially if you deal with anxiety like this, do you have to ask for something to keep you from losing your shit during stressful periods? Was I wrong to tell her the Lexapro is well and good but I just don't need it?

Get out of Jail Free Card

2009-03-27T07:39:00.000-07:00

When she smiles at me, I forgive her anything.

OKLAHOMA "People Will Say We're In Love"

2009-03-26T10:11:00.001-07:00

Everyone has one romantic movie they can't get enough of, one they go back to time and again, and Oklahoma is mine. I fell in love with Gordon MacRae in middle school and have loved him ever since.

Anyhow, this is one of my absolute favorite songs from the musical.

"That" kind of Person

2009-03-24T12:00:00.000-07:00

So today I go into the Neuro's office and the nurse notices the tattoo on my forearm (it's new, got it a few weeks ago) and says, "Well, look at you with a tattoo. You don't look like that kind of person."

This got me to thinking, what does a "tattoo person" look like? Truth be told, when I didn't look like one to her observant eyes, I had three. Sure they are all in nifty locations on my body that make them difficult to see, but they still exist.

So tell me, what does a "tattoo person" look like? Do I need a Harley, set of leathers and a couple of piercings?

Let's talk about Sex

2009-03-23T09:35:00.000-07:00

This is the last blog entry of the day, I've just been retaining this stuff while on bed rest with strep.

I spoke with the editor regarding my book last week and those necessary revisions on the road to publishing. And, while I'm open to shifting things around, the changes aren't exactly what I had in mind.

The truth is this. My book, while technically a romance, doesn't include sex. The story focuses on the developing relationship between the hero and heroine and the obstacles that come between them rather than the actual - "bumping of the uglies".

Which brings me to the problem at hand. I was asked to include a "consummated love scene" into my story.

I won't go into too many details, other than to say the story has a sequel and in it the the star crossed duo make love for the first time. But I will confess my sadness that times have changed so much sex is necessary to sell what is essentially a "love" story.

You can have love without sex - right?

Really? I didn't know that!

2009-03-23T09:25:00.000-07:00

Jimbo walks into the room holding our new laptop. He has it braced under his arm, fingers wrapped around the bottom.

"Hey baby," he says, walking over to me.

"What's up?" I ask, spinning around in the chair.

"I'm not sure if you know this, but when you carry the laptop, carry it like this." He models his hold and then maneuvers it around, clutching it with just his fingers. "Don't carry it like this, you know, just in case."

I stare at him and then smirk. "Really, I would never have thought of that."

I love my husband, but sometimes he can be really stupid.

A Delicate Matter

2009-03-23T09:10:00.000-07:00

I've avoided blogging about this because...well...it's personal. Not for me but for my youngest son. After some contemplation I decided he will be none the wiser if I blog about this topic and honestly, I need to vent.

For the last year, we've had issues in potty training. When Vincent turned 4 the hubs and I pretty much knew it was "time" for him to get with the program. But all of our bribes, all of our encouragement, all of our everything - just didn't work.

In the last couple of months he's reverted to "holding it". You'll see him on the floor making odd motions, grabbing himself, and generally bringing attention to the matter. Yet when we take him to the toilet he'll let out a small amount of urine and say "all done", refusing to relieve himself. After several hours, he'll be in agony, holding myself and crying. Most of the time I'm forced to place him into a tub of warm water to force the issue and get him going. Then he'll release a fountain that cannot be contained (it's even worse if by some chance this let down occurs and he's in his pull-up).

The doctor arranged for an ultrasound today to check his little kidneys and waterworks. He was a little champ during the procedure and on the trip home. I just hope they can tell me what is going on with my son. It's terrible as a parent to watch your child in agony but being unable to alleviate it.

Blah!!

2009-03-21T16:07:00.000-07:00

Started as a moderate sore throat, then became a fever. I was up all night because I could no longer swallow without excruciating pain.

After a trip to the Doc in a box it's official - I have strep throat.

The doctor swears the shot in my rear will take effect and I'll be much better tomorrow. Please lord make it so!

P.S. Forgot to mention, my boys had to visit their pediatrician Thursday - they have it too. You know what they say - the family that germinates together, stays together!

O.M.G.

2009-03-18T19:16:00.000-07:00

Got an email today, from the publisher, and included was this sentence:

If you would be willing to do revisions and resubmit directly to me, I would be happy to consider your story for publication.

I never knew being so happy could make someone feel so sick.

I'll keep you posted!

The Snuggie

2009-03-17T13:29:00.001-07:00

Hate to break it to you but I already have a "snuggie". It's called my robe. *wink*

The "Book" Situation

2009-03-17T12:42:00.001-07:00

I realized today while overlooking my blog that I never told you what became of the interest in my book. The truth is - I don't know. The editor wrote to tell me she's still reading and will get back to me as soon as she is able (had a death in the family).

To be honest, I went back and read the material and *hides* I don't like it. I'm not sure why...I just don't.

However -

I wrote another story after the first was complete and polished it up, sending out queries to a few agents and publishers. I was asked for a synopsis and the first fifty pages a little over a week ago by one of the agents at the top of my list.

So...

I have a feeling this is going to be a long and tedious process, but compared to the family drama I've had going on, it'll be cake.

Guilty Pleasure

2009-03-17T12:36:00.000-07:00

We all have one. Something that just puts a leap in your step and a smile on your face. This is my guilty pleasure...

What's yours?

So far, so Good

2009-03-17T05:39:00.000-07:00

Yesterday went off without a hitch(with the exception of Arwen and she's doing well). It was a relief, but I don't know how long this calm will hold before the storm. Thank you everyone for your well wishes and support. Sometimes just knowing other people understand makes you feel like less of an anomaly.

Tania - to answer your question - this is more than ongoing. Since the birth of our second child, there has been tension in the family. It boils down to one thing really - control. My Mother wants total control when it comes to my children. She wants to decide when she gets them (without notice), where she takes them (without prior consent from us), and how long she keeps them (she'll drop them off when she is good and ready). That is the root of the problem, along with Jimbo's refusal to allow this to continue.

I didn't blog about it but the day before my Aunt passed away my Mother pulled the shame old garbage. She showed up at my home unexpectedly (while Jimbo was at work I might add) and told me she'd made a doctor's appointment for Annabel for her skin (she's got eczema too). At the time I had a stomach bug and told her we'd have to reschedule (and to be fair, I didn't feel my daughter needed to go to the doctor). She forced the issue, threatening to take Annabel by force if she had to. At that point I told her to leave and explained I didn't feel well to start. So she pulled her favorite threat from her pocket, "I call the police and report you for neglect!"

Long story short - I guzzled some Imodium for the upset tummy and made the trip. And guess what? The doctor said Annabel was absolutely FINE and nothing was wrong with her.

I decided after that incident I didn't want her around anymore, but then Laura died. Her unexpected and untimely passing reminded me of just how little time we are given in this world, and I forgave but didn't necessarily forget.

Now this has happened.

To be 100% honest here, I think my Sister and Mother are suffering from a chemical imbalance. Their elevator doesn't go to the top most of the time.

I can't recall the number of times my Sister has called here complaining my Mother did this or that (her arguments always revolve around money. My Sister is currently in the market for a new vehicle but as she doesn't work, she expects my Mother or her fiance's family to provide for her) and then spends an hour whining about how bad she has it or how wrong it is my Mother purchased something new for herself when, "I need a new car!"

Did I mention my Sister currently drives a 2003 Lincoln Navigator?

There are many differences between us but I'll name a few so you get a general idea of the seperation.

I cook - they eat the fast food window. I do laundry - they purchase new clothes to avoid it. I am on a budget - they are constantly struggling with money. I stay at home with my kids - they are always on the road somewhere. I shop for my clothing and such at Target - they both have credit cards to various stores in the mall.

And then you have the big difference. They'll say and do whatever it takes to get what they want. They don't care if they hurt your feelings in the process. In fact, if they are angry enough, that's exactly what they go for - the gut. Nothing is sacred.

Strep Throat

2009-03-16T15:45:00.000-07:00

Arwen woke up this morning and I inspected her skin. The rash she had wasn't necessarily worse but it wasn't better either. I decided to take her into the pediatrician just to be safe and it's a good thing I did.

Turns out she has strep throat (a first in our home) and the strep in turn has caused her eczema to flare into infintigo. She's fully medicated and on the mend but keeping her apart from the other children for a full week is going to be impossible.

Fun stuff.

Rough Night

2009-03-16T05:31:00.000-07:00

I slept horribly. Each time I closed my eyes it was the same thing - reliving the events that transpired hours beforehand.

I went back and re-read my previous post. In retrospect, it seems very Jerry Springerish. Fighting with relatives as an adult. I always imagined I might have issues in my life with my marriage, not with those I have been surrounded by a good portion of my life.

My poor Father is also feeling the sting. My Mother is terrified we are going to press charges and she will "lose her security clearance". So early this morning she got dressed (along with my Sister) and drove up to the court house to make sure Jimbo didn't go up there to file something against her. What's laughable (insert sarcasm here) is that Jimbo also has to have clearance for his job as well. I suppose it's fine if he loses his income because of her antics but her livelihood off limits.

I don't know which is worse. Her total lack of regard of our needed income (if he loses his clearance we're in the shit) or the fact she's so mental she actually drove up to the court house this morning on the off chance he was going there. By the way, doesn't that classify as a form of harassment? Or is it considered stalking?

I told my Father we are not pressing charges but she needs to leave me the hell alone. I told him I can't take it anymore. He agrees that would be best for all involved.

So...

Right now I'm in a dark place. I don't know what to do. I'm seriously considering contacting someone to go talk to. I've never spoken with someone before (i.e. counseling) but right now I need to let this out.

I'm tired of being afraid and of being cornered and threatened, and I'm tired of worrying something might happen to my Mother or Sister and I'll regret losing that time we could have "gotten along" because I put a fork in them.

But sometimes you have to concede and accept that this is the way things have to be. Right?

Birthday Hoedown at the Ponderosa

2009-03-15T19:23:00.000-07:00

Picture this if you will:

Me in my driveway.

Make-up - impeccable. Hair - wet and wild. Dressed in nothing but a robe. Slurs are being uttered, insults flung, anger peaks and my big red button signal blares. I lift my arms, extending both hands, creating impossibly proportioned and balanced "bird" fingers. Then I open my mouth and scream wildly - "FUCK YOU!"

Now, for the rest of the story...

My day started out great. Spent time with the family, decided at 2:00pm. to get ready to go out with hubs and kids for pizza and possibly a movie. Approx 2:35pm my Mother, Sister, and 18 month old niece arrive with a gift for me. I thank them, we talk. My oldest daughter begins to complain that she, "wants to go with granny". This behavior persists. My Mother notices rash on daughter, says she will "take her to the clinic". I give the okay BUT insist I must talk to Jimbo first.

I go down the stairs and the hubs says, "No, if our daughter is going to an unknown clinic, we need to take her ourselves." I tell him I will tell my Mother no. He sighs and says "forget about it." I tell him again I will tell her no and he says, "No, your Mother will only do what she wants to anyway."

My Mother hears this and proceeds down the stairs.

An argument erupts, Jimbo remains seated and tells my Mother to leave. She doesn't. I take my niece from her arms and tell my husband and Mom to take it outside. He asks her to leave again, she doesn't. She begins insulting Jimbo, calling him a "control freak" and other insulting and reprehensible things. He reacts as she intended, stands and walks to her. I turn away, watching the argument unfold from the reflection of the television screen.

My Mother lunges at my husband and he reacts defensively, throwing out his hands to grasp her shoulders. She falls to the ground and I spin at the same time, averting my eyes from the screen and searching for her directly, worried that she's hurt herself.

Then I see it.

My Mother is staring at me with this expression of pure terror and violation - wanting me to believe that my husband is responsible for her accident, insinuating that he hit her. Jimbo backs away, hands raised, yelling all the while, "I didn't touch her!" even though I know he didn't, even as I know he didn't do anything wrong. My Mother continues staring at me, waiting for me to react, to lash out at Jimbo.

What I say next wipes that victimized look from her face.

"Mother, he never touched you. I was watching everything from the reflection of the television."

She lurches to her feet in outrage, stomping up the stairs. My sister hollers "where is my baby!" I hurry up the stairs and say, "she is here", handing her over. My Mother whips around, raging at me for not defending her against my husband. When I tell her directly that he never touched her she admits she tripped, but then proceeds to say, "but he had no right to touch me!"

As if her striking him was an appropriate response and defending himself was abhorrent.

As I go into the kitchen, my Mother and sister lash out. I walk forward, toward the door. My sister's swing misses me - barely. I argue with them and tell them to leave. My sister comes at me again, only to retreat after a solid kick has sent me into the dining room, "I have my baby in my arms, Jaime!"

They go into the garage, rushing outside. "We'll see you in court", my Mother says. Then my sister calls me worthless, a pill head, a piece of shit sister and daughter that cares more for her husband and his family than she does her own. Then she threatens me with DHR.

"I'm calling DHR, you just wait!"

My threshold breaks. My very own sister is throwing my biggest fear into my face - the future of my children.

And she knows it.

My body heats and I lose my collective shit. I lift my hands, let the winged angels fly, and scream, "FUCK YOU!". Then I inform my sister I need to change into my clothes, but if she wants a piece of my action, I'll be right down in a minute.

She calls me a coward as she slides into my Mother's car with her infant in tow and she and my Mother blessedly leave my home.

My birthday was shit and it's not the first one my toxic family has ruined. But you know what I've decided?

It's the last.

P.S. I called the police and filed a report. I won't take this shit. Not anymore.

Another Birthday

2009-03-15T10:49:00.001-07:00

This year, instead of focusing on the dreaded "age" factor, I'm going to remind myself of all the reasons to be grateful. I'm still here, surrounded by those I love most in my life. I woke to a decorated table with homemade cupcakes, a boisterous surprise yell from the kiddos, and a kiss from the hubs. We're taking the kids out for lunch this afternoon and possibly a movie together.

What more could a gal ask for? I'll settle for being lucky enough to experience the exact same thing next year.

Email!

2009-03-13T20:19:00.000-07:00

One last post for the day.

For those of you I've emailed (Tania is the exception! She's already hip to the new way to contact me) I've changed my email.

So if you've emailed me in the last 4 months *blush* I've missed it! I had to change it to something easier for people to remember and to alleviate all the spam I was receiving (over 20 or more per day!)

If you want my new email, just post to this and I'll comment on your blog and you can just erase it afterward.

Logan's Birthday

2009-03-13T20:04:00.001-07:00

Granted, this video is older (August 19th of last year, Logan's 5th birthday), but it makes me smile.

How Much?

2009-03-13T19:42:00.000-07:00

I just noticed something today. Something totally random that got me to thinking...

How many of you -

Use tons of shampoo instead of the recommended "dime sized" amount?

Leave your conditioner on for 15 seconds instead of a minute and rinse?

Say to hell with measuring and drink your Pepto Bismol directly from the container?

Gurgle the Listerine as long as your scorching gums and mouth can take it (generally 10-15 seconds for me) instead of the suggested 30?

Use a "handful" of toilet paper, irregardless of the reasons for your visit to the throne?

Slosh whatever amount of detergent you desire into the washing machine, be it one item of clothing or a entire load?

Don't preheat the oven but just plop whatever item of food you need baked into the stove and hope for the best?

Anyone else guilty of this? Or am I just a rebel?

Circus Pictures

2009-03-13T12:45:00.000-07:00

Wow, thanks for the love girls (Shelley,Rae,Tania!) I've missed you too. Here are the photo's from the circus. I'm battling a gnarly stomach virus at the moment, so I'll blog more when I'm not rushing to and from the porcelain god!

That last photo cracks me up by the way (was taken after the circus when we took the kids to Pizza Hut). I'll take a few new ones of Ms. Annabel to share too. She's grown so much!

Special Needs

2009-03-11T11:34:00.000-07:00

My poor blog has gone to the toilet, but it's not my fault - well, not completely.

The last couple of months have been focused on preparing Logan for kindergarten. We've quizzed, colored, prepped, sang, danced, and worked with his teachers to get him as prepared and able as he can be. Yet even with the educational requirements being met and knowing our son is more than ready for the academic portions of school, his social interactions and stimulus behaviors are still a concern.

We met for his second semester conference and I knew what was coming. I'm his Mother. I see him get excited by loud noises or images. I know that he'll flap his hands, hit the top of his head, spin in circles, or just plain squeal in delight. Jimbo on the other hand, took it hard. And I understand. This is our son and as much as we love him (and always will) he continues to stay in a certain place developmentally while his younger siblings pass him by.

But like it or not, Logan just isn't ready to be integrated into a public school system without an aide present to assist him.

No big deal, right?

I wish.

Since this new stimulus package by Obama has cut school funding, the aide present at the public school Logan would attend was "let go". So we have no other option but to place him into a program inside a public school (aka special education) with the facilities and funding to give my son exactly what he needs.

Hopefully, he will be given the opportunity to attend the kindergarten classes and will only be removed when absolutely necessary. The goal is to prepare him for first grade at his home school next year, but I'm not thinking that far ahead. Right now is difficult enough.

On a positive note, we took the children to the circus again this year. We had a blast. There is no better feeling in this world than observing awe through the eyes of your children. I'll try to get the pictures cropped and edited and share a few.

Number on the Fridge

2009-02-13T08:43:00.000-08:00

Tuesday morning I was sitting in the love seat, sipping on my must have cup o java. The sun was shining, the temp outside my window a nice and cool 57 degrees. The skies were clear, the birds were chirping, and it seemed all was right with the world. Then the phone rang, and what started out as a potentially awesome day turned to shit.

My Aunt had passed away the night before from a massive heart attack.

This was a woman I adored from the first time we met. I was an idealistic 9 year old at the time, still trapped in that middle ground between youth and young adulthood. One that adored horses so much her bedroom walls, shelves, and ceiling was adorned with figurines, posters and stickers of the four legged creatures.

So naturally, when I met my Uncles new girlfriend Laura, a fellow horsehound and kindred spirit - I was in love. And strangely, so was she. I would go visit my Dad each weekend (parents were divorced) and would ask the minute I set rear inside his massive red Chevy truck "are we going to see Aunt Laura?" He used to tease me by asking, "do you come to visit me or her on the weekend?"

I spent several summers on her farm, chasing the horses in the pasture, pestering the pigs and chickens around the house, and sometimes I'd just climb into the loft of the barn and soak in the delicious scent of sweet feed that permeated the entire place during the summer.

It was a magical time, and at the center was Aunt Laura.

She did other things for me through the years, bestowing gifts every little girl dreams of, like a pony with a big red bow in the front yard for Christmas (I was 10) but the thing I loved best about her was the way I could talk to her about anything. She never treated me like a child, never acted as if I were inferior because of the fifteen year age gap between us.

Then one day Laura decided her partying days with my Uncle and his crew had come to an end, and shortly after, they broke up. It was devastating, but I understood. She'd been abusing narcotics for years and I was proud of her for making the difficult choice and getting away from the lifestyle.

She cut my Uncle from her life but not me, and I truly believe the reason I didn't dally in the drug infested culture that is high school was a direct result of watching the suffering she endured to get clean.

Then, around 12 years ago, she met and married a man. She soon became pregnant and had a child of her own - Mikaela Lee. I continued to call and visit when I could but her old man didn't care for the reminder of her previous relationship (aka me) and eventually, we fell out of touch.

A few months ago, I got a call from my sister, along with Laura's telephone number. She had bumped into her at a gas station and she'd asked about me. I jotted the number down on one of the school calendar's on the fridge, intending to call after supper was eaten and baths were taken care of - but it didn't go according to plan. By the next morning, I was packing kids off to school, preparing lunches, and I totally forgot about the number on the fridge.

And now, I'll never get to make that phone call.

Space in the Middle

2009-02-04T08:00:00.000-08:00

I've been a terrible blogger. I apologize. All I can offer as a weak defense is it's been crazy here, especially with the little bitty baby I've offered to help care for. I figured another little person in the mix wouldn't hurt...what was I smoking?

So now to the anomaly I was introduced to last night, something Jimbo assures me is completely normal behavior for guys.

Last night we went to see Underworld Rise of the Lycaon's (awesome by the way) and for the longest time we were all alone in the theater. About 10 minutes before it started three men come in together, stepping into the middle aisle to pick their seats. Since I was bored, I watched with a passing interest, frowning in confusion when they sat down with an empty seat left purposely between them.

At first I thought they must have girlfriends in the ladies room, but as time dragged on with no sign of their women, I knocked shoulder's with Jimbo and whispered "what's up with those guys and the empty seats?"

He grinned at the question and told me, "Men don't sit next to each other at the movies."

And what do you know, before the movie starts, another two men came in and did the same thing.

So what's up with this phenomenon? Are guys afraid if they sit next to another male in a darkened room they might somehow contract homosexuality? Or is it just an unwritten rule that I can't comprehend because I have different chromosomes?

I have to say, the best part of the night was when the trailer for this new flick called "I love you, Man" previewed. It's about a man that's getting married but has no guy friends and he has to start going on man date's to procure a best man. The portion of the trailer where one date leans in and gives Paul Rudd a little something extra at the end of the night was particularly excellent. I could see all of the men with seats spaced out squirming.

Space it out all you want hombre's. The movie screen will reveal your insecurities - every time!

Guts Or Balls?

2009-01-10T18:10:00.000-08:00

My sister sent me this and I had to share...

Guts or Balls? There is a medical distinction. We've all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really know the difference between them?In an effort to keep you informed, and to alleviate further confusion, the following definitions are listed below:

GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: 'Are you still cleaning,or are you flying somewhere?'

BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: 'You're next, Chubby.'

HALLELUJAH

2009-01-03T20:12:00.001-08:00

This is the most amazing version of this song I've ever heard, it gives me goosebumps.

After about the twentieth listen, I had to share!

Jizz In My Pants

2008-12-22T21:39:00.001-08:00

This is totally NOT appropriate but I laughed so hard - I guess I have potty humor!

Post Oak Light Show - White Trash Christmas

2008-12-19T13:48:00.001-08:00

Okay the light show isn't the reason I posted this - the SONG is.

I LOVE this song - give it a listen.

*sings* It's a White Trash Christmas!

Cubby dances to Beyonce's Single Ladies Video

2008-12-13T17:24:00.001-08:00

Okay, you've seen everyone do this - but NOT quite like this. ;)

How Long?

2008-12-12T15:54:00.000-08:00

Until my kids grasp these concepts -

The toilet is meant to be flushed.

Toilet paper is intended to be flushed, not thrown into the waste basket.

And the bathroom is not a playroom.

Holy Mother - pray for me.

A Confession - Not necessarily a "Mom" One

2008-12-12T06:47:00.000-08:00

Okay - I've been committing a huge blog No-No. The one in which I'm not being honest with myself and using this venue as a place of solace and comfort, a place where those awesome people I visit (or that visit me) can read and offer encouragement, support, or just a "I know what you mean!"

So what's my confession - well, a couple of people know, so it's not a huge secret - but still...

I recently finished writing something - a supernatural/paranormal love story. There is turmoil and upheaval, the heroine learns about herself and discovers love for the first time. It's that kind of tale.

When I finished, a few people in my life asked if they could read it. I was absolutely petrified of the notion that someone would actually read what I created inside my warped brain, but I caved in, printing it out and passing it along. I was surprised (and stupified) to discover they actually liked it. In fact, they told me I should consider trying to get published. I scoffed at the notion, cause let's face it, I ain't no Stephenie Meyer people! And family and friends are supposed to tell you, "I love what you've done honey, it's so good!" Even if you've written the biggest steaming pile o' shit.

But I decided to tweak the story anyway, work on the manuscript obsessively, and finally had it to a place where I thought, "it's not that bad."

Well, I started researching what it takes to get published, uncovering the terrifying truths about agents, publishing companies, queries, and submissions. I googled, went to Barnes and Noble, visited the library. I have printed out hints, suggestions, and names from Agent Query. Then I tried to find a 'fit' for my story (which is honestly been a terrible experience in and of itself) to narrow down the people I would eventually query for potential representation.

It has been a nightmare, but even worse, was attempting to write a decent query. Seriously, I have visited blogs, websites, and have read how-to books and I'm still confused. One place says - DO NOT do A, B, or C. The next says - DEFINITELY do A, B, and C. I fought with myself, taking over two weeks, and sloshed through, producing a terrible rendition of one. Then I had the pleasure of explaining in 5 pages what takes place in 96,000 words of text (that's roughly 400 pages of book people) in a synopsis to accompany said query.

But the worst was yet to come - I just didn't know it yet. I thought after I had the query and synopsis, the names and the emails, I would simply mail out my stuff and hope for the best. What I didn't expect what the terrible pressure inside my stomach that has caused me to hug the toilet for several days now, caused by the mere action of pressing "send" on each individual email. Because let me tell you, each punch of the enter key was like ripping my heart out of my chest and throwing it on the ground in front of a steam roller.

Am I afraid of rejection? Sure I am. But strangely, it's slightly more than that. What started out as a hobby (okay, a monumental stress relief, which has become an addiction - I've finished off another story already, which is completely different) is now making me sick. It's strange because, well, I enjoyed writing the book and the concept of keeping it 'hidden'. Hell, my husband hasn't even read the stuff!

The bad news is - I've gotten rejections already. The good news is - it's completely normal and to be expected. But the good/bad news is = one publisher in particular has requested the full manuscript, and since that day, I've been a walking diarhhea bag of nerves. Jesus. Baring myself in front of the entire O/B department to give birth was less painful. I want to check my email to see if I've gotten a response, but I don't want to check it. I want to continue writing, but I don't want to continue writing. I'm a mixed bag of grapenuts, and I'm equal parts crunchy and soggy. It's completely nerve wracking.

And let me just say - kudos to ALL of you writer's out there who continue to press onward, even in the face of certain rejection and confusion. I know I can't be alone in this necessary step toward acheiving representation.

Wow - I strangely feel better now. Just getting that off my chest...no wait, there's the nausea again. Oh well.

FLOOD

2008-12-11T11:03:00.000-08:00

It figures a monsoon would arrive with snow falling "later this evening". As it stands - the fence may or may not survive the sheer force of the water held back by the leaves that have collected and flowed along the huge stream through our property.

Jimbo - we're gonna need a bigger boat...

16 Month Old + Phone = BAD

2008-12-09T15:07:00.000-08:00

Note to self:

When preparing dinner, always make sure that your 16 month old infant daughter is nowhere near the phone. Otherwise you'd best prepare yourself for the impending arrival of the Sheriff's department asking about the 911 call that ended in a hang up and consequent investigation.

Thanks Bella - you're already starting trouble with the law.

The Holiday Season

2008-12-09T13:21:00.000-08:00

Ahhh the holiday season. A time of joy, peace, serenity, good will toward men...A time of greed, insanity, price checking and psyching out the woman about to purchase the last 2008 Christmas Barbie from the shelf at the local Hell-Mart.

Lady, if you wanted the doll that badly, all you had to do was say so. Snatching it off the shelf before my hand made it to the box only made you look moronic and quite sad. But don't fret, there are only 3 other Wal-marts in our general vicinity, and my daughter will be content with or without a plastic doll wrapped in glitter and lace.

Happy Holidays.

State Trooper Tickets Woman in Labor

2008-12-05T06:39:00.001-08:00

You just have to READ this to believe it.

I have to say, the state troopers I have had the misfortune of meeting on the roads have ALWAYS been assholes. In fact, one pulled Jimbo over a couple of years ago and he caused Arwen (who was only 4 at the time) to burst into tears because she was afraid he was going to take her to jail. I can't say I blame her after he pointed his finger at her directly and demanded 'how old is she??'

I realize that police officer's provide an essential service and I'm grateful - but I'm equally grateful to the troops serving in other countries to defend this one and you don't see them behaving like egotistical assholes.

Twilight Trailer Spoof

2008-12-05T05:48:00.001-08:00

Okay, I swear, no more Youtube videos for a while on my blog but this is brilliant!

The Twilight Movie

2008-12-05T05:45:00.001-08:00

This review of the movie is hilarious. My favorite part had me laughing so hard my children thought I had lost my mind because it's so true -

"This guy asks her to the prom and Bella says, 'no I can't dance' but then later we find out she's a dancer so she lies!"

Totally cracked me up.

Kick in the Head

2008-12-04T05:54:00.000-08:00

I have had a consistent headache for going on two weeks now. I saw the Neuro last week and tried the new meds (including steroids) and they are not working.

I'm at a loss, feeling as if my brain is going to spontaneously combust at any moment. I finally see a Doctor next week about the thyroid (have been waiting 6 weeks for that) and I'm praying some good old fashioned thyroid pills will put an end to this madness.

On a side note, when you find a dead mouse that your cat has left as a present in the garage (that you almost step on bare footed) - it will serve as a reminder that you are, in fact, a GIRL. I screamed like I'd just won the publisher's clearinghouse sweepstakes.

same old lang syne

2008-12-03T10:41:00.001-08:00

Okay, I've come with a gripe. Light 96.9 plays nothing but Christmas music the day following Thanksgiving and I LOVE it, I keep the stereo on most of the time just to enjoy the wonderful classics that make the Holiday season so awesome. I'm talking goodies like -

Jingle Bell Rock
Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree
Rudolph the Rednose Reindeer
Oh Holy Night
Merry Christmas from the Family
Chipmunk Christmas
Santa Claus is Watching You

The list goes on and on...

But the last few years I've noticed one song in particular that comes on several times per day and each time I find myself thinking - does this even classify as a Christmas song? Other than it mentions it's Christmas Eve? So today I googled the damned thing and shook my head in disbelief at the lyrics, the stupidity and honestly the oddity that places this little ditty on the radio with other Christmas tunes.

Don't take my word for it, above is the song on Youtube and below are the lyrics. I'm looking for other opinions here - what do you think??

Dan Fogleberg "Same Auld Lang Syne

Met my old lover in a grocery store
The snow was falling Christmas Eve
Stole behind her in the frozen foods
and I touched her on the sleeve
She didn't recognize the face at first
but then her eyes flew open wide
Tried to hug me and she spilled her purse
and we laughed until we cried
Took her groceries to the checkout stand
The food was totaled up and bagged
stood there lost in our embarrassment
as the conversation dragged
Went to have ourselves a drink or two
but couldn't find an open bar
Bought a six-pack at the liquor store
and we drank it in her car
We drank a toast to innocence, we drank a toast to now
Tried to reach beyond the emptiness
but neither one knew how
She said she'd married her an architect
Kept her warm and safe and dry
She said she'd like to say she loved the man
but she didn't like to lie
I said the years had been a friend to her
and that her eyes were still as blue
But in those eyes I wasn't sure if
I saw doubt or gratitude
She said she saw me in the record store
and that I must be doing well
I said the audience was heavenly
but the traveling was hell
We drank a toast to innocence we drank a toast to time
We're living in our eloquence, another old lang syne
The beers were empty and our tongues grew tired
and running out of things to say
She gave a kiss to me as I got out
and I watched her drive away
Just for a moment I was back in school
And felt that old familiar pain
And as I turned to make my way back home
the snow turned into rain.

Murray Head - One Night In Bangkok

2008-11-27T12:56:00.001-08:00

I LOVE this song! It's not Thanksgiving related but...well it's a good tune anyway! Happy Turkey Day!!!

Lying

2008-11-26T06:42:00.000-08:00

Vincent - *Screams loudly and Wails in the other room*

Me - What is GOING ON??!!? *rushes into the playroom to see Vincent on the floor, sobbing*

Me - What's wrong Vincent?

Vincent - Logan hit me!!!

Me - Logan! *narrowing my eyes at him in warning* Don't hit!

Logan - *stares up at me with a confounded expression*

Arwen - Logan didn't hit him! Vincent was lying!

Another impending Thanksgiving at the Saare household - who wants to come join us??

Techno Viking vs. Feindflug

2008-11-25T14:16:00.001-08:00

Give it until 1:02 and prepare to - well prepare to something, I laughed personally, it's so unexpected!!

Another Day, Another Appointment

2008-11-25T05:23:00.000-08:00

I went to the Neuro yesterday - there is a LOT going on with my head and neck. The last few weeks it's gotten so bad I barely sleep or function anymore. This time around I was placed on a steroid regimen, a daily muscle relaxer (I do not like these things at ALL) and pain medication (as needed only). They are giving it two weeks and if it doesn't work, I have the go ahead for the nerve block (I would prefer to try this but she keeps putting it off).

Which brings me to the TMI session of my blog. Please stop here if discussion of a sexual nature embarrasses you...

Okay so who's heard of a Coital Headache? I didn't know such a thing existed...until I thought my head was bursting because of an brain anuerism following a make-out session with the hubs. I brought up my little problem with my doctor (blushing profusely all the while) and found out about these little gems. Talk about a literal "I can't honey, I'll get a headache". Sheesh!

Twilight

2008-11-21T05:45:00.000-08:00

I can only blame myself for the things I'm about to bitch about, after all, I chose to go see the first showing of Twilight in my area at 11:59pm last night. The minute we arrived and picked our tickets up from the little machine (thank goodness for pre-ordering) I knew we were in trouble. The lot was full and tween's were EVERYWHERE.

Before I start, let me say, I enjoyed the movie. However, as far as films go - it's pretty weak. That's not saying I didn't like it, I did. The problem is, as my dear husband pointed out after I asked how he liked it - "uh, well - it's just a vampire love story. It's okay." Sometimes things just don't translate all that well to the screen (so the lion fell in love with the lamb - favorite line in the story, it made me cringe in the movie). Oh - Robert Pattinson is amazing here, he did an incredible job portraying Edward. It's too bad he's just become the poster boy for Bop magazine!

So without further ado, here is a rundown of what it's like to see Twilight at the first showing, among tweens that should be home in bed.

We get there and immediately notice the 'I Heart Edward' t-shirts, Bella and Edward Forever! stickers on shirts (worn by 20 year old young men no less) and people carrying copies of their Twilight books in hand. We wait to get into the last theater, watching in awe at the number of 8-10 year olds accompanying their very responsible parents, eventually getting our seats and settling in. I should also mention the very smart adolescent males out in force, attending in groups of 3-4, attempting to flesh them out some horny teenage girls looking for a real life Edward (sorry guys, hate to break it to you - you ain't him and you never will be to these girls!)

We arrived early and during that hour we are subjected to a contest for Twilight buttons and pictures, during which time tweens lose their shit, screeching and fighting over pieces of metal and paper. Camera's came out, pictures were snapped left and right, the blubber and hubbub was incredible. People bickered over who was hotter, Edward or Jacob and girl's acted in the exact ways I hated in high school. (I just know I'm going to be cursed and Arwen or Annabel will act like a total airhead, saying things like "I'm totally hyped up dude!")

Eventually the dust settled and the movie started and things got really good!

The very second Edward glides into the background of the screen, the girls started to squeal, swooning so loudly Jimbo looks over at me with wide eyes screaming OMGWTF! (okay he didn't look exactly like that, more like 'are you serious?!') This continues for the rest of the show. Edward could have farted and the girls would faint (not joking either) and when he's around Bella, saying such sweet nothings, I heard many a virgins lose their proverbial cherry.

This morning I woke up tired (getting to bed at 2:45) and my first thought was - how many school absences are going to get marked down this morning and how many parents will lie for their children (and themselves) when the school calls to say Sue or Johnny didn't make it in to school this morning? My second thought was - I have to do this all over again since my Mother-in-Law wants to see it as well and I promised to go back with her.

Hopefully if we wait a week it won't be so bad - right? Who am I kidding, this ship is going down Titanic style. Complete with Leo worshipers and their Mothers. Bah!

Interesting Words

2008-11-11T09:53:00.000-08:00

Do you ever come across a saying, word or phrase that tickles you silly? Maybe I'm just weird (read that to mean too damned BORED) and I find humor in the most minuscule of things - but I still want to share. Without further ado:

My word of the week is - scuzzlenut.

Last weeks expression that I couldn't let go of? The one bestowed upon my by my loving scuzzlenut husband after I chewed into the sales person at AT&T - "Go-go Gadget Bitch!"

Keeping it in Perspective

2008-11-11T07:46:00.000-08:00

On days like today, when my children are at their worst and I want to crawl back in bed indefinitely, I remind myself of how lucky I am.

My cousin Lee is a 28 year old guy, nice as he can be, always willing to help lend a hand or offer a friendly ear. He's had a hard life, starting from birth. His Mother decided it would be okay to drink while he was in her womb and he suffered horribly after he came into the world. And the cruelest thing is now, years later, her choices are doing him in yet again.

His heart is failing. His young body is slipping away. And he's trying to be strong and sustain himself on his faith. But he's going to die and he knows it. It's only a matter of time and he's hoping it's later rather than sooner.

So in spite of the head lice, bickering children and chores that never end - I will be grateful. If today were your last day, would you really want to spend it being petty or cold hearted?

Feels Loved

2008-11-08T12:01:00.000-08:00

Tania and Lawfrog nominated tagged me. I feel loved and I wanted to say I love you back to both of them!

1. Where is your cell phone? Charging

2. Where is your significant other? In the next room, on the phone, he's worse than a woman, I'm not kidding!

3. Your hair color? It was blond until I started coloring it 10 years ago, I have no clue what color it is now.

4. Your mother? Says "Know what I'm sayin?" too much

5. Your father? The first love of my life

6. Your favorite thing? Blessed Quiet

7. Your dream last night? Bah! I had one but now it's a big blank!

8. Your dream/goal? To survive past the teenage years with my brood

9. The room you're in? Office

10. Your hobby? Writing

11. Your fear? Losing my family

12. Where do you want to be in six years? If things stay like this (minus the lice!) I'll be happy!

13. Where were you last night? The Ponderosa

14. What you're not? A sugar coater

15. One of your wish list items? An Ipod - I know, I'm thinking BIG!

16. Where you grew up? Alabama

17. The last thing you did? Took a shower

18. What are you wearing? flannel pants and a t-shirt that says "Knocked up Again!" from the Annabel pregnancy...god that's lame.

19. Your T.V.? FOOTBALL BABY! Roll Tide!

20. Your pet? Ceasar the wonder dog and Toby the wonder cat

21. Your computer? Dell

22. Your mood? frazzled

23. Missing someone? Not at the moment.

24. Your car? Pffft- It's all about the Minivan in this family!

25. Something you're not wearing? perfume

26. Favorite store? Tarjay - I'm not hard to please!

27. Your Summer? Hot!

28. Love someone? Several someones

29. Your favorite color? Red

30. When is the last time you laughed? About an hour ago

31. Last time you cried? A few days ago watching the Notebook

And I'm nominating ERIN. She's a hoot and a hollar. I always love reading her blog and seeing all the awesome creative things she's made!

Lice - I hate you!

2008-11-07T13:04:00.000-08:00

Ode to Head Lice

It starts as a tingle
And becomes a scratch
Your children start to complain
Then they start to thrash

Oh No, you say
Please god don't do this to me
You pull out the Robi comb
And oh boy guess what you see

Nasty ass critters
Taking shelter in your childrens heads
Now it's time to clean
So you go and strip the beds

Next comes the fun part
Time get the husbands help
Listening to your children scream and yell
As you nit pick their little scalps

But the best is yet to come
Don't get comfortable yet
Three weeks worth of diligence
Ain't exactly a sure bet

Because these disgusting bastards
Don't simply thrive to piss you off
They are a creation that given the opportunity
Will survive a nuclear holocaust

I've nit picked and combed
Barked and bitched
Finally getting my children clear
When my head starts to itch.

Now that my poem is out of the way - I'm not afraid to say it damn it, so why am I hesitating? Bah! Our house has started all out war with head lice. We got rid of the little fuckers and they are back. This time with reinforcements.

When we are back to our normal lives and I'm not running the washer and dryer night and day, I'll be able to blog again.

Sleepless Nights

2008-10-21T07:06:00.001-07:00

How many nights can a person successfully sustain themselves with little to no sleep?

I'm on 15 months and counting.

No wonder I put the milk into the cabinet this morning instead of the fridge.

You know when...

2008-10-20T05:43:00.000-07:00

You know you're life is chaotic when your 6 year wedding anniversary is fast approaching and you completely forgot about it until yesterday.

We figure we'll take in a movie and maybe go out for dinner. It's amazing how time, and more importantly children, change those "plans". We always swore we'd go on a trip for our 5 year anniversary and maybe even venture to Italy or some other dream locale for our 10. But thus far it's been: Us, dinner and a movie.

Cousin "It"

2008-10-17T21:49:00.000-07:00

Tonight, while at Hell-Mart, I noticed a teenage boy with his parents. Why did I notice this one boy in particular in the midst of all these strangers? The truth is - his hair.

His face was completely covered, from forehead to chin, with thin and greasy strands.

I watched him with his family as they walked the aisle, wondering how in the hell he could see, staring even though it was wrong.

I once told my Mom I'd prefer to have an emo child rather than rear a football player or cheerleader (weird? maybe. But I was a 'dark side' kinda gal in High School myself) but after seeing cousin IT...I think cheering on the sports team isn't so bad.

Wedding Ring Exchange Fail

2008-10-17T13:25:00.001-07:00

Now that's something I'd never forget!

Dennis Leary

2008-10-17T08:25:00.000-07:00

You've got to love AN IDIOT AT HIS BEST.

To summarize, Dennis Leary has published a new book which I confess I have not read (and I also admit I will not be reading) in which he says:

"There is a huge boom in autism right now because inattentive mothers and competitive dads want an explanation for why their dumb-ass kids can't compete academically."

Of course now he is clarifying "what he meant" by that remark and he says he has nothing but respect for families that have autistic children. Hey Dennis, while you're at it, why don't you go out and bash the comedians that have no fucking concept of what the hell they are talking about - as evidenced by a well known one that recently opened his mouth, shoved his foot inside and tried to explain afterward what he meant.

It's not humor if it's not funny - it's just tacky and sad. So is resorting to insulting children by calling them "dumb-asses". Good luck with that best seller brother, I'm sure you don't need the support of the autistic community to make it a winner!

Mom Confession of the Week

2008-10-17T05:57:00.000-07:00

I will not lie to my children and give them the false hope that pimples miraculously vanish into the acne oblivion when you 'get older'. Thanks for lying to me Mom. Did you think I wouldn't find out?

The "Wilderness"

2008-10-17T05:54:00.000-07:00

Only in Redneckville would you come outside to wait for the bus and see Bambi standing in your front yard. It was pretty surreal but also pretty damned cool. If I do say so myself.

So what if I can't make a run to the border for some Taco Hell. I have deers and shit at my casa!!

Look what "I" made Mommy!!

2008-10-17T05:45:00.000-07:00

My dear sweet Annabel is - beautiful, funny, and lovable. She is also cranky, sleepless and clingy. There is give and take, it's to be expected. So it really should have come as no surprise when she unveiled her new favorite "thing" - if you will.

My sweet baby girl loves to play with her poop. The first few times I figured: dirty diaper + too small = hands in poop. But I got smart to her game when I saw her grunting and reaching into her diaper.

What started out as something we all laughed about has now turned into the most repulsive game of cat and mouse. Now I hawk eye her with one thought churning in my brain -

Must.Not.Let.Baby.Play.With.Poop.

My husband, of course, thinks it's funny, reminding me she is just sharing what she so proudly "made herself". I think this weekend I'll leave him for a few hours alone with her. I don't think he'll find it so funny when it's his shirt, hands and potentially face, covered in steaming shit.

Annabel, so adorable, so sweet...so disgusting.

I never thought I'd hear...

2008-10-15T15:33:00.000-07:00

Vincent and Logan : MOMMY! There's a french fry in the toilet!

**LOUD FLUSH**

Vincent and Logan: Bye bye, french fry!!

Seriously, I never thought I'd ever hear that. As for the real world. My PC finally just went ka-plow and we had to order a new one. The one one arrived and I just have to get my email back up and running. I hope no one has emailed me and I've not responded, if so, you know why. Now I will be back to speed and blogging more often (2 weeks for an entry, blasphemy!!)

I survived fall break but I'm sure some new gray hair is forming under my impressive Feria dye job. I also found out my thyroid issues have returned. At first I thought I needed to lay off the food, but now I know no dieting in this world will help.

And to all you husbands out there (and wives too). If your spouse has snot spread across their shirts from your offspring, gaping at him/her with mouth wide isn't exactly helping. Just lift your jaw and curb your disgust and tell us "hey, you have snot all over you!" Then we can go change and not feel like a total douche when the FedEx guy arrives and stares like we're the most disgusting creature since Smeagol.

And finally, a picture of the baby girl. She's growing so fast!!

Neglect

2008-09-30T13:30:00.000-07:00

I know the last few months I've neglected my blog as well as the blogs of all of you I adore. I apologize. It's not intentional, believe me. My self imposed internet hiatus is due in large part to necessity.

Annabel continues to be a huge problem. As much as I adore my baby girl I am still scraping by on 4 hours of sleep a night max (I get an additional 3-4 on Saturdays and Sundays when Jimbo allows me to sleep in, bless that man). So each new day I'm dragging even worse than the one before.

Logan has reverted to his "stimulus" behaviors. This means he'll be totally normal one minute and thrashing his head and arms around the next. This is a huge concern. Right now he's academically ready for kindergarten but if he disrupts the classroom...it will cause problems. So we're working on that.

Vincent absolutely refuses to potty train. It's a nightmare and I'm so tired of cleaning doodie that could belong to an adult. So we're still trying to get that going.

And Arwen. She's been pretty good recently. Making A's on her tests, reading like a fiend (she's amazing, reading level 3 readers) and being good natured. Then the pesky critters from her school arrived and she's been in a funk. She doesn't understand why she can't hang all over the baby or her brothers. It's pretty sad to be truthful.

So to everyone - I Miss You! I've been catching up on all your old entries and when the kids settle I'll be sending out some emails (you know who you all are!)

Daughter Humor

2008-09-29T11:11:00.000-07:00

As she's being nit-picked (pun intended) and I'm grossing myself out combing through her hair (I'm a serious bugphobe) Arwen turns to me and says:

They were just having a party inside my head and then you showed up and ruined it!

I laughed so hard I tripped over her chair and nearly busted my hiney. So there is something to be learned from this - always find the humor in something, it makes surviving it so much easier.

P.S. I won't go into how she thinks the bugs are "cute" - WTF?

Had to happen sooner or later...

2008-09-29T07:27:00.000-07:00

Last week I noticed what I assumed was heat rash on Arwen's neck. As any of you that have read my blog know, she has ezcema and has break outs from time to time. No big deal, I put hydrocortisone on it and figured it would get better. This morning I got out the cream before she went to school and she started scratching her head, complaining it "itched". Do you see where I'm going with this??

So I put down the cream, started looking around in her hair and I saw what my dumb ass thought was fleas. We had the rabbit inside last night and I thought, it's just from the pet. Then I found another...and another... I called my Mom in panic, having zero clue what the nastiness was. A quick google search later confirmed what she thought. Our household has it's first case of Lice.

I'm trying the new Cetaphil treatment that's supposed to work wonders. I've yanked off the sheets and pillows and have bagged the stuffed animals. But here is what pisses me off. Being the concerned parent I am, I contacted her school. That is the right thing to do isn't it? Warn the other children and their parents that lice may have found it's way around the school. Well, it seems they "don't contact parents or do lice checks" anymore. They only check a child if a teacher has a concern and then they send him/her home.

If I get rid of this shit and she comes down with another case of it I'm going to personally go down there and shake her scalp out on the Principal.

*thus far the other kids have checked clean but bless them, I'm doing the cetaphil treatment on them too to be safe.

Cheap

2008-09-21T15:25:00.000-07:00

It seems my potty mouth isn't the only thing my children are picking up from me. They are also implementing my nifty little slang terms too.

Today Arwen was playing her video game and she got killed at random and I heard her yell:

"Well that was cheap!"

I say that all the time. Now my daughter does. The world is in so much trouble when my children reach maturity. I'm apologize in advance.

Selective Helping

2008-09-19T13:30:00.000-07:00

I've decided to run away from my heathen children for a few minutes to blog about a phenomenon I've discovered and labeled personally. It's something that wasn't around in my childhood, back when a "no" answer would mean subjection to objects such as switches or belts. This new state of mind occurs when you ask your child to perform some menial task and depending on:

A. Their mood
B. Their mood
C. Their mood

They may or may not respect that request.

Example.

Today as I was cleaning the sink I asked my oldest daughter to go downstairs to keep an eye on her brothers and baby sister. I notice she doesn't respond immediately so I repeat the request, gazing up and noting she is no longer in the room. Instead she has chosen to retreat outside to feed her rabbit, thus doing something else that is fun versus productive.

Selective helping, my children suffer from it. Do yours?

It's called a CARSEAT

2008-09-16T10:53:00.000-07:00

I'm about to pull out my soapbox and technically, I am a hypocrite for doing it but I think you'll forgive me when I explain. Without further ado...

After I dropped Vincent off at school today I made a quick trip to the Piggly Wiggly (yes we have one and yes I know - it's flaming redneck as hell) for a loaf of bread. I pull into the parking lot and park the van, reaching for my keys when I see it.

A man driving a small mazda four door of some kind cuts across the parking lot in an angle to pull along side me and in his lap is a very small toddler, I'm talking 18-24 months old. He throws the mazda in park and climbs out, toddler in his arms and walks inside. I shake my head at him (of course he doesn't see) and I go in and grab a loaf of bread.

While I'm waiting in the line the man comes behind me with the little boy, cuddling him and speaking softly to him. So either he loves the child or he's putting on a show. I take my time when I walk out the doors and strap Annabel in, walking around just as they exit the store. I glance over in the back of the mazda and a car seat sits empty. I wait to see what will happen.

The man comes around and opens the door and slides into the drivers seat, child once again in his lap. He slams the door shut and adjust himself and turns on the motor, ready to take a trip down the interstate with an infant on his lap.

What the fuck???

Now I realize we live in the country and I myself have allowed my children to take the wheel in my lap while on our road which is a cul de sac in the middle of nowhere. But I would never allow them to sit in my lap while driving roads where there is traffic.

I should have called the cops on the guy, I really should have. If I see an accident occurred on the news tonight and a child was killed because he was in his parents lap instead of his car seat I'll never forgive myself.

Dear Jimbo~

2008-09-15T15:44:00.000-07:00

My Dear Sweet Husband~

When our 14 month old is hacking, possibly choking and you're wondering whether or not she needs assistance, a word of advice...

She is only 14 months old and if she is choking asking her "Are you ok sweetheart?" isn't likely to illicit a response.

Next time try actually walking over to access the situation, it could mean the difference between laughing or shouting "oh shit".

Much Love Sweets,

Your Wife

The Art of Cursing

2008-09-03T06:36:00.000-07:00

Five years ago, my mouth was sparkly clean. Rarely would the f-bomb be uttered from these lips, only a random "damn" or "shit" in sight. Then something monumental occurred, a life changing experience that is supposed to make you want to keep things G-rated.

I had kids.

It started out small. A little "damn" when I dropped something or a little "shit" when I stuck my finger in...well shit. But eventually the small pleasure I derived from these phrases lost it's charm and another word worked itself into my potty mouth vocabulary. A word I always hated and made me cringe. A word that would have gotten me a slap to the mouth as a teen. I'm talking about the word, the big word, the F word.

The f-bomb is a frequent flier in my house. I'll drop it without thinking; when I drop a plate and smash it, when I stub my toe or when I step onto a hot wheels car (those miniature objects of metal and sharpness are the bane of my existence). But I realized the other day it's taken another direction. I also use the F word when I need to release built up stress from hours alone with diapers, Thomas the train, and laundry.

Sometimes when my day is shit and I'm ready to explode and the kids are screaming and fighting and I just want to blow, I just let it fly - Fuck! And then something inside me says, "ahhhhh" and I can return to my folding, chasing and wrangling - at peace once again.

So if the future generation that comes to you courtesy of my home have the mouth of a sailor, please forgive me, at least they won't be bullies, liars or thieves. Sometimes you have to strive for the obtainable. We're going to make Ozzy's family look like the Cosby's.

Two Men and a Wal-Mart

2008-08-28T14:31:00.000-07:00

Dear Redneck Men who stood behind me at Wal-Mart,

First, I'd like to applaud you on your astute observations. Yes, it did appear that I was speaking to myself because yes, I was on a ear phone. I know it's a difficult concept to grasp. Conversations between people over digital phone lines is HUGE.

But it's the second thing I really want to thank you for. You know, when I leave my home with my little girl to visit the store for baby food, I don't dress up thinking I might score some toothless, wine guzzling fools who think I'll be so excited they think my "ass is meant for smacking" and things of that nature. Don't think I didn't hear you. I also thought that little thing you said while snickering and pointing at my daughter, "you've been busy" filled with sexual innuendo's was so classy. TOP NOTCH.

All I can say is this, pray I'm not alone the next time our paths cross. My daughter is the only thing that saved your crotch from my foot, shoving your balls into your throat and out your mouth.

Sincerely,

Going to "get busy" kicking your worthless ass

Ultimate BC Pill

2008-08-26T12:38:00.000-07:00

Because I love you all and want to share a bit of my daily suffering I decided to upload this family gem onto my blog. This is an average day in my life - so fabulous, I know. (The poor schmuck you hear talking is Jimbo, it was his turn to wait inside the van while I ran into Hell-Mart for something)

Maybe I should submit this to America's funniest home videos. All that screaming should be worth 10,000 smackers.

No Rest for the Weary

2008-08-26T06:27:00.000-07:00

Remember that little entry of mine entitled "Craptastic" where I shared my usual sleep time is around 4 hours that is constantly interrupted? Well, the sandman just jacked me again, thanks to that little bundle of joy named Annabel.

The last few weeks she has become increasingly difficult when it comes to sleep cycles. She wakes anywhere from 1-6 times per night. Each time I will check her and if she isn't wet will put her back to bed. She gets one nursing at her 12:00am wake-up (yes, like clockwork she wakes for this) and after that I've stopped giving it out. So she'll wake up and scream...and scream...and scream. Since she sleeps in our room this is problematic...we can't escape and therefore can't sleep.

Last night she screamed from 12:30 until 2:30 and I finally came downstairs on the couch. The sickness the kids shared with me forced me to go back up (while she was still screaming) at around 3:30. Around 4:15 I came back to the couch (she was still sqwalling) and passed out from exhaustion, waking up at 6:30 to start my day.

I'm at my wits end here. Crying it out obviously isn't working.

HIM - Bury Me Deep Inside Your Heart

2008-08-25T10:41:00.001-07:00

I love this band and this song...it just makes me teary eyed for some reason. Give it a listen.

Ramblings

2008-08-25T08:32:00.000-07:00

All of the children are sick and so am I. We've got some cold that causes a terrible runny nose, watery eyes and coughing. Today I'm holding the fort with Vincent, Logan and Annabel - all sick. Fun times, I tell you.

So this weekend I hit up Hell-Mart. I had too many things to buy and since I was feeling like puke I was rushing through the aisles. I was passing the toy section when I spotted her, recognition sinking in as she turned. It was my ex's sister Crystal. I approached her and the child in her cart. She was warm and friendly, asking where my children were. She didn't introduce the little boy so I asked tentatively, "is this your son?"

It was her son she told me and I could by his look that something was off, through our conversation she told me he was 14 weeks premature. He was an adorable child and I told her so, smiling at him. Then Matthew's Mom appeared and I couldn't help but hug her. We were close in the 5 years her son and I were a couple, it was amazing seeing her again.

At first our conversation was easy, then it turned odd. Crystal mentioned Shelia was going to be a grandmother again, quickly dropping it after. I don't know for certain but I'm assuming Matthew is going to be a Father and the funny thing? If he is I couldn't be happier for him.

After we parted I wondered if I should have asked about him. I didn't at first because it just didn't seem right. How do you broach the subject?

"Hey, how is Matthew doing these days?"

But I owe this guy so much, it was our time together that molded the woman I am today and I mean that in the most sincere and appreciative way possible. If not for that relationship I wouldn't value what I have.

So the past few days I've been pondering what I could have said to convey that to them, so they know I want him to be happy. I hope in some way seeing me, watching me proudly share pictures of my family, explained what I couldn't find words for.

Batteries not Included

2008-08-22T05:59:00.000-07:00

Vincent has a problem.

He can't focus on his toys...

He can't play happily...

He can't be in a good mood...

All because -

Vincent has become fixated on batteries. Yes people, batteries.

It started a few weeks ago, he'd dig in the fridge for the batteries and play with them. I'd reprimand him and put them back only to find him digging around again minutes later. Now he's progressed to locating each and every item in our house that requires batteries and informing me:

"The batteries are dead!"

He's brought me toys, clocks, remotes, watches, and even the phone that wasn't charged. I hear that phrase probably 50 times a day. It's driving me insane. He even runs batteries down on his Thomas trains just to tell me the batteries are dead and to give him another.

I never thought in a million years I'd despise batteries.

Bright side of Life

2008-08-22T05:31:00.000-07:00

I know everyone has moments in their life when they think:

"Why me??"

My moments have been coming around more and more often, especially in recent weeks. It's been a battle to keep a positive outlook. There are days when I am too tired to get out of bed but I do because the world doesn't revolve around me. My days are tied in with 4 other little lives and that keeps me on track most of the time.

The thing is, I really believe that some higher power sends people your way when these moments in life happen. These people can be strangers, family or someone you've met through an online venue such as a blog. And they have the ability to transcend the worries and chaos and bring a balance to your outlook.

So to my special person, thank you for lending your ear and thank you for being such a wonderful, caring and amazing person. I don't think I'd have survived the week without you. Now if I could just find the time to call so we could actually speak for a while sans kids - then all would be totally right with the world.

5 Years Old!!!

2008-08-19T07:05:00.000-07:00

Super Powers

2008-08-18T17:17:00.000-07:00

Jimbo: If you could have one super power what would it be?

Me: Hmmm, let me think a second. *pauses* What would you have?

Jimbo: I'd be able to fly.

Me: I'd be invisible, definitely.

Jimbo: Invisible? That's a lame super power.

Me: No it isn't, it's the most awesome super power in the world.

Jimbo (humoring me): Care to explain?

Me: Sure. What other power would allow me to go into movie theaters and snap people's phones off while they yapped away or better still, smack them on the head when they won't shut up. Now that would be a power worth having.

Jimbo: So basically you want a super power just so you can fuck with people?

Me: Pretty much.

Jimbo: Only you babe.

Repo! The Genetic Opera - Zydrate Anatomy

2008-08-15T19:30:00.001-07:00

I have been anxiously awaiting this movie. I'm a huge fan of the Rocky Horror Picture Show and while this isn't exactly like that (more gore and violence) it's still right up my alley.

Check it out and see what you think, here is a short clip.

Craptastic

2008-08-11T07:23:00.000-07:00

Thanks Mom, I know I sound 'Rough'. Maybe it's because-

I've averaged 3-4 hours of interrupted sleep for the last year.

I've changed 2 craptastic diapers this morning already.

The children destroyed the playroom while I was changing Annabel's outfit, meaning I haven't even had my cup of coffee.

The bus didn't come for Arwen and I had to load all the kids up to take her to school.

I'm still working on sorting the clothes in the children's bedrooms but don't worry, it's only taken me a week, I'm almost there.

The bathrooms are nasty so I get to do hardcore scrubbing Cinderella style - that always brightens my day.

Oh and the kitchen needs mopping - why don't the birds, mice and shit help me out when I need them?

So yeah, I sound rough. You might not want to call back today, I can't say there will be much improvement. But thanks.

Bog of Eternal Stench

2008-08-11T07:09:00.001-07:00

There comes a point in every Mom's life when she wishes for one thing and one thing only - a potty trained child.

My two oldest did pretty well, Logan especially all things considered. And now it's Vincent's turn. He is 3 years old but soon he'll be 4 which means this diaper business has got to go. He has ZERO interest in the toilet and the more I sit him on the throne the less he wants to be there.

The problem isn't actually sitting like a prince on the crapper, he hops up there like a champ. Thing is, he immediately wipes, smiles and says "ALL DONE!" proudly. There is no business being taken care of, no deposit of any sort and I don't know how to get him there.

My nose hair has fallen out from the diaper induced stench. I'm hoping for progress at this point but praying for miracles.

Someone needs to get a GRIP

2008-08-08T16:54:00.000-07:00

Nothing beats drama, unless of course it's good internet drama, or better still, good internet drama by rabid Twilight fans.

So here's the deal, after Breaking Dawn's release one week ago the camps have been split in two:

The Breaking Fails v/s The OMGBreakingDawnisthebomb!

Basically, you either love it or hate it. Sure there is middle ground but it's pretty sparse in comparison. I've been browsing (and partaking) in some heated debates on the Amazon.com threads and it gets as hot as a june bride bareback on a hot stove. Many people are passionate about the books, stating (as I have):

Twilight is a Trilogy

Many wish Breaking Down, excuse me, Breaking Dawn never existed. And then it got ugly. The Twilight Lexicon which is a base for fans to meet and discuss the books has rewritten it's "manifesto". It contains juicy nuggets like this:

1. The Twilight Saga is comprised of four books. It is not a trilogy. You may have wished that the books stopped at three, but they didn’t, and this site is a fan site for all the books in the Twilight Saga. We firmly stand by the canon as established in all four books. It all really happened. If you want to pretend Breaking Dawn never happened, that’s fine, but on this website there are no banners, avatars, sigs to that effect, and discussion acknowledges and concedes that all events contained in the four volume series exists. Denial of canon has no place on this website.

It's would be idiotic if it weren't so damned funny.

Here's a thread about it: Fails So Bad